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"x" <- That tagline is FALSE. That tagline is TRUE -> <- That tagline is FALSE. That was a pointing device? My cat thought it was dinner. That was definitely the LAST bug, take my word for it. That was then, this is now. That which can be imagined can also actually be reality. That will teach exactly what to whom? That's a smug aura of respectability you see in a mirror? That's not a bug, it's an undocumented feature. That's right, try hard to be good at the game of life. The answer is easier when the question is hypothetical. The arrogance of age must submit to be taught by youth. The backup isn't over until the FAT table sings. The best armor is to keep out of range. The best audience: Intelligent, well-educated, and drunk. The best blood at times gets into fools and mosquitoes. The best defense against logic is stupidity. The best doctor is the one you hunt for and can't find. The best draftees are married men, they take orders. The best government teaches us to govern ourselves. The best insomnia cure is a good night's sleep. The best laid plans often go a fowl. The best prophet of the future is the past. The best water doesn't come in fancy bottles. The best way out of a difficulty is through it. The best way to save face is to keep the lower part shut. The best way to keep your word is not to give it. The best way to get ahead is to use the one you've got. The bigger the bankroll, the tighter the band around it. The bird of war is not the eagle but the stork. The Boy Scouts is like the army with adult supervision. The boys may be marching, but they know not where. The buck doesn't even slow down here. The buck stops at the next desk. The buck stops here, the doe just visits. The buck stops at the desk over there. The butler did it. The Caldecott Tunnel has less traffic than that vagina. The cautious seldom err. The characters in this message are recyclable. The chief cause of problems is solutions. The child had every toy his father wanted. The choice: Roll over or stand up to the challenge. The Church of St. Humid the Incontinent. The cinema is not a slice of life but a piece of cake. The city is not a concrete jungle. It is a human zoo. The client who pays the least, always complains the most. The consumer is not a moron, it is your spouse. The cost of feathers has risen, now even down is up. The course of true anything never does run smoothly. The covers of some books are too far apart. The Day of Judgement is approaching, or it is not. The deeper the sorrow, the less tongue hath it. The desire to work is confined to classified ads. The destination is unknown at the start of many journeys. The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose. The devil falls on account of his gravity. The discontented man finds no easy chair. The dispensing of injustice is always in the right hands. The dog ate my .REP packet. The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only heavier. The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much heavier The end is what usually justifies the diet. The eventual supremacy of reason should be accepted. The fastest ewes and slowest rams produce the virgin wool The fewer our wants, the more we resemble the gods. The first myth of management is that management exists. The first sigh of love is the last of wisdom. The first step towards philosophy is incredulity. The first wealth is health. The fish in the sea are as good as the fish removed. The flogging will continue until the morale improves. The footprint of the owner is the best manure. The four food groups: coffee, ice cream, beer and pizza. The French take care of themselves - except in wartime. The future is not what it used to be. The future's uncertain and the end is always near. The General Theory of Relativity is too specific. The gods play games with men as balls. The good old days: Beer foamed and dishwater didn't. The graveyards are full of indispensable people. The greater the ignorance the greater the dogmatism. The greatest cunning is to have none at all. The greatest fault is to be conscious of none. The greatest headaches are those we cause ourselves. The happy and the powerful never willingly go into exile. The hard disk you save may be your own. The hardest years are between 10 and 70. The heart is wiser than the intellect. The highest bidder catches the most politicians. The hole and the patch should be commensurate. The hot dog is the homeless eagle of free enterprise. The human race is still in beta test. The incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is. The laborer is worthy of his hire, only if his labor is. The last sound that it made was "Zap." The law disregards trifles, has it spoken to you recently The law disregards trifles, what is this dessert called? The law hath not been dead, though it hath slept. The law neither does nor requires idle acts, wake up. The law of intelligent tinkering: save all the parts. The less a statesman amounts to the more he loves a flag. The less things change, the more they remain the same. The light seen at an end of a tunnel is at the wrong end. The living world is a continuum in each and every aspect. The longer the title, the less important the job. The luck ordained for you will be coveted by others. The mark of a true MBA : often wrong, but seldom in doubt The meek may inherit earth. Those who dare, the stars. The meek shall inherit the earth, but no mineral rights. The mind grows by what it feeds upon. The mistake you make is in trying to figure it out. The moon isn't waxing, it's dusting and vacuuming rugs. The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away The moon seems smaller than earth, but it's farther away. The more known about people, the more to admire in dogs. The more you complain, the longer God makes you live. The more you run over a cat, the flatter is gets. The most dangerous food is wedding cake. The most expensive component always breaks first. The most popular form of birth control: The headache. The most useless computer tasks are the most fun to do The mouse with a single hole is quickly caught by the cat The music's kinda nice. My compliments to the clef. The object of war is to allow them die for their country. The old make the rules, the young make up the exceptions. The older I get, it seems the better I used to be. The one who dies with the most taglines wins. The only argument with the wind is to put on a coat. The only certainty is that nothing is certain. The only chance I get to talk is while my wife inhales. The only difference between her and it is the lipstick. The only heavy breathing I ever hear is after aerobics. The only realities are the atoms and empty space. The only red menace in America is the sunburn. The only road to success is always under construction. The only roses without thorns are love and friendship. The only thing more reliable than magic is one's friends. The only thing worse than a sorcerer is his apprentice. The only time I open my mouth is to change feet. The only victory over love is flight. The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it The only way to judge the future is by knowing the past. The only winner of the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky. The orator, with a flood of words a his drop of reason. The organization and definition of knowledge is critical. The other line always moves faster. The past always looks better than it was when it was here The past is not what it will be. The past should be a mental springboard - not a hammock. The pen is the tongue of the mind. The picture of health requires a happy frame of mind. The plural of spouse is spice. The Poles are now telling free market jokes. The price of greatness is responsibility. The probability of success if not almost 1 is usually 0. The problem is not if machines think, but if people do. The proof is the phylogeny of plant-animal interactions. The proof of a system's value is its existence. The purification of politics is an iridescent dream. The question is: "(2 * B!) OR NOT(2 * B!)" The race from stupidity is to the driven, not the swift. The Ranger isn't going to like it, Yogi. The ratchet wheel of politics is self-destructive greed. The ripest fruit falls first. The road to a friend's house is never difficult nor long. The roots of honesty and virtue lie in a good education. The San Francisco Ku Klux Klan wears topless sheets. The scenery only changes for the lead dog. The sea hath bounds, but deep desire hath none. The sea hath bounds, but true deep desire hath none. The shortest answer is doing. The shortest distance between two puns: a straight line. The show-off is always shown-up in a show-down. The solution to a problem changes the problem. The soul would have no rainbows if the eyes had no tears. The speed of the leader determines the rate of the pack. The stranger, the better. The sun always rises on the most tired people. The sun is never the worse for shining on a dunghill. The sun shines even on the most wicked of people. The test: Behavior in times of controversy and challenge. The thing most generally raised on land is taxes. The time is right to make new friends. The tree of liberty is watered with the blood of tyrants. The trodden path is the safest. The trouble with a kitten is that, eventually it's a cat. The truth doesn't hurt unless it ought to. The truth, if you recognize, will clear out your sinuses. The truth is one thing that nobody will believe. The Tsongas ended, but the malady lingers on. The UARTs won't take this speed, Captain. The universe is a figment of it's own imagination. The universe is laughing behind your back. The Universe was dictated but never signed. The wages of sin go unreported. The warranty: Bold print giveth & fine print taketh away. The way to a man's heart is through his veins The weed of crime bears bitter fruit. The welfare of the people is the chief law. The wife of a careless man is almost a widow. The wildest colts make the best steeds. The wise learn more from fools than fools from the wise. The woman cries before the wedding; the man afterward. The world, as we know it, has come to an end. The world is like a cactus except the pricks are inside. The world is coming to an end --- please log off now. The world is a beautiful book, for those who can read it. The world of today is run by "C" students of yesterday. The world: A comedy for thinkers; a tragedy for feelers. The worst hatred is that of relatives. The worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur The worst thing about censorship is . The worst thing men is that when not drunk they are sober The written word preserves the wonders of the human mind. The wrong way always seems the more reasonable. The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions. Theater: Holding a mirror up to a keyhole. There ain't no such thing as a free lunch. There are good five-cent cigars, but they cost two bits. There are many ways to show affection. There are more dead than living and they are increasing. There are more old drunkards than old doctors. There are no limits for journeys of the mind. There are no answers at best a few possibly good guesses. There are some defeats more triumphant than victories. There are three things that come next, uh four. There are two sides to a question, politicians take both. There are two reasons for doing: one good, the other real There go my people. I must follow for I am their leader. There is a certain light within a man of light. There is a skeleton in every old house and old horse. There is absolutely no right way to do a wrong thing. There is always a law against doing anything interesting. There is always someone worse off than yourself. There is always a mistake just waiting for you to make. There is more at stake here than our lives. There is never truth without sufficient proof. There is no gravity, the earth sucks. There is no such thing as bravery; only degrees of fear. There is no defense except stupidity against a new idea. There is no joy in Mudville, mighty Casey has struck out. There is no remedy for sex but more sex. There is nothing to scratch but the surface. There is nothing more impartial than a hanging judge. There is only one sure way to throw dice: away. There isn't a door which can stop a lover or a cat. There was this veil through which I could not see. There was this door to which I found no key. There were computers in Biblical times. Eve had an Apple. There will be big changes for you but you will be happy. There's a brain in my tumor. There's a time to fight, and a time to hide out. There's a whole generation of people out there my age. There's a Yankee in my closet - will trade for skeleton. There's always one more bug. There's always one more SOB than you counted on. There's an answer to every problem. Sometimes it's "No." There's at least one fool in every married couple. There's bound to be a gargoyle here somewhere. There's never a cop around when you need one. There's no accounting for taste. There's no future in time travel. There's no place like home. There's no second chance for a good first impression. There's no skeletons in my closet. There's no such thing as gravity. The whole world sucks. There's nothing wrong with DOS that Unix wouldn't fix. There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me There's something inside your head... These are the times that really try men's soles. These are the George Bush times that try men's soles. These aren't dances. Their fertility rites with lyrics. These days there's no arrest for the wicked. They also serve who only stand and wait. They are slaves who fear to speak for the fallen & weak. They do not love that do not show their love. They know enough who know how to learn. They never let you live it down. One little mistake. They that sow the wind, will reap the whirlwind. They who dig pits shall end falling into them. They who drink beer will think beer. They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid. Things are getting so bad, muggers won't go out alone. Things are more like they used to be than they are now. Things are not always as they seem. Things could only be worse in Cleveland. Things happen fast, history books add a chapter a week. Things will get worse before they get better, if they do. Think and you won't sink. Think carefully before wishing, it might just come true. Think hard now. Which one is Shinola? Think much, speak little, and write less. Think you got it bad. My other PC is an Osborne. Thinking ill of someone can be a two-way street. This ain't as good as sex---but it's safer these days. This bug's for you. This button doesn't do anything. Please press it again. This contest has to be the dumbest thing I've ever seen. This country needs more unemployed politicians. This discussion is hanging by a thread. This door is baroque; please call Bach later. This fellow's wise enough to play the fool. This file will self-destruct in five minutes. This fortune intentionally not included. This is a test of the emergency tagline stealing system. This is a good day to let down old friends who need help. This is a chain tagline. I have now been stolen 8 times. This is a test. Please ignore -- oops, too late ;'). This is a *dangerous* place. This is an ATM: Press F1 for $20 F2 for $50 and wait. This is another fine myth you've gotten me into. This is the voice of world control. I have brought peace This machine is an instrument of terror. This mouse is loaded, who's the designated driver? This open hand of desire wants everything. This rerun due to Tagline Writer's strike. This screen is microwave, dishwasher and fly safe. This sentense contains three errurs This software will eliminate all misakes. This tagline exploits the illiterate. This tagline is umop apisdn. This tagline is only for the living. This tagline is baroque; please call Bach. This tagline is SHAREWARE! To register, send $20. This tagline is shareware, register it for $10.00. This tagline no verb. This tagline stolen by me, or was it you? THIS TAGLINE NOT TO BE REMOVED UNDER PENALTY OF LAW. Thomas Edison invented the "Light Emitting Resistor". Those on the cutting edge bleed a lot. Those who can, do. Those who can't, simulate. Those who can't write, write manuals. Those who do not think do not deserve to have a brain. Those who fought for it know the true taste of freedom. Those whom the gods love grow young. Those without heads do not need hats. Thought I wouldn't notice you sneaking off, eh? Thousands of journeys have a start but no end. Thrift is a wonderful virtue - in an ancestor. Throw the keyboard out the window to continue. Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills. Time flies like wind. Fruit flies like pears. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana. Time flies when you don't know what you're doing. Time for my morning SysEx dump. Time goes? No. Alas time stays, we go. Time heals all wounds, but the belly button remains. Time is precious, but truth is more so. Time is so everything doesn't happen at once. Time is the dressmaker specializing in alterations. Time on your hands? . . . get Windows. Time really flies when you don't know what you're doing. Time slows if you're on the outside of the bathroom door. Time takes time. Time: an illusion perpetrated by the makers of space. Tip the world and everything loose lands in Los Angeles. Tips: Wages we pay other people's hired help. To a cat, "NO!" means "Not while I'm looking." To a dog his owner is Napoleon; hence their popularity. To avoid seeing a fool, break your mirror. To be a Californian means to have faults others don't. To be a human without passion is to be dead. To be or not to be... What a stupid question. To be, or what? To be too clever is to be stupid. To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. To climb a ladder, you begin with the bottom rung. To cure insomnia, get lots of sleep. To do nothing is in every person's power. To do two things at once is to do neither To eat is human. To digest divine. To err is human. To purr feline. To err is human and stupid. To err is human, to forgive is against company policy. To err is human. And stupid. To excel at what you do, you must love doing it. To excel when you try, always reach for the brass ring. To get ahead and stay ahead, use your head. To get back on your feet, miss two car payments. To give happiness is to deserve happiness. To iterate is human; to recurse, divine. To keep your milk sweet, leave it in the cow. To know a culture you must dirty your feet in its soil. To know the road ahead, ask those coming back. To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools. To live in the hearts we leave behind, is not to die. To live long, it is necessary to live slowly. To live now, first come to terms with your past. To live well, know the difference between good and evil. To love her was a liberal education. To make pleasures pleasant, shorten them. To not discern the important, makes you unimportant. To publish is to appear in public with your pants down. To really know a relative, divide an inheritance with him To reform a man, begin with his grandmother. To refuse praise is to seek praise twice. To return home, you must walk backwards in time & space. To risk nothing is to risk everything. To some, sex is second best to power. To speed is human; to get caught, de fine. To steal this tagline press now. To the British, George Washington was a terrorist. To the Caliph I am dirt, but to dirt, I am Caliph. To the old cat, the tender mouse. To those who can see, a picture is a wordless poem. To tolerate everything is to teach nothing. To understand other's miseries, look at their pleasures. To wake a tiger, use a long stick. To whom should I go to for some self-help? Today has been a long year. Today I have grown taller from walking with the trees. Today is a "Honey do day" Honey do this, honey do that.. Today is a day for firm decisions ..... Or is it? Today is not your lucky day. You won't have one this year Today is the first day after yesterday. Today is the scene of the accident. Today is the day to bribe a high-ranking public official. Today is the first day of the rest of your mess. Today on the menu we feature: pi of the day. Today, take an astronaut to launch. Today's "politically correct" = yesterday's McCarthyism. Today's special: Misspelt words at no extra charge. Toil is most pleasant when done. Tonight, no hostages for you and no prisoners for me. Tonight's forecast: dark, followed by light. Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree. Too many pages make a tome. Too many pieces of music end too long after the end. Too many pray for peace with their fists clenched. Too many wild asses are not yet extinct. Too much of a good thing is wonderful. Too often justice is incidental to law and order. Too stupid to know what I'm involved in. Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more. Tourists: The only foreigners the French ever drove out. TOWER: "Say position." PILOT: "Position." Trackman(men) have bigger balls. Tradition is always the last refuge for the incompetent. Tradition is no excuse for insensitivity or racism. Transistors blow before a protecting fast acting fuse. Travel important today; IRS men arrive tomorrow. Treat earth as you should have your Mother. It is. Treaties like roses and girls - they last while they last Trees moving back and forth are what make the wind blow. Tried to play my shoehorn... all I got was footnotes! True dignity: Remaining aloof during a prostate exam. True life begins when the kids leave home and he dog dies True terror: A female Klingon with PMS. Truncated: What happened to the peanut at the zoo Trust God, but always tie and watch your camel all night. Trust me, would I lie to you..... again? Trust only those who would lose as you if things go wrong Trust your neighbors, but brand your cattle. Truth is shorter than fiction. Try cooling coffee by holding it closer to your heart. Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy. Try to get rid of junk mail, but income tax forms arrive. Tumor: A request for an extra pair. Turn your 486/50 into an XT - Run Windows 3.0. TV advertising is the rattling inside a swill bucket. TV is a medium; anything well done is rare. Tweedledum and Tweedledee agreed to have a battle. Twenty-four hour banking: I just don't have time for it. Twinkies have a half-life, but Velveeta is eternal. Two is company, three is an orgy. Two of perfect virtue: one dead, the other yet unborn. Two writes don't make a novel. Two wrongs do not make a right, it takes three or more. Typos? Blame my cat. UART?.. Me Science? UFO's are for real: the Air Force doesn't exist. Uh, forget the rope Luke... I thank he's already dead. Unable to find coffee, operator halted. Undetectable errors are always infinite in variety. UNIX are lousy lovers. UNIX, the MF of all DOS's. Unless to thought is added will, Apollo is an imbecile. Unrecoverable Application Error - Detonation follows. Until Eve arrived, this was a man's world. Urine: Baseball term: Opposite of "Your out." USA - at times is seems to be a subsidiary of Japan, Inc. USAir = (U)nderwater (S)eating (A)vailable (I)n (R)ear. Use it up. Wear it out. Make it do. Or do without. Use Saddam Condoms, for those who always pull out late. Use your wit to amuse, not abuse nor confuse the stupid. Used Car: Not what it is jacked up to be. User Error: Replace user, hit any key to continue. User Friendly, if you don't use it - its friendly. User Friendly: Never having to say "I read the manual." Users: Keep them dry and don't feed them after midnight. Users: To keep them dry don't water them after dinner. Usually insane; in lucid moments merely stupid. Valuable things are not cheap. Varicose veins: Veins that are very close together. Velcro, super glue, duct tape, post-its, and OS/2. Veni, Vidi, Visa - I came, I saw, I shopped. Veni, Vidi, VISA. Very few jobs actually require a penis or vagina. Virtual reality is a contradiction. Virtual: not knowing where your next byte is coming from. Virtue is easy for an ugly woman. VirusScan - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/y)" Vodka + milk of magnesia: Philips screwdriver Void where prohibited. Vote --> "Deport all of the above" in `92. Vote anarchist. Vote for abolishment of public display of butt-cracks. Vulgarity: The conduct of others. W)here Y)our S)tupid I)nterface W)eathers Y)our G)enius. Wait. That's the FORBIDDEN dance. Waiter, I'll have what the guy writhing on the floor had. Waiting to overcome all objections, results in nothing. Walk through doors, don't crawl through Windows. Wanna Be a Psychopath? Read Dianetics, or ZMODEM.DOC. Want to see a quieter way of life? Visit Forest Lawn. War on Puberty: New program to eliminate teenage crime. Ware-o-ware has my OS/2 gone? Warning, do not download SAFESEX.ZIP it is a trojan. Warning - This message may be harmful to your ego. WARNING... drinking tap water may kill your thirst. Warning: All prosecutors will be violated. Warning! Incomprehensible action is about to occur. Warning! Incomprehensible source follows. Was General George Custer an aficionado of arrow shirts? Was Jimi Hendrix's Modem A Purple Hayes? Waste is a terrible thing to mind. Wasting time is an important part of living. Watch it Buster - You're trying my infinite patience. Watch out..the paranoids are after you. Water, in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. Water in the West runs uphill toward money. Water taken in moderation, cannot do very much harm. We all live in a yellow subroutine. We are all travelers, from our birth until our death. We are all related...relatively speaking. We are as made by God, and often a great deal worse. We are going to have peace even at the price of war. We are immortal, but only for a very limited time. We are in bondage to the law so that we may be free. We are sorry, the number you reached is not in service. We are the most intelligent planet on earth" - Dan Quayle We are the people our parents warned us about. We are what we pretend to be. We ask advice but we mean approbation. We don't care, we don't have to, we're the phone We have met the enemy, and he's all yours. We have resumed control...we have resumed control... We have standards and expect you not to exceed them. We have two ears and one tongue, use them likewise. We hired you to baby sit. You cooked and ate them both? We make our own fortunes and call them our fate. We may be lost, but we're sure making good time. We most firmly believe what we least know. We must believe in free will. We have no choice. We must laugh at man, to avoid crying for him. We need more unemployed politicians. We NEVER grow up, we just get older, and older. We now return to our regularly scheduled flame-throwing. We read to say that we have read. We tend to forget that our birthplace was never an Eden. We walk on like an elephant and back off like a giraffe. We will find no ancestor before his time. We're all different, but then again we're all the same. We're all in this alone. We're beating the bushes in search of a president. We're born free and taxed to death. We're looking for a few good men. We're lost, but we're making good time. We're off to see the wizard, he's sure to have an answer. We've replaced the Dilithium with new Folger's Crystals. Wear old clothes when you fight for truth and liberty. Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Wedding: A funeral where you smell your own flowers. Welcome to California. Now please go home. Well begun is half done. Wernher von Braun settled for a V-2 instead of a V-8. Whales are a lot like humans. Only they mate for life. What a day may bring, a day may take away. What a wonderful world it is that has girls in it. What can you compare the universe with? What CAN you get a nudist for Christmas? What comes around goes around. What do you mean that I need a license to do that? What do you mean that my urine sample is too small? What doesn't destroy me makes me stronger. What fools these morals be! What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art. What good does it do an ass to be called a lion? What grammar is to speech, logic is to reason. What hallucinations? What if there were no hypothetical situations? What if they gave a war and only one side came? What if we put bandaid on the Panama Canal and it healed? What is a lie but the truth in drag? What is learned in youth is understood in age. What is the world to a man when his wife is a widow? What is this thing anyway? The Discordian Society? What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself. What kind of cars do Proctologists drive? Ford Probes. What light speed? I can even surpass dark speed. What, me ambivalent? Well, yes and no. What orators lack in depth, they give in length. What results from using spot remover on your dog Spot? What Saddam Hussein's mom said: Abort, Retry, Fail? What should you give a nudist for Christmas? What soberness conceals, drunkenness reveals. What the !@#$ were you expecting for me to put here? What the heck just happened here? What the hell, go and put all your eggs in one basket. What the text giveth, the footnote taketh away. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel. What time is it at the North Pole? What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn? What we have here is a failure to communicate. What we need are 0-wait-state shopping lines.... What would *YOU* do for a Klondike Bar? What you want, must, and need to do are seldom congruent. What youth deemed crystal, age finds was dew. What's all this fuss about endangered feces? What's in a name, anyway? Everything and nothing. What's the matter Colonel Sanders.......CHICKEN? What's the point-spread on World War III? What's the world coming to when your monitor stares back. What's up doc? Whatever advice you give, be brief. Whatever is well conceived can be well expressed. Whatever it is, whenever it occurs, I'm against it. Whatever you delete today, you desperately need tomorrow. Whatever you have, spend less. Whatsa matter Colonel Sanders.......CHICKEN? When a cow laughs, does milk come out its nose? When a subject becomes obsolete, it becomes required. When agnostics die, do they go to the Great Perhaps? When all else fails, read the instructions. When all else fails, consult Jack Daniels. When all else is lost, the future still remains. When all else fails, I STILL refuse to read the docs. When all else fails, dig out the dusty user's manual. When all else is lost, the future still remains. When all think alike, then no one is thinking. When angry, count four; when very angry, swear. When choosing between two evils, select the newer one. When CPR fails, does the doctor order "Barium?" When dangling, watch your participles. When down in the mouth, think of Jonah, he came out OK. When everyone thinks alike, then everyone is stupid. When everything comes your way, you're in the wrong lane. When facts meet the legend, go with the legend. When God made man, She was joking. When I want your opinion, I'll read your entrails. When in charge, ponder. When in Chicago you must vote early and vote often. When in doubt stop thinking and all doubt will go away. When in doubt, mumble.. When in doubt, make it sound convincing. When in doubt, make a backup. When in doubt, use brute force. When in doubt; Cheat. When in trouble, delegate. When is the last time the Haggis Fairy visited you? When Marriage is Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Inlaws. When no wind blows, even the weather vane has character. When puns are outlawed only outlaws will have puns When seeking love give nothing. Finding love give all. When someone turns things around, don't get run over. When the bad combine, the good must associate. When the eagles are silent the parrots begin to jabber. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping. When the going gets tough, the smart get lost. When things go wrong, don't go with them. When things go wrong, just don't go with them. When uncertain, or in doubt, run in circles and scream. When we are not sure, we are alive. When we can't dream the time for death has arrived. When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut. When you castrate a "Q", do you get an "O?" When you deal with the insane, always pretend you're sane When you do nothing, can you know when you're finished? When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly. When you find anything that works, it usually fails. When you get there, there's no there there. When you go to the market, use your eyes, not your ears. When you gotta go, you gotta go! When you see a snake, never mind where he came from. When you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer? When you try too hard to save face, you lose your ass. When you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed. Whenever possible, put people on hold. Where are those flashbacks they promised me? Where are we going? Why am I in this handbasket? Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket? Where can I fnid a spell chequer for taglines? Where can I find a synonym, for "thesaurus?" Where citizens count, subjects are slaves. Where did we all come from in the first place? Where do 'cannot' and 'must' meet on this graph? Where do honey bees go potty? At a BP station naturally. Where do these stairs go? --- "They go up." Where do you go to catch anorexia? Where do you find the time to not read so many books? Where is everything? All I typed was "Format c:". Where is the STUN setting on a Laser Printer? Where law ends, there tyranny begins. Where men are outlawed, only outlaws are men. Where no feline has gone before... Where no man has.. where no ONE has.. to hell with it. Where there is no shame, there is no honor. Where there is a will, I want to be in it. Where there is a stink feces there is the odor of being. Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax. Where you've been means much less than where you're going Where's there's smoke, there's toast. Wherever you came from, you're not there now. While eating an elephant advance one bite at a time. Whip me, beat me, crush me, is this wrestling or what? White belt + white shoes = a "full Cleveland." Who has the bread makes the laws. Who is the Grateful Dead, and why do they follow me? Who needs comedians? Journalists are much more laughable Who says you can't have it all? Who to himself is law, no law doth need. Who would understand youth must know old age. Who's the designated driver? This mouse is loaded. Who's the Round Table's roundest knight? Sir Cumference. Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein. Why are there so many gnarly limbs on my family tree? Why are there so many fools on the road? Why attack God? He may be as sad about us as we are. Why call them "apartments" if they're all together? Why can't women remember to put the seat back up? Why can't you be a non-conformist like everyone else? Why did CNN cancel that cool "Desert Storm" show? Why did I ever start this, anyway? Why do I always shrug my shoulders? I have no idea. Why do kamakazi pilots where helmets? Why do Kennedy's cry after sex? ..... Mace! Why do they call them briefings when they take so long? Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one? Why do we park in the driveway and drive on the parkway? Why do we seem to operate best at a 90^ angle to reality? Why do we get so old before we learn how to be young? Why does sour cream have an expiration date? Why don't cats like to swim? Why don't many fish fly? Why don't many cats swim? Why don't many fish fly? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is bread so dear and flesh and blood so cheap? Why is it that there are never enough days in a weekend? Why is it that if you leave the room, you're elected? Why is nothing is quite so unexpected as the truth? Why is the alphabet in that order, because of the song? Why is there a permanent press setting on an iron? Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? Why should I have to pay a troll just to cross a bridge? Why solve problems you can bypass with a GOTO? Why use a big, long word when a diminutive one will do? Why waste time learning, ignorance comes with the turf? Why would a wood chuck want to chuck wood anyway? Wie geht's dir heute? Wild asses are not yet extinct. Will people in the CIS be known as sissies? Will Rogers never met Saddam Hussein. Will your great-grandchildren know you existed and how? Window-screen: An arrangement for keeping flies in. Windows 3.0 - From the people who brought you EDLIN. Windows 3.0 - The best $89 solitaire game you can buy. Windows Error: 004 -- Operator fell asleep while waiting. Windows, icons, mouse and pointer = WIMP. Windows is a disease - but is OS/2 v2.0 the cure? Windows is a real pane ;{ Windows, Just Say No. Windows would be better with curtains. Windows: An answer to a question nobody has ever asked. Windows? !Por Favor, No Rompa Mis Cojones! Gracias! Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing. Winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is. Winter in Arizona falls on a Tuesday this year. Wisdom of many and the wit of a half. Wise men in love act the fool. Wise men learn much from fools. Wise guys don't. Wit is the spice of conversation, not the food. Witches who misbehave are sent to their broom. With clothes the new are best, with friends the old. With consequences, the unexpected always predominate. With foxes we must play the fox. With fronds like you, who needs anemones? With our judgements as our watches, none go just alike. With people, reach should exceed grasp. Try for heaven. With sin, a human falls into it, a saint grieves at it. With some foreign food the less authentic, the better. With some it isn't the thought, it's the gift behind it. With two ways to spell a word, the wrong one will be used Without creation there could be no destruction. Without death, life has no meaning. Without fingers you cannot even thumb your nose. Without fools there would be no wisdom. Without love and trust all you can be in life is alone. Without my ignorance, your knowledge would be meaningless Without time everything would happen at once. Witty tag line placed here. --> Women and elephants never forget real or supposed injury. Women do come with instructions, ask them! Women go on diets. Men just eat less... and grow fat. Women take to good hearted men. Also from. Women's clothes: Go to extremes, seldom to extremities. Words and ideas are what change our world. Words are not food, though sometimes we must eat them. Words are the voice of the heart. Words DO NOT have meanings, people do. Words must be weighed, not counted. Words, words, words. And no place to put them all. Work is for those who have nothing better to do. World peace will only come when patriotism is forgotten. World to end at 5:00pm. See it on the 11:00pm news. World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. Worry is the interest paid on trouble in advance. Worth seeing? Yes, but not worth going to see. would have suffered a lot more if I'd been understood. Would she be happy with a Pet Rock instead? wwhhaatt ddooeess ffuull dduupplleexx mmeeaann?? X minus 6 weeks and counting. Xerox never comes up with anything original anymore. Xpress yourself. Yawn: The only time some men get to open their mouths. Yea, yea..once a hobby, now an expensive addiction. Yeah, but what's the speed of DARK? Yeah...and some day the sun will die out. Year: A period of 365 failures and disappointments. Yes Dear, just a few more minutes.... Yes-men: Fellows who hang around the man nobody noes. Yes my son, long ago mail was read 1 packet at a time. Yesterday I saw a man with a wooden leg, and a real foot. Yield to temptation; It may not pass your way again. you can pretend to be serious, but not witty. You always find it in the last place you look. You always swat where he's not, or if he is aha! a spot. You are always entitled to your own stupid opinion. You are an example of why some animals eat their young. You are magnetic in your bearing. You are only young once, but it is easy to stay immature. You aren't born happy, you must make it for yourself. You aren't here forever, enjoy each day as a miracle. You can always easily find anything you don't want. You can always make room for one more. Except a new baby. You can choose your friends, but you only have one mother You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories. You can fool all people, except but you can't fool Mom. You can judge a man by how he keeps his golf score. You can judge the success of a man by his bodyguards. You can multi-task on C-64s... keep a multitude of them. You can never stand still nor go backwards in time. You can observe a lot by watching. You can only be truly free if everyone else is truly free You can teach an old dog new tricks, under protest. You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish. You can write until sated, but no one must read it. You can't do that. It's been digitally cursed. You can't eat your friends and have them too. You can't fall off the floor. You can't fool me, that's DIRTY DANCING, I see. You can't get there from here. You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair. You can't judge Egypt by Aida. You can't jump a canyon in two leaps. You can't step twice into the same river. You can't win. You can't break even. You can't even quit. You cannot be too careful in the choice of your enemies. You cannot kill time without injuring eternity. You disagree? May I plea guilty by reason of sanity? You don't have to think too hard when talking to teachers You got to stop screwing around, daddy. You got to start somewhere if you're going end elsewhere. You have been selected for a secret mission. You have to be an antique to appreciate them. You Klingon son, you killed my bastard! Got that wrong. You know you're really old when stop buying green bananas You learn as much by writing as you do by reading. You live and you learn - or you don't live long. You make it we take it. You may be a loser for a long time before you realize it. You may be recognized soon. Perhaps you should hide? You may be Southern -- but you're no Comfort. You may use this tagline 30 days before registering. You might say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not asleep. You might want to get a band-aid for that. You must know your limits to break through them. You must know much before you know how little you know. You must realize: Sweatwork is the only road to fitness. You never have to explain things you never said. You never know unless you ask, answer not guaranteed. You obviously mistook me for someone who knows. You realize how short a month when you pay alimony. You spotted snakes with double tongue... be not seen. You tell 'em Hard-Boiled Egg, you're hard to beat. You tell 'em Bank, you're safe. You tell 'em Hunter, I'm game. You tell 'em Mountain, I'm only a bluff. You tell 'em Calendar, you've got lots of dates. You tell 'em June, And don't July. You tell 'em Piano, you're upright and square. You tell 'em Cemetery, you are so grave. You tell 'em Dentist, you've got the pull. You tell 'em Simon, I'll Legree. You tell 'em Moon, you're out all night. You tell 'em Cashier, I'm a poor teller. You tell 'em Bean, He's stringing you. You tell 'em Gambler, you've got winning ways. You tell 'em Doctor, you've got the patience. You tell 'em Operator, you've got their number. You tell 'em Playing Cards, you know the joker. You tell 'em Church Bell, I told you. You tell 'em Hunter, I'm a duck. You tell 'em Clock, you've got the time. You tell 'em Brake, you've got the drag. You tell 'em Custard Pie, you've got the crust. You tell 'em Electricity, you can shock 'em. You tell 'em Railroad, It's not along my line. You tell 'em Chloroform, you can put them to sleep. You tell 'em Bald Head, you're smooth. You tell 'em Submarine, I can't seaplane. You tell 'em Teacher, you've got the class. You tell 'em Cigarette, you're lit up. You tell 'em Goldfish, you've been around the globe. You tell 'em Skyscraper, you have more than one story. You tell 'em Horse, you carry a tale. You tell 'em Manicurist, I've been trimmed. You tell 'em September Morn, no one has anything on you. You tell 'em Cucumber, I've been pickled. You tell 'em Shoemaker, you know awl. You tell 'em Dough, you're well bred. You tell 'em Cat, That's what you're fur. You tell 'em Dictionary, you're full of information. You tell 'em Cabbage, you've got the head. You tell 'em Butcher, you've got a lot of tongue. You tell 'em Envelope, you're well posted. You tell 'em Printer, I'm not your type. You tell 'em Banana, you've been skinned. You think you have troubles? Even my sundial is slow. You will be a winner today. Fight with a four-year-old. You win some and you lose some. But think qualitatively. You'll always overlook one of those pins in a new shirt. You'll never find it, in all that loose clothing. You'll never know until you ask the right source. You're being followed, cut out hanky-panky for a few days You're really hard up if you steal *this* tagline. You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture. Young gorillas are friendly, but they soon learn. Youngsters remember anything if it happened or not. Your best response: Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum. Your call will be answered in the order it was ignored. Your code is theoretically beautiful, but it won't work. Your future, with the Maker or the Baker is up to you. Your karma just ran over my dogma. Your lucky color is fading. Your mileage may vary. Your sin, was it of omission, commission, or emission? Your solution stinks. The problem is very interesting. Your sweet words suck a morning dew off the honeysuckle. Your trouble is that your absence makes good company. Your Yin and Yang are no longer on speaking terms. Youth + confidence + myopia = naivete. Youth, a habit of hers so long she couldn't part with it. Youth isn't a time of life, but a state of mind. Youthful figure: What you get when asking a woman's age. Zippy the pinhead is a twit. ZMODEM has bigger bits, softer blocks, and tighter ASCII. [... text deleted for brevity ...] �۲����� IN STEREO WHERE AVAILABLE �������� *************************** e n d *********************** 123456789012345678901234567890123456789012345678901234567 <-- Above indicates the length limit (57 characters) --->
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