The advanced dialogue class begins later today! And I promise you

MILLS

This is his stuff.  I've been out in the

-- Don't know if he means literal or metaphorical, but indicates resentment and maintains tension.

SOMERSET

This is a premeditated puzzle, and it's

only the beginning.

CAPTAIN

Big brain's always cooking.

-- Disdainfully respectful.

Somerset sits.

SOMERSET

I'm declining this case.  I want us

reassigned.

-- The unexpected punchline.

MILLS

Whoa, whoa... what?!

What's this: "I'm declining this case?"  It

don't work that way.

SOMERSET

go on and on.

CAPTAIN

I know what you're thinking, okay?  You

night, but it's different now.  You're

retiring.  In six days you're all the way

gone.

Somerset shakes his head.

CAPTAIN

You've left unfinished business before.

SOMERSET

conclusion as humanly possible.  Also...

this shouldn't be his first assignment.

MILLS

What the hell?

Mills stands, furious.

CAPTAIN

Somerset, you know that.  And nobody's

going to swap with you.

MILLS

CAPTAIN

MILLS

with him.  If Somerset wants out,

"goodbye."  Give it to me.

The captain considers this.

SOMERSET

It's too soon for him.

MILLS

(to the captain)

The captain looks at Somerset, then at Mills.

CAPTAIN

That's not necessary.  You're in.

Thank you.

CAPTAIN

Go start picking up the pieces.  We'll

partner.

seems deflated, staring at the floor.  He looks at the captain.

CAPTAIN

You win, Somerset.  You're out.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out

of the hands of fools.  Let's start with typewriters.

Dialogue scene from Tin Cup

TINNY CHEATIN' HEART MUSIC, the dull GROAN of a TRACTOR,

CRICKETS CHIRPIN' love songs, sporadic ZAPS from BUG

LIGHTS, and an occasional random THWOCK as we —

FADE IN:

Out west where the sun descends gloriously over desolate

mountains. A sense of timeless and incorruptible beauty

if you ignore the TWANG of the MUSIC, the SPUTTER of the

TRACTOR, the ZAPS, the THWACKS... and something else...

... MEN'S VOICES. Garrulous with drink, fraternity and

amusement.

We PAN DOWN TO:

2 EXT. DRIVING RANGE - LATE DAY 2

A man, JOSE, is on the roof, wrestling with a rickety

satellite dish, stringing wire, trying to get it to work.

(We get glimpses of him throughout the scene as he

struggles with what is assuredly a pirate operation.)

Four of six floodlights nailed to the roof cast pools of

yellow into the gathering darkness. ROY "TIN CUP" McAVOY

stands under the swarm of moths crowding the brightest

light, hitting golf balls. THWOCK...! Launching them,

really, into the deepening night. There's a beer between

his legs. Behind him:

A group of men forms a semicircle, facing away from Tin

Cup. These men are the range regulars: CURT, CLINT,

EARL, and DEWEY. Each man has money in one hand and his

preferred libation in the other. They're all looking

back and forth between the bug lights hung on the back

wall, and muttering what sounds like bets to:

ROMEO POSAR — a smaller man, he stands at the center of

the group with a handful of cash. Romeo is a part-time

bookie and full-time driving range man. Born across the

river in Mexico, Romeo is Tin Cup's caddie, confidante,

best friend.

ROMEO

Okay, all bets are down !

NICE SET UP TOO.

Their eyes rivet on the bug lights, edgy, hopeful,

triumphantly while the other regulars mutter curses about

how they woulda, coulda, shoulda bet.

2.

Number one is the winner! Dewey

has the winner. Pays five to two!

NOTE: QUICK PAY OFF AND WE SEE THAT ROMEO IS THE LOCAL BOOKIE BECAUSE HE PAYS THE WINNER AND QUOTES THE ODDS.

Romeo quickly pays Dewey and more quickly takes money from

gambling. Tin Cup looks over.

TIN CUP

Don't you shitheels ever get

NOTE: NICE COLOR TO GET OUR ATTENTION WHILE EXPRESSING SOME CHARACTER

The regulars flap dismissive palms and mutter in the

bug lights.

TIN CUP

... 'Cuz I got a riddle.

Tin Cup leads the regulars inside.

A3 INT. DRIVING RANGE - LATE DAY A3

Tin Cup holds court.

TIN CUP

to figure it out. Anyone think

they got a brain with two ounces

of brains in it?

NOTE: KEEPS THINGS ROLLING BY INTRODUCING A LITTLE SUSPENSE WHILE REVEALING SOME MORE OF HIS CHARACTER DURING AN ATTACK.

The regulars silently look at each other, reluctant to

TIN CUP

self-confidence from the players'

gallery. We ain't talking long

division.

NOTE: KEEPS THE PRESSURE ON . . .

EARL

How much we gotta lose?

NOTE: COUNTER-ATTACK WHILE REVEALING DEFEATIST CHARACTER.

You want to liven things up. Earl?

That's a hell of an idea. Say

everyone puts in twenty bucks and

the pot goes to whoever solves the

riddle.

NOTE: SUBTEXT IS TELLING US HE LIKES TO PLAY. ALSO, IT’S A CONTINUATION OF THE SETUP WHICH GENERATES MORE INTEREST WHICH KEEPS THINGS MOVING FORWARD.

DEWEY

You going to get the riddle. Tin

NOTE: BY ECHOING EARL’S TONE OF IMPENDING DOOM, DEWEY TELLS US THE DRIVING RANGE GANG OF REGULARS IS ACUSTOMED TO BEING FLEECED BY TIN CUP.

(patiently)

Dewey. I'm the one asking the

riddle. I already know the

answer. I don't getta guess.

Although... We could say if I get

to five hundred bounces and no one

gets the riddle, I get the pot.

And I know what you're thinking.

It's an impossible riddle. Well,

It's not. It's an easy riddle.

And if somehow by the grace of

fluke luck I win, and you all

don't agree it was an easy

riddle, hell, I'll refund your

money.

NOTE: NOW WE KNOW HE’S GOING TO CLEAN THEM OUT BUT WE ALL WANT TO SEE HOW. THIS COMPLETES THE SETUP. TIN CUP’S SUBTEXT MESSAGE IS CLEAR: I’M GOING TO TAKE YOUR MONEY AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

EARL, CLINT & ALL

I'm in... We're in... Count us

in••• etc•••

NOTE: . . . CANDY FROM A BABY

Okay, a man's driving down the

road with his son and they get

in a crash. Two ambulances come

and take the man and his son to

different hospitals. Son goes

into the operating room, the

doctor looks at him and says, 'I

can't operate on this boy. He's

my son.' How's that possible?

(beat)

The clock's ticking boys...

NOTE: THIS IS GREAT STUFF HERE. THE TICKING CLOCK OF THE GOLF BALL STARTS BUILDING TENSION WHILE MOVING THINGS AHEAD AT A METRONOMIC PACE. IN ADDITON TO THE TENSION, WE ARE TWISTING OUR BRAINS AROUND THE RIDDLE TOO; TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT WITH THEM.

Father didn't sneak back in,

right? He's still at the other

hospital?

TIN CUP

It ain't 'Star Trek,' Earl. No

NOTE: NICE USE OF DIALECT TO HELP SET THE LOCATION WHILE CONTRIBUTING MORE TO TIN CUP’S CHARACTER.

That eliminates the most plausible theory in their minds.

The men think harder.

Well... if the father married the

son's daughter –

NOTE: YOU KNOW SOMEBODY IN THE AUDIENCE IS THINKING THIS TOO WHICH MAKES IT THAT MUCH FUNNIER.

It's a family riddle. Earl. Think

clean thoughts.

The regulars puzzle some more.

Give us a little hint.

MOLLY (O.S.)

The doctor's a woman.

NOTE: KA-BANG! SHE STEALS HIS PAYOFF!

3 MOLLY GRISWOLD 3

Standing just inside the door — she's a fresh-faced

beauty in her early thirties, and she's got all new

everything the sport of golf requires: new bag, new

clubs, new shoes, new clothes, new visor... she looks

like she stepped out of an ad in Golf Digest. And all

the men are asking themselves the same question: what's

she doing here? The silence invites Molly to supply the

riddle's answer.

MOLLY

The doctor is the son's mother.

reveal how deeply our sexual

stereotypes run.

(directly to Tin Cup)

I take it you're a feminist?

Tin Cup misses the ball he's been bouncing, breaking the

spell. The regulars wait for Tin Cup's response.

NOTE: MOLLY’S DIALOGUE TAKES THE SCENE IN A WHOLE NEW DIRECTION. HER ATTACKING SUBTEXT MESSAGE TO TIN CUP IS “I’M IN CONTROL NOW”. HER FEMINIST REFERENCE FORESHADOWS A FUNNY MOMENT AT THE END OF THE SCENE.

Ma'am, I've been called a lot of

things — but no one's ever

saddled me with that one.

NOTE: OKAY, CONSIDERING HE WASN’T READY FOR HER TO STEAL HIS THUNDER, THAT WAS A PASSABLE COUNTER-ATTACK.

You might try being saddled

sometime — the smell of leather,

the sting of a whip...

NOTE: BUT SHE’S KICKING HIS ASS. SUBTEXT MESSAGE: I LIKE TO PLAY TOO; AND I PLAY TO WIN.

TIN CUP

aback)

NOTE: SUBTEXT DIVERSION

 5.

You're Roy McAvoy the golf pro? I

pictured something... different.

NOTE: SHE’S NOT BUYING THE ‘AW SHUCKS’ ROUTINE FOR A SECOND AND SHOWS IT BY TWISTING THE KNIFE A LITTLE BEFORE GETTING BACK TO BUSINESS.

TIN CUP

 
NOTE: NOPE, NOT A FEMINIST.

They hurry out to the range, Tin Cup oblivious to his gaffe.

THE DIALOGUE IN THIS OPENING SCENE ACCOMPLISHES EVERYTHING IT’S SUPPOSED TO. FIRST IT GRABS OUR ATTENTION AND SUCKS US INTO THE ACTION THAT’S VERY NATURAL AND INTERESTING.

KNOWING HOW COMPLEX A SUBJECT SUBTEXT IS, I’M BEGINNING TO SEE THE DEPTH TO WHICH DIALOGUE CAN GO SINCE SUBTEXT IS JUST ONE (OH YEAH BABY, AN IMPORTANT ONE) OF THE MANY FACTORS THAT COMPRISE GREAT DIALOGUE.

THE DIALOGUE IN THIS OPENING SCENE ACCOMPLISHES EVERYTHING IT’S SUPPOSED TO. FIRST IT GRABS OUR ATTENTION AND SUCKS US INTO THE ACTION THAT’S VERY NATURAL AND INTERESTING.

CHARACTER IS CONSTANTLY REVEALED ABOUT MOST OF THE MAIN PLAYERS WITH EFFECTIVE DIALOGUE USING ATTACK/COUNTER-ATTACK, FORESHADOWING, SETUP & PAYOFF, SUBTEXT, SUSPENSE, COLORFUL LANGUAGE, AND LOCAL DIALECT.

KNOWING HOW COMPLEX A SUBJECT SUBTEXT IS, I’M BEGINNING TO SEE THE DEPTH TO WHICH DIALOGUE CAN GO SINCE SUBTEXT IS JUST ONE (OH YEAH BABY, AN IMPORTANT ONE) OF THE MANY FACTORS THAT COMPRISE GREAT DIALOGUE.

Chinatown.

the Barbershop scene

52   CLOSE SHOT - NEWSPAPER

DEPARTMENT OF WATER AND POWER BLOWS FUSE OVER CHIEF'S

USE OF FUNDS FOR EL MACANDO LOVE NEST.

In the style of the Hearst yellow press, there is a

heart-shaped drawing around one of the photos that

Gittes had taken. Next to it is a smaller column,

"J.J. Gittes hired by suspicious spouse."

53   INT. BARBERSHOP - GITTES

holds the paper and reads while getting his haircut and

his shoes shined. In fact, almost all the customers

are reading papers.

BARNEY

(to Gittes)

after a while you must get blast

about it.

A self-satisfied smile comes to Gittes' face.

>>> Gites non-verbal response to Barney's comment shows that Barney

was spot on.

BARNEY

(continuing)

a movie star.

In b.g., customers can be 0VERHEARD talking about the

drought. Interspersed with above, someone is saying,

"They're gonna start rationing water unless it rains."

Someone else says, "Only for washing your cars." Third

says, "You're not going to be able to water your lawn

either, or take a bath more than once a week." First

says, "If you don't have a lawn or a car, do you get an

extra bath?"

54   Gittes has been staring outside the barbershop. A car

is stalled. The hood is up. A man watches his

radiator boiling over.

GITTES

Look at that.

BARNEY

Heat's murder.

(end of conversation)

Fools names and fools faces...

55   Gittes has heard the word. He straightens up.

GITTES

(smiling; to Other

What's that, pal?

>>> the other customer is calling Gittes a fool and Gittes gets

OTHER CUSTOMER

(indicating paper)

Nothing -- you got a hell of a

way to make a living.

GITTES

ends meet?

OTHER CUSTOMER

Mortgage Department, First National Bank.

Gittes laughs.

GITTES

do you foreclose on?

OTHER CUSTOMER

We don't publish a record in the

paper, I can tell you that.

GITTES

>>> nice little set of volley-counter-volley. Both the other customer

and Gittes don't think much of the other. Gittes shows that he is

neither embarrassed by what he does nor by having it all over the

paper. The other customer is embarrassed as he evades Gittes question.

OTHER CUSTOMER

No, you have a press agent do it.

Gittes gets out of the chair. Barney, a little

concerned, tries to restrain him, holding onto the

barber sheet around Gittes' neck.

>>> Gittes response shows that he is touchy at the implication that

he is a publicity seeker.

Barney, who is this bimbo? He a

regular customer?

BARNEY

>>> Gittes implies that Barney should take his side as, unlike

Gittes, the other customer is not a regular customer.

GITTES

living. People don't come to

me unless they're miserable and

I help 'em out of a bad situation.

I don't kick them out of their

homes like you jerks who work in

the bank.

BARNEY

>>> Gittes justifies himself while Barney tries to defuse the

situation.

56   Gittes is trying to take off his sheet.

GITTES

C'mon, get out of the barber chair.

over --

>>> Gittes challenged the other customer, who has no stomach for a

BARNEY

Hey, c'mon, Jake. Sit down. Sit

goes to his friend and says,

'What'll I do, I'm tired of

screwing my-wife?' and his

friend says, 'Whyn't you do

what the Chinese do?'

>>> Barney continues to try and diffuse the situation

Gittes allows himself to be tugged back to his chair.

GITTES

I don't know how that got in the

surprised me it was so quick.

I make an honest living.

BARNEY

GITTES

BARNEY

So anyway, he says, 'whyn't you

do what the Chinese do?'

>>> Gittes is too defensive, which indicates that he likely has his

own doubts about what he does for a living. Barney continues to

defuse.

that one can show inner conflict by having a character protest too

much.

dialogue from aliens

VASQUEZ

out of them...why not roll some

canisters of CN-20 down there.

Nerve gas the whole nest?

HUDSON

Look, man, let's just bug out and

RIPLEY

No good.  How do we know it'll

effect their biochemistry?  I say

we take off and nuke the entire

site from orbit.  It's the only

way to be sure.

BURKE

Now hold on a second.  I'm not

RIPLEY

Burke senses the challenge in her tone and backpedals

flawlessly into conciliatory mode.

BURKE

emotional moment, but let's not

make snap judgments.  Let's move

cautiously.  First, this physical

installation had a substantial

dollar value attached to it --

RIPLEY

They can bill me.  I got a tab

BURKE

species we're dealing with here.

We can't just arbitrarily

exterminate them --

RIPLEY

Bullshit!

Yeah, bullshit.  Watch us.

HUDSON

Maybe you haven't been keeping up

out asses kicked, pal!

Ripley faces Burke squarely and she's not pleased.

RIPLEY

Burke moves in, lowering his voice.  He takes her aside

from the others.

BURKE

with changing scenarios here.  This

thing is major, Ripley.  I mean

really major.  You gotta go with

its energy.  Since you are the

representative of the company who

discovered this species your

percentage will naturally be

some serious, serious money.

Ripley stares at his like he's a particularly

disagreeable fungus.

RIPLEY

BURKE

Don't make me pull rank, Ripley.

RIPLEY

What rank?  I believe Corporal Hicks

BURKE

RIPLEY

jurisdiction and Hicks is next in

chain of command.  Right?

HICKS

Burke starts to lose it and it's not a pretty sight.

BURKE

Look, this is a multimillion

that kind of decision.  He's just

a grunt!

(glances at Hicks)

No offense.

HICKS

None taken.

(into mike)

Ferro, you copying?

FERRO

(voice over; static)

HICKS

need an immediate evac.

(to Burke)

I think we'll take off and nuke

the site from orbit.  It's the

only way to be sure.

He winks.  Burke looks like a kid whose toy has been

snatched.

BURKE

This is absurd!  You don't have

CLACK!  The sound of a rifle bolt snapping home

truncates his rant.  Vasquez has a pulse-rifle cradled,

not exactly aimed at Burke but not exactly aimed away

either.  Her _expression is masklike.  End of discussion.

Ripley sits behind Newt, putting her arm around her.

RIPLEY

We're going home, honey.

From Moonstruck:

BOBO IS CLEARING THE REMAIN5 OF MR. JOHNNY'S DINNER.  He's already cleared Loretta's.

BOBO

LORETTA

I love this because it points up Loretta and Johnny's usual relationship--she's in charge...

MR. JOHNNY

No, I want to see the dessert cart.

...But for once, Johnny makes a decision

BOBO

Bobo goes.  Loretta is surprised.

LORETTA

You never have dessert.

Never is a long time.

Mr. Johnny is uneasy.  He massages his head.

LORETTA

MR. JOHNNY

My scalp is not getting enough blood sometimes.

This is so goofy, but it helps to characterize him.  He's a very superstitious guy with some odd ideas.

Loretta looks at him strangely.  Bobo rolls up the dessert cart.  WE SEE Loretta and Mr. Johnny through the frame of the dessert cart.  They turn and look at the desserts.

MR. JOHNNY

Have Something.

LORETTA

MR. JOHNNY

Will you marry me?

Of course, after all the build-up, he ends up just blurting it out.

LORETTA

What?

Will you marry me?

LORETTA

Bobo, take the cart away.

He does.

(continuing)

Are you proposing marriage to me?

MR. JOHNNY

Yes?

He's not too sure about this!

You know I was married and that my husband died.  But what you don't know is I think he and I had Bad Luck.