Brain sandwich
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Internet Eating If you are going to be this stupid.. someone will eat you. EATME Posted by: cj on Jan 12, 04 | 3:33 pm | Profile [3] comments (282 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks Stupid Warning Labels I love these. They are funny and show just how litigious we can be. I understand the new Lavitra drug comes with a warning that if you get one stuck in your throat, you could have a stiff neck for hours. Just ask Mike Ditka. Could he be the next coach of the Bears? More... Posted by: FloridaBill on Jan 12, 04 | 12:59 pm | Profile [1] comments (318 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks SHOPPING SPREE GONE BAD Homeland Security money has amassed one county around $1,000,000. All of this money has gone to equipment purchases (nothing about funds for training to use this equipment). Mr. McNabb, head of the county's Emergency Management Agency, made this brilliant comment, This is America,” McNabb said. “People are responsible for themselves.” His comment explains why the Red Cross will be in charge of feeding and sheltering people if the need arises. Dollars Posted by: cj on Jan 12, 04 | 12:40 pm | Profile [0] comments (237 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks I KNOW WHERE I'M NOT GOLFING 
HARSH, REALLY, REALLY HARSH! Posted by: The Theorist on Jan 12, 04 | 11:07 am | Profile
[12] comments (344 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks Still Wanted - Please Help Remembering back to my first drink of moonshine... shudder. The drink that nearly killed me. Now I can buy it in jelly form and die with a piece of toast. Moonshine Posted by: cj on Jan 12, 04 | 9:12 am | Profile [2] comments (239 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks Ha! Very Clever! From FoxNews: I'll Take the &*$@#! Fries With That Local cops are scrambling to find the jokester who's hacked into a Burger King's (search) drive-through speaker in Troy, Mich., telling customers they're too fat to order Whoppers. Police figure some teenagers must have discovered the radio frequency used to transmit conversations between the parking-lot order kiosk and the restaurant kitchen, according to Ananova.com. One customer was told: "You don't need a couple of Whoppers. You're too fat. Pull ahead," according to police Lt. Gerry Scherlinck. When the manager came out to apologize to a carload of customers who'd just heard a stream of obscenities, the drive-through speaker had a special message for him as well. "There's nothing you or the police can do about this," said the speaker, "so get your fat ass back inside and take your goons with you," Scherlinck told the Detroit News. Kevin Barnes, a spokesman for the franchise company that owns the restaurant, said he'd like to keep news of the incidents low-key. Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 12, 04 | 7:12 am | Profile [14] comments (339 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks Great Shot! Two Great Things! 
Two important staples of life caught in one photo... Beer and cleavage. Not necessarily in that order. Caption: A German brewery has developed a beer containing vitamins and minerals it says are designed to slow the ageing process. File photo shows Daniela Braml, wearing a traditional Bavarian dirndl drinking beer at Munich's Oktoberfest beer festival. REUTERS/Michaela Rehle Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 12, 04 | 6:40 am | Profile [3] comments (274 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks Indecent Proposal: The Candidate 
This shot was taken at the moment Carol Mosley Braun offered a hummer to Dick Gephardt. Braun, unaware of the shotgun microphone, told Dick that she loves him and would like to give him a little "present" for being such a liberal and helping to keep her people addicted to government assistance and cash. Then, she offered to harden Dick so he could hold up to the coming onslaught from Republicans. Dick said that he was hardened just at the thought of such help from Carol. Democratic hopeful Carol Mosley Braun, right, whispers to Dick Gephardt (news - web sites) before the start of the Brown and Black Forum in Des Monies, Iowa Sunday, Jan. 11, 2004. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall) Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 12, 04 | 6:32 am | Profile [0] comments (230 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks Yarbz Morning Photo Caption: Can't Take The Heat 
Yarbz Caption: Democratic presidential front runner, Howard Dean, turns to his assistant and all around helper, Linda Hand, as he broke into tears after a verbal assault from Missouri Rep. Dick Noheart. Noheart accused the New Hampshire liberal of being a baby and not fit for the tough job that is President of the United States. After about 5 minutes of uncontrolled sobbing, Dean recovered and responded to Nohearts attacks with, "You are but what am I?" and "Shut up retard!". Dean was later heard crying in the dressing room after the debate as he was suckled by Linda Hand. Original Capiton: Democratic presidential contender Missouri Rep. Dick Gephardt (L) watches as opponent former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean has makeup applied in Des Moines, Iowa January 11, 2004 prior to the final debate before the Iowa caucuses. Dean and Gephardt were locked in a near dead heat for the top spot, according to a Reuters/MSNBC/Zogby poll released on Sunday. REUTERS/Jim Bourg Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 12, 04 | 6:18 am | Profile [5] comments (241 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks Sun Jan 11, 2004 I WANNA MOVE TO IDAHO 
After realizing that the ever important "munchie crowd" has taken their money elsewhere, the owner of the Hailey, Idaho IGA decided to create a one stop shopping experience. With rock-bottom prices, and well stocked shelves, buisness boomed. Within 2 weeks, the store sold more Doritos and Mountain Dew than it had in the previous 6 months. Posted by: The Theorist on Jan 11, 04 | 9:06 pm | Profile
[2] comments (238 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks JACKO'S WACKO'S If there ever is a time to set up a "free speech zone" out of the view of the public, THIS IS IT. Now I don't know how many shitheads will really show up for this, but I would love to be in the middle of them...with my 5 iron. Touchy feely... Posted by: The Theorist on Jan 11, 04 | 9:01 pm | Profile [2] comments (257 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks Rush Fan Club I don't mean to keep on the whole Rush thing, but this is classic. His own fan club President calling him out. Hitting the nail on the head along the way. Letter to Rush... Posted by: The Theorist on Jan 11, 04 | 12:53 pm | Profile [2] comments (307 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks Sat Jan 10, 2004 Yes: I Am Drunk! Therefore, I am... Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 10, 04 | 6:32 pm | Profile
[3] comments (302 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks Fri Jan 09, 2004 Welcome to Maine: The Way Cold Looks 
Maine is cold. The Patriots game will be plently cold even in Maine's southern neighbor state, MassiveTwoShits. Caption: A ferry motors through arctic-like sea fog as it passes House Island in Casco Bay on its way to Portland, Maine, where the temperature dropped to minus-8 degrees Fahrenheit, Friday, Jan. 9, 2004. Fryeburg, Maine, was the coldest location in the state at 27 degrees below zero. Forecasters are predicting even colder temperatures next week. (AP Photo/Robert F. Bukaty) Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 09, 04 | 2:29 pm | Profile [0] comments (252 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks My Chicken Fried Rice Experience Mike (my significant other) wanted chicken fried rice last night. I had a huge bowl all ready to put on the table, when I realized I forgot to add teriaki sauce. I turned and put the bowl back on the counter, opened the cabinet and shook the sauce on the rice. As I went to put the bottle back in the cabinet, much to my horror, oh hell he's gonna kill me now thoughts running through my head, I had poured vanilla, lots and lots of vanilla on the rice! I drained as much as I could off, but it sucked. Truly sucked. It wasn't so bad if you kept shoveling it in your mouth, but if you stopped shovelling, YUCK! Ok give me more hell I deserve it. Posted by: cj on Jan 09, 04 | 8:54 am | Profile
[50] comments (464 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks Street People and the Genius I admit that I watched "The Apprentice last night. We didn't know if we'd like the latest reality show, but quickly discovered that Donald Trump is a freaking genius. The girls versed the guys and had to sell lemonade, whoever sold the most won. It gave me an idea. If the street people, bums, beggars, whatever you wish to call them got enough money for some lemonade they could walk the streets making money instead of begging for money. The lemonade sold by the guys was $2 a cup. Highway robbery, but people bought it. If they sold one glass they'd have $2. Hell that's enough for a bottle of Boone's Farm isn't it? I hope all the street people/bums will stand in sears next time Apprentice is on and learn how to make some money with a little of nothing. By the way, the girls won of course. Posted by: cj on Jan 09, 04 | 8:30 am | Profile
[0] comments (222 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks Delivering the Goods Jennifer Flowers joins musical production! Words are she has an amazing talent! BOOBS Posted by: cj on Jan 09, 04 | 7:45 am | Profile [1] comments (222 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks Pete Roseland In a FANTASTIC piece by Wall Street Journal editor Daniel Henninger, he trashes the likes of Mad-Donna, Andy and Lea Fastow and others while making a tremendous and final point about Pete Rose and his delusional new book. The article (which is fully displayed in "More of this Spew Dumbass") is a bit long, but is definately worth the read. The article hits it right on the head of the nail! More... Posted by: FloridaBill on Jan 09, 04 | 7:36 am | Profile
[0] comments (230 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks Levi's Are Done... I'll never buy another pair of Levi's. You can thank Walmart for this: Levi Strauss Closes Last Two U.S. Plants SAN ANTONIO — Levi Strauss & Co., the California Gold Rush outfitter whose blue jeans are a globally recognized symbol of America, closed its last two U.S. sewing plants Thursday. About 800 workers at the 26-year-old San Antonio plants lost their jobs in the move, which was announced last September. The financially troubled company, based in San Francisco, has been shifting production to overseas contractors for years to offset drooping sales in the ultra-competitive apparel market. Only two decades ago, it had 63 U.S. manufacturing plants. Levi Strauss spokesman Jeff Beckman said the 150-year-old company was making a delayed but unavoidable business decision.
Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 09, 04 | 6:57 am | Profile [10] comments (356 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks Yarbz Morning Photo Caption: Director Digs Moon! 
Yarbz Caption: Famed and admired nice guy and film director, Seven Spielberg, digs a hole on the lunar surface at the request of Gooonkflorb Mongmong, the dictator who runs all moon affairs. The reason for the hole was not known. Mr. Spielberg, while scouting a site for a new film, "The Weightless Adventures of Gandhi", met Mr. Mongmong for a small dinner where the respected director demanded that the infamous moon tyrant adhere to Earth's human rights laws. Mongmong, who loves Spielberg’s films, agreed to free the rocks currently imprisoned in the Stalag of Tranquility in return for a co-staring role as Gandhi’s side kick, Talking Steak. Mr. Spielberg begins filming as soon as he kick Yarbz ass. Original Caption: Astronaut Harrison Schmitt collects rock samples on the lunar surface during the Apollo 17 mission, the last manned mission to the Moon in 1972. President George W. Bush could make a major announcement about the US space program next week, amid reports he could propose a new manned mission to the Moon and eventually to Mars(AFP/NASA (news - web sites)/File) Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 09, 04 | 6:57 am | Profile [1] comments (293 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks Life Unfair to Beer Wench! Be My Beer Ho! 
Some times India is just not with it man. The 'Beer Wench' is a very important part of life. Besides, chances are that if they are not gainfully employed as beer wenches, they may be prostitutes or something. Maybe, if things really get bad for them they would ever watch Spielberg movies with monkeys and spank them during the scary parts. Caption: Australian police have warned 'beer wenches' -- scantily-clad women hired by cricket fans to queue at the bar for alcohol -- that they would not be welcome at the one-day international series with India. Here a lady in a beer can bikini(AFP/File/Wolfgang Kumm) Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 09, 04 | 6:52 am | Profile [5] comments (700 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks Protestors Without Brains: Get Out Of Vietnam! 
These pissy pants retards live in the past. Whatever their complaints might have been they can't live in today's reality. They also still protest about the Vietnam War, err, Conflict, they listen to Mantovani LP's, still go shopping for 8-track tapes, save their files on 5" floppy disks, wear missile tit bras, still consider France an ally, still want Boston to trade to get Babe Ruth back, think McArthur should be in command in Iraq, use asbestos to insulate their home, like the way lead paint lasts on window sills, can't wait for the Farrah Faucett Playboy to come out and think masturbation make you go blind. These turd cropping underwear filling freaks also sit on their couch and watch old Spielberg movies until they get fat. Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 09, 04 | 6:36 am | Profile
[1] comments (349 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks Thu Jan 08, 2004 SHITY POLICE WORK STIRKES AGAIN 
Posted by: The Theorist on Jan 08, 04 | 7:27 pm | Profile [3] comments (315 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks NO THEY HAVE GONE TO FAR Maybe they should just give everyone a pot to piss in. More bullshit here... Posted by: The Theorist on Jan 08, 04 | 6:23 pm | Profile [1] comments (263 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks Asses Everywhere I wish the people around here had better looking asses. I am currently looking at 3 people bent over by the copier trying to find the jammed paper. Why does it take 3 people anyway? Imagine 3 asses pointed at you. What if one of them farts? I have to write about them just to get the view out of my eyes. EEEWW I wish it were the maintenance man bent over trying to fix it. He has the best ass. Posted by: cj on Jan 08, 04 | 2:57 pm | Profile
[10] comments (358 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks What the hell is that green thing under my wiper? The parking situation around here sucks! Many of us do the parking shuffle to avoid the ten mile walk from the parking lots. We park at the capitol where it's 3 hours free. Here is how it works. One of us will check within the 3 hours for chalked tires. If chalked the person screams as soon as she hits our office door. We haul our lazy butts out there to either roll, wipe the mark off, or exchange places. Exchanging places takes much courage! To effectively get the spot you are trading your spot for it is necessary to block off all incoming circle traffic in order to save the spot that is to be yours. The designated first mover will drive wildly backward or forward until properly positioned for the other to move to the newly vacant spot. Once everyone is safely in a fresh spot, the blocked off drivers can continue on their way. Most give you the finger and yell names that are just not fitting for classy ladies such as ourselves. Another good way to get the chalk mark off is to throw any remaining coffee from your go cup on the tire. (Never waste a beer that you had on the way to work on chalked tires). I saw the governor taking a whizz on his chalk mark yesterday. We are not sending blind girl to check tires anymore. I got a fucking ticket. I'm shoving this ticket up her nose. Posted by: cj on Jan 08, 04 | 12:59 pm | Profile
[8] comments (264 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks All Hail Robert Duvall Robert Duvall Slams Spielberg From CNN LOS ANGELES, California (Reuters) -- Actor Robert Duvall probably won't be making any movies for DreamWorks any time soon. In a CBS "60 Minutes II" interview set for broadcast Wednesday, the Oscar-winning performer sharply criticized filmmaker and DreamWorks SKG studio co-founder Steven Spielberg for visiting Cuba in November 2002. "Spielberg went down there recently and said, 'The best seven hours I ever spent was actually with Fidel Castro.' Now, what I want to ask him, ... 'Would you consider building a little annex on the Holocaust museum, or at least across the street, to honor the dead Cubans that Castro killed.' That's very presumptuous of him to go there," Duvall told Charlie Rose, according to excerpts of the interview released by CBS. The actor, who won an Academy Award for his role in the 1983 film "Tender Mercies," added, "I'll never work at DreamWorks again, but I don't care about working there anyway." More... Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 08, 04 | 11:52 am | Profile [18] comments (429 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks Welfare Jokers My job involves Administrative Hearings for welfare recipients. Just had to share something from one of this mornings hearings with everyone. This Claimant received a $60,000 settlement recently so he was told he was not eligible for food stamps anymore. He was asked in the hearing if he really received this settlement, to which he replied yes, but I still want food stamps if I can get them. Without hesitation came these words "Are you kidding me, you have $60,000 in the bank and you still expect food stamps. Well I can almost guarantee you that you will not be getting food stamps." Get outta here! Next idiot please! Posted by: cj on Jan 08, 04 | 9:48 am | Profile
[16] comments (320 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks Fat? Lazy? Skanky? Sue your cable company! I saw this on a British news site and couldn't resist. Once again, this is America and you can sue anyone for anything, but this is a tad ridiculous. More... Posted by: FloridaBill on Jan 08, 04 | 9:27 am | Profile [9] comments (289 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks Posted For FB: Sad Ham Pig Butt 
Wow! Caption: A photograph purporting to show Saddam Hussein being dragged from his squalid hide-out has been published on the internet. Unofficial US army website www.military.com published the picture which was reportedly taken by a US soldier. It appears to contradict the official version of Saddam's arrest in which he was said to have given himself up without a struggle. In the photograph, he is pictured pinned to the ground by a GI who the former dictator had allegedly spat at moments earlier. His face is in the dirt and his arms appear to be bound behind his back. US military spokesman refused to confirm whether or not the pictures were genuine but said it was possible. "A lot of soldiers carry happy snappy cameras with them," the spokesman said. Saddam was arrested after he was found in a 6ft by 3ft hidey-hole at Ad Dawr, near Tikrit, by US soldiers last month. Posted by: Yarbz on Jan 08, 04 | 9:25 am | Profile [6] comments (273 views) | [0] Trackbacks [0] Pingbacks |