who can forget Frank Robinson or
Milt Pappas, for Godsakes!
(beat)
It's a long season and you got to
trust it.
ANNIE STARTS FOR THE DOOR and grabs her baseball
glove.
NOTE: In this last portion of dialogue, we have the Mentor and the
Cosmic trait expressed through a baseball metaphor. Can you see
why the writer/director choose this voice-over to begin this movie?
By page three, we are willing to follow this character anywhere as
she takes us through this story.
Once you start thinking about your characters this way, you'll see
this is an easy thing to do. You can start at any point you already
know. Maybe you have a character who has justified dropping out of
college by saying that he didn't have time to do it and business at
the same time. Just by knowing one piece of the puzzle, you can
fill out the others.
Here's what five minutes work did for this one justification:
World View: Money is all that matters.
Metaphor: The next Bill Gates
Rules and Strategies: Beat them before they beat you. Seize
every opportunity. Innovate or die.
Justifications: "Just made sense to quit college." "Okay to
take parents money because they want him to succeed." "Don't have
to listen to others because they don't know shit."
Now, it is your turn.
ASSIGNMENT
---------------------
Write a scene where a character displays their World View.
1. List the World View, a Life Metaphor, one or more Rules
and Strategies and one or more Justifications like I did
above.
2. Write a scene where that character OVERTLY displays
their World View and each of its components.
3. Answer the question "What I learned doing this assignment
is...?"
Deadline: 48 hours.
----------------------------
You can use a monologue like above or have one character introduce
their world to another. Or you can create a more complex scene.
Whatever you do is fine. Just present one character with a full
World View.
Don't worry about whether the scene fits your movie right now or
not, just do it to get a new view of your character and how they
speak. What this will do is provide a new level of depth to your
characters and their dialogue.
One last thing: If you have any worries about whether you can do
this, just take the first steps. Because you'll find that this is
easier than it looks. Pick a character and find one of those four
things that stands out -- either a justification, rule, strategy,
life metaphor or World View. Whichever comes up first, work with it
to develop the others. Once you start, you'll see. It will flow
for you.
An important reminder:
Give yourself permission to turn in poor work.
I can't emphasize how important this is. That is why I covered it in the Pre-training email. Remember, we're doing "first-draft" work here. So don't think you have to turn in brilliant stuff.
I want you to have the freedom to learn without worrying about criticism.
This is especially important now that we're writing scenes using the
skills. It is 10 times better to write a poor scene with poor dialogue
using these techniques than it is to stress yourself out thinking you need to be the best and not complete the assignment.
Know what I mean?
I've seen too many people slow to a crawl because they're trying to turn A+ work, when the ones who have freed their own internal criticism are writing, learning and growing every day as they complete all of their assignments on time.
Just remind yourself that we're in a learning process where you benefit
most by completing the assignments and giving it your best try. And
WHATEVER YOU DO IS FINE.
Day 4: Contrasting Dialogue
Yesterday was complex and threw some people for a loop, so today, I'd like us to work with a technique that is easy, has a variety of applications, and can elevate dialogue in many scenes.
It is called CONTRASTING DIALOGUE.
The simplest form of the technique is this:
Dialogue gives one message, Action/environment gives another.
Often, this is used for comedy, but it can also illuminate character, as well as provide some profound messages. Here's a famous scene from the movie NETWORK where contrast is what made it famous.
This is 2/3rds the way through the movie. Diane is an early 30's
up-and-coming news producer who is having an affair with Max, who is just retiring from the business and is in his 60's. He's obsessed with her and she's obsessed with...well, you'll see.
From NETWORK
EXT. MOTOR COURT - NIGHT
DIANA and MAX getting out of their car and heading for one
of the ground-level rooms, MAX unlocking the door --
(chirping merrily
along)
-- Walter thinks we can knock out
the misprision of felony charge --
They go into
INT. MOTOR COURT - THEIR ROOM
MAX flicks the light on, kicks the door shut, and they are
instantly into each other's arms in a passionate embrace.
-- but he says absolutely nix
on going to series. They'll hit us
with inducement and conspiracy
to commit a crime --
She busily removes her shoes and unbuttons her blouse and
whisks out of her slacks; and, down to her bikini panties,
she is now scouring the walls for a thermostat.
Christ, it's cold in here --
(she turns up the
You see we're paying these nuts from
the Ecumenical Liberation Army ten
thousand bucks a week to bring in
authentic film footage on their
revolutionary activities, and that
constitutes inducement to commit a
crime; and Walter says we'll all
wind up in federal prison --
Nubile and nearly naked, she entwines herself around MAX,
who, by now, has stripped down to his trousers; and the two
hungering bodies slide down onto the bed where they commence
an affable moment of amative foreplay --
(efficiently unbuckling
and unzippering MAX's
trousers)
-- I said: "Walter, let the government
sue us! We'll take them to the
Supreme Court! We'll be front page
for months! The Washington Post and
the New York Times will be doing two
editorials a week about us! We'll
have more press than Watergate!"
Groping, grasping, gasping and fondling, they contrive to
denude each other, and, in a fever of sexual hunger, DIANA
mounts MAX, and the SCREEN is filled with the voluptuous
writhings of love, DIANA crying out with increasing
exultancy --
(in the throes of
passion)
-- All I need -- is six weeks
of federal litigation -- and the Mao
Tse Tung Hour -- can start carrying
its own time slot!
She screams in consummation, sighs a long, deliciously
shuddering sigh, and sinks softly down into MAX's embrace.
For a moment, she rests her head on MAX's chest, eyes closed
in feline contentment.
(after a moment, she
purrs)
What's really bugging me now is my
daytime programming. NBC's got a
lock on daytime with their lousy
game shows, and I'd like to bust
them. I'm thinking of doing a
homosexual soap opera -- The Dykes
the heart-rending saga of a
woman helplessly in love with her
husband's mistress. What do you
think?
What do you think? They could have done a business lunch where all they
talked about was business and then done a love scene where all they talked about is love/sex and it would have bored us to tears. But contrast the two and we've got an extremely compelling scene that tells us so much about the characters and their relationship.
So many times, people think dialogue has to "say" something to be
powerful. Many times, the power comes from a message that is delivered
that is completely different than the dialogue. Let me ask you a question.
When does talking about Big Macs make a scene interesting?
Read this scene from PULP FICTION and you'll see how this "irrelevant"
conversation sets a tone for who these two characters are and how routine killing is for them.
INT. '74 CHEVY (MOVING) - MORNING
An old gas guzzling, dirty, white 1974 Chevy Nova BARRELS
down a homeless-ridden street in Hollywood. In the front
seat are two young fellas -- one white, one black -- both
wearing cheap black suits with thin black ties under long
green dusters. Their names are VINCENT VEGA (white) and
JULES WINNFIELD (black). Jules is behind the wheel.
NOTE: I cut out some of their conversation about Vincent going to Europe just to get to the exciting Big Mac part quicker.
VINCENT
But you know what the funniest thing
about Europe is?
VINCENT
It's the little differences. A
lotta the same shit we got here,
they got there, but there they're a
little different.
Examples?
VINCENT
Well, in Amsterdam, you can buy
beer in a movie theatre. And I
don't mean in a paper cup either.
They give you a glass of beer, like
in a bar. In Paris, you can buy
beer at MacDonald's. Also, you
know what they call a Quarter
Pounder with Cheese in Paris?
They don't call it a Quarter
Pounder with Cheese?
VINCENT
No, they got the metric system
there, they wouldn't know what the
fuck a Quarter Pounder is.
What'd they call it?
VINCENT
Royale with Cheese.
(repeating)
Royale with Cheese. What'd they
call a Big Mac?
VINCENT
Big Mac's a Big Mac, but they call
it Le Big Mac.
What do they call a Whopper?
VINCENT
I dunno, I didn't go into a Burger
King. But you know what they put
on french fries in Holland instead
of ketchup?
VINCENT
Mayonnaise.
Goddamn!
VINCENT
I seen 'em do it. And I don't mean
a little bit on the side of the
plate, they fuckin' drown 'em in
Uuccch!
NOTE: If that was all this scene was about, we'd be so disappointed with it, but now, the contrast shows up in the next scene and a whole new understanding of these characters and their part in this story
emerges. BTW, did you notice how engaged they were in their Big Mac
conversation?
INT. CHEVY (TRUNK) - MORNING
The trunk of the Chevy OPENS UP, Jules and Vincent reach
inside, taking out two .45 Automatics, loading and cocking
We should have shotguns for this
kind of deal.
VINCENT
How many up there?
Three or four.
VINCENT
Counting our guy?
I'm not sure.
VINCENT
So there could be five guys up
there?
It's possible.
VINCENT
We should have fuckin' shotguns.
They CLOSE the trunk.
NOTE: Now is is clear that Vincent and Jules were on their way to a
hired-murder the whole time. Without ever saying it, the Big Mac
conversation showed just how routine it was for them to kill people. Theywere so relaxed that they could get completely grossed out by mayonnaise onFrench fries. That says a lot about the characters.
But it goes much farther than that. In the scene sequence I'm sending with this email, you'll see that they have a complete conversation with the men they're going to kill. About what? Big Macs, mayonnaise, and Bible verses.
HOW'S IT WORK?
In the first scene from NETWORK, the characters are both engaged in what they're obsessed about and they've just MIXED them. It was fresh because no one had ever seen that combination before.
In the second scene from PULP FICTION, the writer simply looked for some interesting trivia that they could engage in to show their state of mind -- on a routine hit.
Both of those are high-quality examples, but the strategy is simple:
A. Put two things together that contrast each other.
B. Simply oppose words and actions in some way.
The show COLOMBO based its main plot device on this -- have the bad guy
help to solve the crime.
I turned to Cheryl and asked her thoughts on this. She said:
"The Mother changes a really stinky diaper while her husband
talks with her about going out for some great tasting barbecue.
Does that sound like Contrasting Dialogue?"
I guess we won't be going out for BBQ tonight. But her example fits quite
ASSIGNMENT
--------------------
Let's put this into action.
1. Write a scene where there is a contrast between the
dialogue and the action/environment in some way.
2. Answer the question "What I learned doing this assignment
is...?"
Deadline: 48 hours
-----------------------------
Usually, the easiest way to do this is to pick an extreme action or extreme environment and then brainstorm dialogue that could be in contrast with that action/environment.
Why extreme? Because that is easier to contrast. Usually, if you can get the action, it is easy to come up with the contrasting
dialogue. Example: What would contrast "changing stinky diaper?"
But you can do anything you'd like as long as there is a clear contrast
between the dialogue and action/environment.
Let your imaginations fly on this one.
Day 5: Dialogue Structures
Today, we'll work with three structures for dialogue that will give your scenes more realism. These structures you'll see every day if you listen closely to people's dialogue. And they are easy ways to improve the feel of your dialogue without having to change it much. They are:
1. Circular dialogue.
2. Metaphoric dialogue.
3. Two different conversations at the same time.
At first look, these seem superficial, but they can make profound changes to the experience of the reader/audience. So look closely.
1. CIRCULAR DIALOGUE
This is one of the easiest of all dialogue techniques. Essentially, one or more characters begin a subject, are interrupted, and circles back to their original subject. This simple scene shows the structure:
INT. KITCHEN -- DAY
Mike tries to sneak past the breakfast table and out the
door. Sarah walks in just in time.
Oh, good, you're still here.
Yeah, just leaving.
If you don't have any emergencies,
can you help me clean up a bit?
Hey, I was going to ask you, what do
you think about the extra charge
that the Homeowner's association has
applied to our payments?
Sarah starts running the water on the dishes.
I don't like it one bit.
Thirty-three percent increase over
the last year.
Where's all that money going?
New administrator, I think.
Well I, for one, am going to speak
up at the next meeting.
Sarah hands him a dishtowel.
If you'll dry, I'll wash.
(looks toward the
Alright.
Sarah started by making a request of Mike. Mike distracted, then Sarah
returned to her original request. Ever had that happen to you? When two
people have different things that are important to them, their
conversations will often include circular dialogue.
2. METAPHORIC DIALOGUE
There are two varieties of metaphoric dialogue:
A. When someone speaks through metaphors. Like a business person who
consistently talks through sports metaphors. "The client was walking us
out. It was the ninth inning and just before we left, Jack hit a home run."
Other metaphors: Nature, war, business, religion, movies, etc.
This, again, is an expression of "Life Metaphors" and I include it to emphasize that a Life Metaphor needs to be a metaphor, not just a saying or belief.
B. When two characters are doing and talking about something that actually represents something more important to them.
This happens in a lot of love scenes where the stroking of a horse or the tending of flowers is played out as foreplay to making love.
In the scene below (from the book "Writing Dialogue for Scripts" by Rib
Davis), you'll see two characters talking. Alice gives an opinion and
instead of attacking Alice's POV, Cath attacks Alice's breadmaking.
INT. ALICE'S KITCHEN -- DAY
Alice is kneading the dough to make bread. Cath watches.
I'm just going to have to leave.
Find another job.
Well he's mad--
Pass the flour, could you?
She does as she talks.
--completely obsessed with
punctuality. It's driving me round
the bend.
Have you told him?
I mean, if I'm just a minute late--
(overlapping)
But have you told him that he's being--
(overlapping)
I think he's trying to establish his
authority or something. No, of course
I haven't told him -- He's my boss.
I'd tell Barbara.
Yeah, well he's not Barbara, is he?
Why do you bother to make bread,
Alice? It's just as good from the
supermarket.
Thanks very much.
And it's probably cheaper. It's
certainly less messy.
Alice kneads the bread in silence. After a moment--
I mean Brian was always so kind -
flowers and whatever.
Maybe this new fella'll calm down.
Or maybe he won't. Even time off in
lieu - he makes me fell as if I'm
not really entitled to it.
Alice stops kneading for a moment.
Well you do...
A look from Cath, but Alice carries on speaking and resumes
kneading.
You did use to take quite a lot of
time--
No more than I was entitled to!
You're meant to be able to take time
off - it's in lieu - you know?
Yeah, yeah.
Lengthy pause.
So...will that really rise?
Should do, yeah.
3. TWO DIFFERENT CONVERSATIONS AT THE SAME TIME
Person A talks about one thing. Person B talks about another. You'd think they're in two different rooms. They're not communicating, that's for sure. But somehow, it comes around in a way that reveals character and makes sense to the audience.
You can see this in the brilliant scene from THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT.
President Shepard returns to the White House after going back on a deal he made with Sydney, who is his girlfriend and who also works for an
environmental lobby firm.
Here, she's talking about a sweater that she borrowed from her sister.
He's trying to figure out why she's leaving. Two different
conversations...until they explode into the real problem. You'll also note that the writer uses a metaphor (the sweater) and circular dialogue.
INT. SHEPHERD'S BEDROOM - LATE AFTERNOON
SYDNEY is going through the closet in search of something.
The door opens, and SHEPHERD steps in, perhaps a little
tentatively. He doesn't see SYDNEY at first.
SHEPHERD
(calling out)
SYDNEY comes out.
SYDNEY
Have you seen a gray cableknit
sweater?
SHEPHERD
A grey...sweater? No. I called you
at the office, but...
SYDNEY
It's Beth's. I wore it here one time,
and I didn't want to leave it.
SHEPHERD
Where were you going?
SYDNEY continues her search.
SYDNEY
I'm going home, and then I'm going
to Hartford.
SHEPHERD
Connecticut?
SYDNEY
Yes. Do you know if it was sent with
your dry cleaning by any--
SHEPHERD
What's in Connecticut?
SYDNEY
Richard Reynolds' campaign. He may
be able to get me a job.
SHEPHERD
When did you decide to get a new
SYDNEY
Not long after Leo Solomon fired me
from my old one. Beth's gonna kill
me. She loves that--
SHEPHERD
Why did he fire you?
SYDNEY
Total failure to achieve any of the
objectives for which I was hired. I
told him he was being unreasonable.
After all, I did get to dance with
the President and ride in Air Force
One a couple of times. But you know
those prickly environmentalists.
It's always gonna be something with
them. If it's not clean air, then
it's clean water. Like it isn't good
enough that I'm on the cover of People
Magazine.
SHEPHERD
I'll call him.
SYDNEY
You'll call him? You mean you'll
call him yourself? Personally?
It'll come from the President?
That's a great idea. I think you
should call Leo and make a deal. He
hires me back for, say, 72 days. I
go around scaring the hell out of
Congress, making them think that the
President's about to drive through a
very damaging and costly bill.
They'll believe me, right, 'cause
I'm the President's Friday Night
Girl. Now I don't know if you can
dip into this well twice, especially
since I've lost all credibility in
politics, but you never know, I might
just be able to pull it off again. I
might be able to give you just the
leverage you need to pass some ground-
breaking piece of crime legislation --
like a mandatory three-day waiting
period before a five-year-old can
buy an Uzi.
She slams the drawer.
SYDNEY
Fuck the sweater -- she'll have to
learn to live with disappointment.
She starts to exit.
SHEPHERD
What do you think went on here today?
She stops.
SYDNEY
I know exactly what went on here
today. I got screwed. You saw the
poll, you needed the crime bill, you
couldn't get it on your own, so I
got screwed.
SHEPHERD
The environment got screwed. Nothing
happened to you today, Sydney.
Governing is choosing. Governing is
prioritizing. I've made no secret of
the fact that the crime bill was my
top priority.
SYDNEY
Well then, congratulations. It's
only taken you three years to put
together crime prevention legislation
that has no hope of preventing crime.
SYDNEY heads out the door--
SHEPHERD
(stopping)
Sydney. Please. I don't want to lose
you over this.
SYDNEY
Mr. President, you got bigger problems
than losing me. You just lost my
And SYDNEY is out the door...
...we HOLD on SHEPHERD, looking like a man who's taken a lot
of punches to the head...
Did you see all three? The sweater is a metaphor for Sydney's anger and
disappointment. Shepherd and Sydney are having two different conversations. And Sydney begins with the "sweater" and then circles back to it.
All simple structures that can dramatically raise the entertainment value of a scene.
BTW, I'm including an article I wrote showing some of the other techniques that are used in this same scene. It is worth a second read if you saw it in the newsletter.
So now you have three different dialogue structures and if there's any
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