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Thu Jan 15, 2004

BRAIN SANDWICH

I have been all over the world, and I realize people eat all kinds of weird stuff, but this is just gross. They will get what they deserve.



Food for thought, or is that, of thought...

Posted by: The Theorist on Jan 15, 04 | 6:11 pm | Profile


[6] comments (311 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



My Held Hostage Story

I was once held hostage in a cabinet shop. My ex worked in a cabinet shop and we carpooled to work each day. I went to pick him up one day and while waiting in the car I saw a white guy (hereafter, W) being chased by a black guy (hereafter B). W darted between my car and the car parked in front of me and narrowly missed being hit by an oncoming car. He ran into the my ex's workplace. B was yelling at W and stopped for traffic just in front of me. I noticed he had a pistol of some type. I began thinking heroic thoughts, like trying to pin him between my car and the other car, but decided he'd probably blow my head off so I just sat there hoping he wouldn't bother me. He ran across the street and tried to go into the cabinet shop but apparently someone had locked the doors. He ran around to the back of the building and I'm trying to flag down a cop at the intersection up ahead to no avail. One of the guys my ex works with yelled for me to run into the shop through the door he was holding open. I preferred my place in the car but thought he knew best. Once inside I seen W just sitting in a chair, one of the workers is on the phone to the cops, and everyone else is hiding behind cabinets. I took my place behind one also. We could hear B outside trying to get in and yelling, then a knock and it's the cops who had caught B out back. The gun was found in some bushes next to the building. I wish I had been a hero and pinned the guy... it would have been so wonderful to get awarded a Medal of Heroics.

Posted by: cj on Jan 15, 04 | 3:43 pm | Profile

[5] comments (297 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



Give Him Back his Money

This makes me mad! The mayor has this 71-year old man's one thousand dollar bill and won't give it back! Any 71-year old man who is still out there smoking weed and drinking till pass out stage gets me on his side.



MoneyTroubles

Posted by: cj on Jan 15, 04 | 2:19 pm | Profile


[4] comments (297 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



NATIONAL DO NOT SPAM REGISTRY

It's about time. I have been waiting for this since the do not call list came into effect.



No more spam-unless you want it...

Posted by: The Theorist on Jan 15, 04 | 1:38 pm | Profile


[5] comments (259 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



Please stay away from the camera!

Shriver During Her Postmortem

Oh my God! Why does she not avoid the camera? She is probably the oldest looking woman on the planet... Even older looking than the Emperor woman! Here, she appears to be trying to catch he body parts as they fall off her head. It is an exercise known as Leper-obics.

Yeah, I know, she is probably a nice woman. Still, on Juggernuts, she gets it with both barrels!

Caption: Eunice Kennedy Shriver, sister of former U.S. President John F. Kennedy adjusts her hair as she waits for the start of the Emporio Armani's Fall/Winter 2004 men's collection at the Milan fashion week January 14, 2004. REUTERS/Daniele La Monaca

Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 15, 04 | 6:57 am | Profile


[15] comments (398 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



Idiots Stick Together:

The Faces of Imbecilica!

These two yahoos getting together is a completely retarded scene. Look at those goofy looks on their faces. All I can think is that he must have poked her in the rear real good. It looks like they have this nasty little secret that they keep between them. Maybe he's stickin' it to her fright there! Kerry must be angry because he was on the receiving end of a hummer just recently. I bet he has a broken heart this morning. Let’s have a big sigh for Kerry...

Also, "Imbecilica" is a new word meaning: a mental state where many imbeciles gather to share their imbecilic ideas and ideologies.

Caption: Democratic candidate for president former Vermont governor Howard Dean stands with former Illinois U.S. Senator Carol Mosely Braun in this January 11, 2004 file photo taken at a candidate debate in Des Moines, Iowa. Democratic presidential contender Carol Moseley Braun will drop out of the race and endorse front-runner Howard Dean in Iowa Thursday, political sources said. REUTERS/Jim Bourg

Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 15, 04 | 6:45 am | Profile


[9] comments (353 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



Yarbz Morning Photo Caption:

NASA Speech



Yarbz Caption: President George W. Bush stands while he is admired by adoring fans out side new NASA (No Asshole Saddam Anymore) building in downtown Baghdad. Thousands of Iraqis were so happy they peed themselves at the opening of the NASA community center. NASA will help Iraqis cope with all the memories of murder and torture under the regime. As the same time, NASA will seek out and destroy any remaining evil bastards.

Original Cation: US President George W. Bush delivers a major address on US space programmes at NASA headquarters in Washington. Bush unveiled ambitious plans for the United States to return to the Moon as early as 2015, saying a lunar base would serve as a jumping-off point for manned missions to Mars and 'across our solar system.'(AFP/Tim Sloan)

Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 15, 04 | 6:40 am | Profile


[12] comments (315 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



Wed Jan 14, 2004

I'M WITH HIM



He was just saying hello...

Posted by: The Theorist on Jan 14, 04 | 6:50 pm | Profile


[48] comments (594 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



THIS JUST MAKES ME LAUGH

No agenda from Conspiracy Dude on this one. I just think it's funny.



See for yourself...

Posted by: The Theorist on Jan 14, 04 | 2:45 pm | Profile


[2] comments (273 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



A SPAM LAW THAT MAKES SENSE

After years of trying to find a solution to the problem, Congress is really onto something



No more spam...

Posted by: The Theorist on Jan 14, 04 | 2:43 pm | Profile


[2] comments (304 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



NOW I'M REALLY CONFUSED

Well, umm, well, shit, I guess we just have to go home now.

Posted by: The Theorist on Jan 14, 04 | 2:32 pm | Profile

[1] comments (282 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



Thoughts of Summer

I am so lucky to I live 30 minutes from Party Cove. Anyone ever heard of Party Cove? Basically it's a cove on the Lake of the Ozarks where boats tie themselves together making a large floating dock of sorts. People party hardy at the Party Cove, going from boat to boat getting drunker and drunker, stoned and more stoned, and naked, naked, naked!

Anything can happen and usually does. The arrest reports in the newspaper are downright funny following some weekends at Party Cove. For instance, two guys once got off the boat they were passengers on to take a nap on land under some shade trees (pass out more likely) and when they awoke their boat was gone. They walked naked to a parking lot in the park where a ranger gave them a ride to the police station.

PartyCove

Posted by: cj on Jan 14, 04 | 12:36 pm | Profile


[15] comments (981 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



Gift Ideas

SINGAPORE - Women in Singapore are buying their husbands special Lunar New Year briefs, hoping to bring them good fortune and increase their sexual potency.

Women are also buying themselves "Funky Monkey" panties specially designed for the year of the monkey, featuring smiling cartoon primates. The Lunar New Year begins on Jan. 22 and is celebrated by the Chinese diaspora around the globe.

Posted by: cj on Jan 14, 04 | 12:24 pm | Profile


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That's Right Baby. I'm a Bitch.

This morning's drive to work was pretty uneventful until I got near my exit. Traffic was moving faster than normal, 75 through the latest construction zone marked 60 mph, and I'm just going with the flow until behind me appears an ugly old white car with a Michael Jackson look alike driving. She began riding my butt for a mile or more and can't pass because I'm already in the passing lane passing people. When I finally can switch to the right lane, she switches too and rides even closer. She's beginning to irritate me at this point. I notice she switches to left lane and I realize she and I are heading for the same exit that's coming up quick. I moved forward slightly faster and successfully caused her to miss her exit because she could not cut me off and squeeze ahead of me and behind that SUV. I won! Plus, the finger didn't matter as I grinned on my way.

Posted by: cj on Jan 14, 04 | 10:19 am | Profile

[2] comments (242 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



Bad advice

On the Fourth of January Northern Illinois got its first significant snow fall of the year. Perhaps 6 or 7 inches fell at my house. I was moderately cool with it as it gave me a chance to fire up that snow blower and get in a little shovel work, which I, for some reason, seem to enjoy. That is, of course, when I don't have to do it very often.

We have a sidewalk next to the garage that leads to the back entrance to the house. The sidewalk is made of bricks and they have become uneven due to small burrowing mammals and the passage of time. Shoveling this walk or hitting it with the snowblower is trecherous at best due to the uneven bricks.

I read on iwon.com a gardening tip that suggested that you use either sand or cat litter instead of salt to melt ice and snow. It was said to be better for the yard and the garden as it didn't leech into the soil and burn the roots of plants and grass. I had recently just purchased the wrong type of cat litter (that will not work in the $80 automatic cat box stupid thingy), so I had some to spare. I spread it liberally on the side walkway as well as the front walk up to the house and the brick steps near the front door.

This was NOT a good idea.

While it did melt the snow, we were left with a swampy clay-like mess. You see, apparently the cat litter is made of absorbant clay material that turns into a pasty white and very slippery substance once it is wet. It also sticks to everything. I now have a white path leading into the garage and thru it. Every pair of shoes and pants that I own is encased in what looks like chalk. It is in my cars, my house, on the dog, the dog's bed, just about everywhere.

The day before yesterday, I had had enough and decided to thaw a hose pipe and wash the crud away. I hooked the hose up to the sink in the laundry room so I could generate some hot water and blast away. The litter now sticks to the walk now like cement and then I got it wet and swampy and slippery all over again. I worked diligently to remove all traces of the goo from the front entry, but that side walkway is still a mess.

Thanks a lot for the great tip Iwon. I am stopping to buy salt on the way home.

Posted by: FloridaBill on Jan 14, 04 | 7:08 am | Profile

[7] comments (347 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



Car Shopping in Baghdad:

We're Given them Away!

Car shopping has become a difficult venture in Iraq these days...



Caption: A man looks over the damage done to a vehicle after a suicide bomber blew up a car outside a police station in the Iraqi town of Baquba, January 14, 2004. A suicide bomber blew up a car outside a police station in central Iraq, killing two civilians and wounding more than 20, mostly police, in the latest assault on those backing the American occupiers. (Ali Jasim/Reuters)

Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 14, 04 | 6:48 am | Profile


[21] comments (387 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



Yarbz Morning Photo Caption:

Kerry Sings The Hits



Yarbz Caption: Democratic candidate for president Massachusetts U.S. Senator John Kerry seranades singer Carol Kings with his version of Barfrah Streisand's "Mammories" during a fund raiser where Carol King told the audience that she is supporting Kerry because she always had a crush on "Lurch" from the Adams Family television show. She expelained that while the she has no chance with Lurch, she might be able to get a piece of Kerry. Kerry, angered by the "lurch" comment, told her that he is much more like a "French Frankenstien" and she should consider touching his rather lenghty but stitched on willy that once belonged to John Holmes. Kerry, a big fan of Holmes, bought the member shortly after his untimely death.

Original Caption: Democratic candidate for president Massachusetts U.S. Senator John Kerry holds hands with singer/songwriter Carole King after King gave a concert in support of his campaign in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, January 13, 2004, Iowa will hold presidential caucuses on January 19, 2004. REUTERS/Lou Dematteis/Handout

Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 14, 04 | 6:36 am | Profile


[1] comments (484 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



Tue Jan 13, 2004

RABIES TEST WAS NEGATIVE

The dead man doesn't need a rabies shot and the living lady is thrilled that rabies shots will not be needed. People still wonder if this wasn't just a road rage incident gone too far.

The mountain lion authorities believe killed one mountain biker and mauled another at a wilderness park did not have rabies, authorities said.

State wildlife investigators conducted the rabies test to determine, among other things, why the animal exhibited such aggressive behavior in the attacks last week at Whiting Ranch Wilderness Park. Rabies could have partially explained the attacks.

Anne Hjelle, 30, was rescued from the jaws of a mountain lion Thursday by a cycling partner who clung to her leg and other mountain bikers who threw rocks at the animal as it tried to drag her away.

Hjelle was in fair condition at a Mission Viejo hospital.

The body of Mark Reynolds, 35, later was found partially buried near his bike. Reynolds apparently had crouched down to fix a broken bicycle chain when he was attacked. Reynolds was a native of St. Joseph and a 1991 graduate of the University of Missouri-Columbia.

A 2-year-old, 110-pound male mountain lion was shot and killed by Orange County sheriff’s deputies after it was seen near the site where Reynolds was found. DNA tests were under way to see whether tissue the lion had tissue in its stomach matched Reynolds’.

Posted by: cj on Jan 13, 04 | 3:51 pm | Profile

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Now He's a Good Guy!

PETA Approves!

This is the PETA approved version of the recent event with the bonzo Aussie dude. Sent to me by Dane Bramage.

Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 13, 04 | 11:23 am | Profile

[2] comments (267 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



Liberal Activist Seeking Like Minded Partner

Finally, a new online dating service that saves you from asking your date who she or he voted for and if she's a meat eater or a sucker for eggplant.



SEXUAL-POLITICS

Posted by: cj on Jan 13, 04 | 10:30 am | Profile


[2] comments (253 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



2004 ACTIC - NOT A SHELBY

Wackiest car ever, the description reads. Boy, is that an understatement. I've never seen tires like the ones on this vehicle that even comes with it's own pull behind wagon.



NISSAN

Posted by: cj on Jan 13, 04 | 9:08 am | Profile


[2] comments (235 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



SOUP AND CONDOM - ENTS

How about one more lawsuit regarding restauarants? Condom style soup. Dieting is beginning to sound like a good idea.



BARF

Posted by: cj on Jan 13, 04 | 8:53 am | Profile


[1] comments (257 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



He Got a Golf Jones!

From FoxNews.com



Talk About Dedicating Your Life to Golf

MIAMI (AP) — A man who lived on a golf course for 40 years was told to leave because some golfers complained that he scared them.

Kenny Bethel, 55, first showed up at Palmetto Golf Course after he ran away from home in 1963. He collected and resold stray golf balls, used the club's showers and toilets at night and slept in a sheltered area on the course that housed the showers.

"This course became my job and later, my home," he said. "What have I done to deserve this?"

For the last nine years, Bethel had been joined by his wife Francis, 43. They have since relocated to a space under a nearby bridge.

"It's a huge dilemma," said Carlos McKeon, manager of Miami-Dade County Golf Operations. "We used to cast a benign eye on Kenny. But when a few golfers complained that he's trespassing and it's against the law, we had to get him off."

Other golfers, who had become accustomed to seeing Bethel on the course, were surprised by his banishment.

"He's a nice guy," said golfer Mario Deif. "You have to admire someone who has debunked modern life and lives off the land."

Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 13, 04 | 7:32 am | Profile

[1] comments (231 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



Yarbz Morning Photo Caption:

Rare Moment in Sports!



Yarbz Caption: Martina Navratilova allows a ball to get close to her mouth. Ms. Navratilova told the audience, who were present for the autograph session, that this is the closest she has ever allowed a ball or balls to get to any of her orifices. She did eventually cradle a few grapefruit with her neck and also a couple of melons but turned down the opportunity to take a pair of figs from a member of the crowd and put them near her mouth. She responded to a few hecklers in the crowd, stating, "I think there should be less bein' rude here.

Original Caption: Ball hugging : Martina Navratilova of the US squeezes a tennis ball with her cheek during an autograph signing session at the Sydney International. (AFP/David Hancock)

Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 13, 04 | 7:04 am | Profile


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9-11 reminder:

This is pretty good...

CLICK HERE!

Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 13, 04 | 6:39 am | Profile


[3] comments (292 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



Texas Peace Plan:

Problem Solved!

This is a great way to begin the peace process.

Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 13, 04 | 6:18 am | Profile

[4] comments (307 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



Syracuse Has Balls

Don't Touch My Balls!

Syracuse seems to be playing very well lately. they took out Missouri last night at Missouri despite that fact that the Tigers tried to touch the Orangemen’s ball throughout the entire game. The next game at Notre Dame will be difficult because they are expected to try and touch Syracuse's weeners as much as possible. Coach Boeheim has taken no changes and ordered three extra cases of duct tape for all future games, especially those games against Georgetown. Georgetown players are known to enjoy a little rear end social activity. Story



Caption: Missouri's Thomas Gardner, left, reaches in to steal the ball away from Syracuse's Josh Pace Monday, Jan. 12, 2004, during the second half of Syracuse's 82-68 victory in Columbia, Mo. (AP Photo/L.G. Patterson)

Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 13, 04 | 6:02 am | Profile


[0] comments (291 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks



Mon Jan 12, 2004

PAYBACK, OR COVERING ASS

I don't know if anyone else saw 60 Minutes on Sunday, but the things O'neil had to say were pretty damning. Now the administartion is trying to find out how documents that showed possible suitors for Iraqi oil contracts showed up on TV. It really makes me wonder why they were talking about this long before 9/11. As I've said all along, this administartion was planning on going to war with Iraq no matter what.



Now I really have some questions...

Posted by: The Theorist on Jan 12, 04 | 3:58 pm | Profile


[25] comments (365 views) |  [0] Trackbacks   [0] Pingbacks


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