|“What Would Liam Neeson Do?”
This Week At Judson Sunday School
Perhaps you are familiar with the popular acronym, WWJD?, which stands for “What Would Jesus Do?” Asking oneself “What Would Jesus Do?” is a marvelous guide for life’s perplexities, but let’s face it: when is the last time you saw anyone – Christian or otherwise – actually follow Jesus’ teachings of turning the other cheek, caring for the poor, befriending society’s less desirables, etc.? I would venture to say it may have been awhile. On the other hand, if you are looking for a faith which focuses on low to no taxes, is anti-immigrant, anti-intellectual (science, schmience!), discriminates against women and homosexuals, and when it comes to judgment, prefers that God remain seated and leave condemnation to the professionals – has Christianity got a religion for you!
Yes, apparently we are so over WWJD. Which leads me to think that perhaps what we need is a new acronym for the 21st century, maybe something more relatable, with a little more oomph to it. I was struggling to come up with something until one day I happened upon a commercial for the Liam Neeson movie, The Grey, in which Mr. Neeson, surrounded by a pack of wild, teeth-baring wolves (with what appear to be electric eyes, I might add), actually says to his fellow future victims, “Stare right back at them.” Really? Stare right back at a pack of snarling wolves? Who knew that’s what you should do? But it appears that Mr. Neeson has an answer for everything, and he’s easy on the eyes too, for those of you staring.
So today I am happy to announce Judson Sunday School’s new youth curriculum entitled, “What Would Liam Neeson Do?” (WWLND?)
Have you ever found yourself chasing Pierce Brosnan, whom you have wounded, but were not sure what to do next? “Let him bleed.” (Seraphim Falls)
Let’s say you are in 17th century Scotland and someone has stolen your lordship’s cattle. What should you do? Well, first, have Eric Stoltz bite into a cow patty to determine how far away you are from the rustlers. (“A day, maybe two.”) Then sneak up and kill the lead rustler. (Rob Roy)
This week’s inaugural “What Would Liam Neeson Do?” lesson will be entitled, “How To Get Your Stuff Back.” It is surprising how many Liam Neeson movies are about people taking his stuff:
Michael Collins – The English took his country.
Unknown – Aiden Quinn took his wife.
Rob Roy – Tim Roth stole his money and ravished his wife, Jessica Lange.
Seraphim Falls – Pierce Brosnan took the lives of his wife (Angie Harmon) and kids, and then burned his house to the ground. (I’m starting to sense a pattern when it comes to Mr. Neeson’s on-screen wives.)
Schindler’s List – Nazis took his workers.
The A-Team – This remake of the TV show took his dignity.
Clash of the Titans – I couldn’t really sit through this one, but I think somebody took somebody else’s Kraken.
And, of course, the movie Taken, in which Eastern European slave traders stole his daughter, and from which our text for this weekend’s lesson is, um, taken (no pun intended):
I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.
You bet Liam Neeson has skills, and they don’t include turning the other cheek! But what exactly are these skills? We’ll find out beginning this Sunday! (This class is open to high school students only, please. Parents may lust after Mr. Neeson on their own time.)
Judson Sunday School and Liam Neeson: Kicking ass and taking names!
All the best,
Grand “Let’s Get Kraken” Poobah
PS: As a special “What Would Liam Neeson Do?” educational bonus, all youth will be encouraged to never ever make out while watching Schindler’s List.