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There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works. The personal computer market is about the same size as the total potato chip market

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to continue. KEYBOARD - Hardware used to enter errors into a computer. Kibitzer: A person with an interferiority complex. Kids? Who said anything about kids? Kin: An affliction of the blood. Kindergarten Rules: Be kind. Be safe. Be protective. Kiss my ASCII. Kleenex Von Trapp: The Sound of Mucous. Kleptomaniac: A rich thief. Know when to fight and when to run. Knowledge rests not on truth alone, but upon error also. Lack of planning does not constitute an emergency. Lady with chastity belt is not having a ball. LAMA=priest. LLAMA=beast. LLLAMA=conflagration. Language is a human virus from outer space. Lasciate ogni speranza voi ch'entrate. Last week I even forgot how to ride a bicycle. Latest conspiracy theory: Humpty Dumpty was pushed. Laughter is the best lubricant for life's engine. Laundry: A place where clothes are mangled. Law of Supply: It's yours if you don't need nor want it. Law of Window Cleaning: It's always on the other side. Laws are like sausages, it is better to not see them made Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. Lawyers: the larval form of politicians. Le mieux est l'ennemi du bien. Lead me not to temptation, I enjoy finding it myself. Leakproof seals, will. Quiet toilets, aren't. Lean books are often larded with fat of others' works. Learning makes people fit company for themselves. Learning without thought is labor lost. Left lane must turn right. Legal marijuana needs true glaucoma patients. Leisure is the mother of philosophy. Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you. Length of an average blink: 0.1 second. Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage. Let art alone. She's got enough guys sleeping with her. Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it. Let he who takes a Monday plunge return it by Tuesday. Let length(walk) > length(pier) Let me know if this message doesn't get through to you. Let me out of here fast. TRON is catching up. Let no good deed go unpunished. Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Let the rain fall, and fall, and fall. Let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash. Let's all vote for the all night party. Let's have a little fun, let's do a pun. Let's see your tagline hunting permit, sir. Let's win this one and go home. Lets keep genealogy vital. Life can be profitable, if you know the odds. Life has a lot of undocumented features. Life has a great deal up its sleeve. Life is a bowl of cherries, there's always a few pits. Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string. Life is a kind of trick. Life is a tragedy for feelers and a comedy for thinkers. Life is a cabaret, old Chum. Life is a series of rude awakenings. Life is an onion and each one peels it crying. Life is full of little surprises. - Pandora. Life is hard - and even harder when you're not stupid. Life is just a bowl of chili, but no beans for you. Life is like Jazz, it should be improvised. Life is analogy. Life is lived forwards, but understood backwards. Life is much easier if you look at the source code. Life is not a spectacle or a feast, it is a predicament. Life is one long process of getting tired. Life is something that happens when you can't sleep. Life is still in Beta test. Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure. Life is too short to stuff a mushroom. Life is too important to ever take seriously. Life is unsure, always eat your dessert first. Life is a kumquat. Life might be easier if we had the source code. Life would be so very easy if we only had the source code Life: Too many questions, too few answers. Life: You peel layer after layer, you find nothing in it. Life! Can't live with it, can't live without it. Life's a beach and still you always marry one. Life's a bitch, time's a bastard, and death finishes it. Life's too short for chess. Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone. Line noise provided by your local telephone company. Line noise? What fh=.hElL is.LinS nfise? Listen to the rhythm of crashing hard drives. Little boats should keep near the shore. Little pitchers have wide ears. Live better, electrically. Live so that the family parrot can live afterwards. Live: Know the past, help the present, touch the future. Living in the fast lane gets you to the other end rapidly Living on earth is better than loafing around Hades. Living: The best demonstration of victory over mortality. Lock and Load. These fingers have just begun to type. Logic is a little tweeting bird chirping in the lea.. Logic is a wreath of pretty flowers with a very bad odor. Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence. Logic is in the eye of the logician. Logic is logic. That's all I say. Long live The Great Electronic Underground. Look after molehills mountains will look after themselves Look at all the Indians. Look into his eyes, and see if someone else is driving. Look into yourself to discover your first priority. Look Ma, No Taglines! Look out for barking dogs that bite. Look out. Behind you. Look. A flying porpoise. Lookout World! The modem is ringing. Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue. Lose that ugly FAT! Download a trojan today. Losing weight: the triumph of mind over platter. Losing your drivers' license is God saying "Walk!" Lost gold may be found, time lost is gone forever. Lost interest? It`s so bad I`ve lost apathy. LOTTERY: Just a tax on people who are bad at math. Lotus executives do not wear Look & Feel T shirts. Love -- a grave mental disease. Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. Love conquers all things except poverty and toothaches. Love is being stupid together. Love is blind, to everything except fat. Love is in the offing. Be affectionate to who adores you. Love is like a baseball game, three strikes you're out. Love is like a baseball game, four balls and you walk. Love is of chemistry, sex is of physics. Love is sentimental measles. Love the sea? I dote upon it - from the beach. Love thy neighbor ... just never get caught. Love truth but pardon error. Love your enemies -- it makes them so damned mad. Luck is a matter of preparation meeting opportunity. Lunatic asylum: where optimism most flourishes. Lurkers of the world unite! Luxury: Costs $7.69 to make and $20.00 to market. Mac screen message: "Like, dude, something went wrong." Machine-independent program: Will not run on any machine. MacIntosh:Computer with training wheels you can't remove. Mad: Affected with a lot of intellectual independence. Madam, an error, we did a hysterectomy on your husband Madness takes a toll make sure you have the exact change. Madre que consiente engorda una serpiente. Maintainer's Motto: If we can't fix it, it ain't broke. Make a wish, it might come true. Make new friends but keep the old. Like silver and gold. Make someone happy tomorrow, Mind your own business today Make two grins grow where there was only a grouch before. Malice is merely stupidity raised to a higher power. Man and wife make one fool. Man, born of woman is of few days; full of trouble. Man is a piece of the universe made alive. Man is a fool, always wanting what is not. Man is the missing link between apes and human beings. Man is the bad child of the universe. Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely. Man: There is nothing more miserable and more arrogant. Man's inhumanity to man makes countless thousands mourn. Man`s horizons are bounded by his vision. Maniac: He who leaves Maine. Mainer: he who stays. Manuals come out, after all possible keystrokes fail. Many a family tree needs trimming. Many are absent from reality physically and/or mentally. Many foxes grow gray, but few grow good. Many kiss the hand that they wish they could bite off. Many possess the wisdom of many and only the wit of one. Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it. Many things are more than just the sum of their parts. Many tombstones should read: "Died at 30. Buried at 60." Many would be cowards if they had courage enough to be so Marijuana, nature's way of saying "Hi!" Marketing is simply sales with a college education. Marriage, a romance but the hero dies in the 1st chapter. Marriage, is a lifelong venture, approached with caution. Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. Marriage makes a life of deception a necessity. Marriages are based on believing you won the arguments. Married politicians do it to wife and country. Married.. Who me ? ... I can't mate in captivity. Mars needs women, apply at NASA. Mary had a little lamb. The doctor was very surprised. Mary had a little lamb, a little beef, a little ham. Mary had potatoes, wine, salad, and a little lamb. Master debaters often argue with themselves. Math illiteracy affects eight of every five people. Matrimony is the root of all evil. Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence. May a thousand angry hornets take refuge in your pants. May the force be with you. May we kiss those we please, and please those we kiss. May you live all the days of your life. May your best yesterday be better than your worst today. Maybe you're correct being nervous now. Maytag is my middle name: I'm an agitator. Meaning of life: . Meaningless tagline attached to pointless message. Medical Def'n #9:OUTPATIENT; A person who has fainted. Medical staff: A physician's cane. Meester, do you vant to buy a duck? Meetings are indispensable for doing nothing. Megahertz--when something is really painful. Memoirs are the backstairs of history. Memories keep the wolf of insignificance from the door. Memory is the second thing to go during the human story.. Memory is the second thing to go. I can't remember the Memory Manager: Something I need more than my computer. Memory overload error noted ... Meltdown now evident. Memory seems to go first, or second, or ... Men are creatures with two legs and eight hands. Men are more sentimental than women. It blurs their minds Men avoid attributing cleverness to others unless enemies Men die and worms eat them - but not for love. Men, in general, are but overgrown children. Men know life too early, women too late. Mental floss might prevent moral decay. Mental Floss: In one ear and out the other. Menu: A list of meals the restaurant has just run out of Menu: List of dishes which the restaurant has run out of. Message brought to you by sufficient coffee indigestion. Message sent. Destroy immediately upon receipt. Metaphors be with you. Metric Lit: The Courtship of Kilometers Standish. Midas was into golden showers. Middle age: When your age starts to show at your middle. Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. MilliHelen: Beauty required to launch one ship. Minds, like parachutes, work only when open. Minds, like parachutes, work only when open. Minnie and Mickey Mouse are slow maze learners. Minor operation. What workers do in a coal mine. Miracle Software, Inc. Motto: If it works, it's a Miracle Mischief all comes from too much opening of the mouth. Misery brings strange bedfellows. Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate. Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses. Misfortunes always enter any door left open for them. Misinformation is the cruelest computer virus of all. Misspelled? No way! I use an error-correcting modem. Mistakes are often the stepping stones to total failure. Mistakes at least show someone did something at sometime. Misteaching: Telling one's grandmother how to suck eggs. Mister! Here's your mule. Mistrust first impulses, they are always good. Modem sex begins with a handshake. MODEM - Monumentally Overpriced Data Eating Machine. Modem: Deterrent to receiving wanted and unwanted calls. Modems.....reach out and BYTE someone. Moderation in all things should be practiced sparingly. Modern mother: "You don't write, nor call, nor fax." Modern poets mix too much water with their ink. -Goethe Modesty died when false modesty was born. Modesty is a good bait when fishing for praise. Mommy, why does that moon have a crack? Monday: The day after the football game. Money can't buy happiness, but allows a choice of misery. Money is a good aphrodisiac. Flowers work almost as well. Money is always there but the pockets change. Money is an excellent servant, but a horrible master. Money is like an arm or leg - use it or lose it. Money is round, it rolls away. Money is the root of all wealth. Money is the root of all wealth. Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots. Money is the sinews of both love and war. Money is truthful. Men who speak of honor must pay cash. Money talks ... and mine only says "Good bye." Money talks, but all mine ever says is "Goodbye." Money: A mint makes it first and we try to make it last. Monologue: A conversation between realtor and prospect. Monopolized cable service is all cable and no service. Monotheism is a gift from the gods. Morality is a private and costly luxury. Morbid: The next higher offer at an auction. More than you wanted to know, aren't you sorry you asked? Mosquito: Designed by God to make flies seem better. Most allies must be watched just like the enemy. Most bugs are real sons of glitches. Most family trees have several branches best forgotten. Most free items find an eager waiting user. Most great discoveries start with making a mistake. Most of our future lies ahead. Most of us hate to see a poor loser--or a rich winner. Most weight lifters are biceptual. Most wonderful ideas are so obvious that they're not. Mother nature is a bitch. Mother Nature erred: Leaves should fall up. Mother said I hadn't oughta, so I stayed a virgin, sorta. Mothers-in-law must drink goat's milk, always butting in. Motto of the LAPD: "We Treat You Like A King!" Mountains culminate in peaks, and nations in people. Movement To Ban Silly Tag Lines; Send donations to: Mr. Bullfrog sez: Time is fun when you're having flies. Mr. Worf! Eating Christmas Cookies, on my bridge? MS-DOS is CP/M on steroids. MSDOS is a boot sector virus. Mud slinging politicians clod their way to the top. Multitasking allows screwing up several things at once. Murphy was an optimist. Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong, it will. Music is the only sensual pleasure without vice. Music with dinner is insulting both chef and violinist. Must go - My attack cat needs her claws filled. mY lINKAGE iS sTUCK iN rEVERSE. My best taglines are in for repair! This one's a loaner. My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R. My brain is my second favorite organ. My brain's not crippled, it's functionally challenged. My compiler has a first name, it's Q.U.I.C.K. My computer even came with a driver's side air bag. My computer has EMS....Wont you help? My cow aborted, now she is decalfinated. My ex-wife got the gold mine, but I got the shaft. My family tree is in the forest, somewhere! My genes are so tight, they may stay with me forever. My girlfriend's schizo. She's good people, but.... My Go this amn keyboar oesn't have any 's. My hard disk went on a diet and lost it's FAT. My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore. My life is still in BETA test. My mail reader can beat up your mail reader. My MD wrote an Rx for regular sex, but Blue Cross refused My mind ain't so open that anything can crawl right in. My mind is like a blotter: Soaks it up, gets it backwards My mind. I can feel it. I can feel it going. Goodbye. My name is Taylor, but I don't know a needle from a pin. My name seems to be "xxx-xx-xxxx" what's yours? My neighbor has a circular driveway. she can't get out. My opinions are not those of my ex-employer. My opinions expressed above are not necessarily mine. My other car is a Galaxy Class Starship, need a ride? My other computer is a Cadillac. My other tagline is a footnote. My patience is like 7UP--Never HAD IT---Never WILL My patience is like 7-Up: Never had it, never will. My poor mouse only has one ball. My problem is an 8088 brain in a 80486 world. My profession? Does the word "peon" mean anything to you My reality check just bounced. My trouble is that my absence makes good company. My twit filter just put me on its twit List. My widget is better than yours simply because it's MINE. Myth-conceptions are the major cause of wars. Mythology: Invented lies for future consumption. NAK NAK... Who's there? Nam homo proponit, sed Deus disponit. Name for a topless bathing suit: "Two for the show?" Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. Nature, like people, sometimes weeps for gladness. Necessity is a mother. Nepotism is fine as long as you keep it in the family. Nepotism is fine as long as you keep it in the family. Nervous: Asking what wine goes well with fingernails. Network management is like trying to herd cats. Network? I'm retired, I don't do no work never. Neutrality pays when your wife and mother-in-law argue. Never accept a drink from a urologist. Never agree with me, it shakes my self confidence. Never appeal to his better nature. He may not have one. Never argue with a skunk, mule, female, or a SysOp. Never be led astray onto the path of virtue. Never believe in miracles, simply depend upon them. Never believe what you hear, and less of what you think. Never borrow trouble, the interest is entirely too high. Never buy a software package bigger than your head. Never call a man a fool, instead, borrow from him. Never confuse a motion with an action. Apples & Oranges. Never confuse moving fast with going somewhere. Never cut down an Ironwood Tree to build your life raft. Never deprive someone of hope, it may be all they have. Never despair. If you do, you will work on into despair. Never do today what you can delegate tomorrow. Never drink from your finger bowl, it contains only water Never eat anything larger than your head. Never eat prunes when you're famished. Never enough time, unless you're serving it. Never flush urinals with your hand - use your elbow. Never forget that clones are people two. Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2. Never have children, but always have grandchildren. Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist. Never invest in anything that eats or needs painting. Never invite newlyweds to a come-as-you-are party. Never lean forward to push an invisible object. Never mind the dog, beware of the owner & fecal deposits. Never miss a good opportunity to shut your face. Never, never, never *MOON* a werewolf. Never, never, never *MOON* a werewolf !! Never park your hard disk in a tow-away zone. Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely. Never say "oops." Never settle for less than your best. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. Never tell a lie, unless lying is your strongest point. Never tell them what you wouldn't want to do. Never test for a condition you don't know how to handle. Never test for an error unless you're ready to handle it. Never think of the future. It comes too soon regardless. Never time to do it right, but always time to do it over. Never trust a skinny cook. Never trust a smiling wolf to tend your sheep. Never trust anyone who speaks well of everyone. Never try this stunt on your own PC. Never try to out stubborn a cat. Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. Never wear a Big Mac suit while next to George Foreman. NEVER moon a police officer who has a polearm. Newest Storage: A WORN disk. (Write Once..Read Never). Next time you wave, use ALL of your fingers!! Next time you wave at me use more than one finger. Nice computers don't crash. Nickel: Once good for getting the wrong number with. Nihilism should commence with oneself. Ninety percent of everything will prove to be plain crap. Nitrate: The motel rate for a stay of more than two hours No answer is also an answer. No bachelor files for divorce after a home-cooked meal. No battle plan has ever survived contact with the enemy. No, boars are never chauvinists. No Commander, I meant the OTHER battleship. No condo, no MBA, no BMW, no 486, no clever tagline. No decorations necessary. No facts are sacred, none are profane. No generalization is wholly true, not even this one. No, I don't know what "apathy" means, nor do I care. No, I'm not just another extended character. No, I'm NOT an Extended Character. No job is too simple nor too small to make a mess out of. No man can serve two masters, yes-men can serve hundreds. No man has a good enough memory to make a successful liar No man is lonely while eating spaghetti. No matter how large that drive is, it'll never be enough. No matter what goes wrong, someone knew it would. No medicine can cure a vulgar person. No need to be leading to have the courage to go ahead. No one can think clearly with clenched fists. No one does as much harm as one going about doing good. No one is so happy or sad as he imagines. No one should hide their true self behind a false face. No one should test the depth of a river with both feet. No parking in the red zone. No person ever became wicked all at once. No person is lonely while eating spaghetti. No person should govern another without their permission. No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away No quarter asked, no change given. No sane man will dance. No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway. No, Taco Bell is not the Mexican telephone company. No tax collector will ever enter the Kingdom of Heaven. No wanna work. Wanna bang on keyboard. No woman should imitate men. Men are not worth it. No wonder can last more than three days. Noah saved all the animals from the flood by arcing them. Noble deeds that are concealed are most esteemed. Nobody can be just like me. Even I have trouble. Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest. Nobody else knows what to do either. Nobody ever bet too much on a winning horse. Nobody ever bets enough on the winning horse. Nobody ever goes there, it's too crowded. Nobody has ever learned all of WordPerfect. Nobody home but the lights, and they're out too. Nobody is as deaf as those who will not to hear. Nobody knows the truffles I've seen. Nobody notices when things go right, I'm always noticed. Nobody shoots at Santa Claus. Nobody's seen it all. Node: Was aware of. The past tense of "know." Non-fiction often is more unrealistic than fiction. Non omnia possumus omnes. None but a mule denies his genealogy. Nos micturate te salutamus. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Nostalgia was much better in the good old days. Not a real tagline, but an incredible soy substitute. Not all bugs are worth fixing. Not everything in life is funny. Not everything more difficult is more meritorious. Not everything that counts can be counted. Not now ... I have to go mow the laundry. Not Ready Error reading user's mind. Not to know is bad, but not to wish to know is worse. Nothing astonishes like common sense and plain dealing. Nothing can go wrong...go wrong...go wro*%$@# NO CARRIER. Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. Nothing in this world is certain but DOS and taxes. Nothing is as easy as it looks. Nothing is ever foolproof. They are always so ingenious. Nothing is ever constant, unless it is dead. Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. Nothing is foolproof, idiots are too ingenious. Nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it. Nothing is impossible for he who doesn't have to do it. Nothing is more believed as that known least by the most. Nothing is so good that somebody will not hate it. Nothing is so smiple that it can't get screwed up. Nothing is true, everything is permitted. Nothing is very funny when you're underneath it. Nothing is wrong with you that reincarnation can't cure. Nothing really obnoxious ever totally disappears. Nothing recedes like success. Nothing succeeds like failure. Nothing works, and nobody cares. Nothing's more dangerous than a mind with a solitary idea Notice: All incoming fire has the right of way. Nouvelle cuisine shows more on the bill, than the plate. Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. Now and then an honest person goes into politics. Now is the time for all good men to come to. Now may be an excellent time to become a missing person. Now, now, we're not schizophrenic, am I? Now where can you find one, nicer than this? Now... where did I park that hard disk? Nowadays even some illiterates can read and write. NR] � It's Not What You Know, But Who You Know. Nuclear submarine's major problem: Whale mating season. Nuclear Weapons: May they rust in peace. Nudists are people who wear one-button suits. O oysters come and walk with us, the walrus did beseech. Obesity: A surplus gone to waist. Objects are closer than they appear... OBLIGATO -- being forced to practice the piano. October, when greens turn brown and tans pale. October; When trees change from hirsuties to bald pates. Of all forms of caution, cautious love is the most fatal. Of all the people I have met, you are certainly one. Of all thirty-six alternatives, ignoring it is best. Of all wild beasts, a boy is the most difficult to tame. Of course I tessssted it. Of course I can cook, but I never do it on the first date Of course, we could always get a sump pump. Off by CRASHING COMPUTER. Time Logged: ^D!@#$%^(*&^%^Z. OFF-line mail make sysops happy. Often the test of courage is not to die but to live. Oh captain! my captain! our fearful trip is done. Oh could I fly, I'd fly with thee. Oh, I'm sorry, was that your hard drive. Oh, my ears and whiskers, how late it's getting. Oh no, not deja-vu again. Oh no, not deja-vu again. Oh no Oh, no. Not another learning experience. Oh, no! Not *ANOTHER* learning experience. Oh no! Not another expensive update. Oh, no! Not another learning experience. Oh, pardon me, was that *your* culture? So sorry. Oh that? I was playing leap frog with a unicorn. Oh war. Thou son of Hell. Oh well, half of one, six dozen of the other. Oh, what a tangled web we weave -Hair Club For Men. Oh yeah? Beta test this. Ok, let yourself go, as long as you can let yourself back Ok, now for a quick backu^L+b&2PO^1+=. OK, I'm weird! But I'm saving up to be eccentric. Ok! I'm weird, but I'm saving up to become eccentric. Okay, I'm crazy! But I'm saving up to be eccentric. Okay Okay - right after this one we're BACK to the TOPIC! Okay. When I count to three, everybody smile! Old age & treachery triumph over youth & vigor. Old age is a disease without a cure. Old age is not for sissies. Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative. Old birds are hard to pluck. Old computers make great boat anchors. Old Grandad is dead, but his spirit lives on. Old MacDonald had a computer with EIA I/O. Old musicians never die, they just decompose. Old programmers never die. They branch to a new address. Old programmers never die, they just lose their byte. Old soldiers never die, they just fade away.. On a clear disk you can seek forever. On a quiet night, you can listen forever and hear nothing On earth as it is in San Francisco On the other hand, you have different fingers. On the stage, dying is easy, comedy is difficult. On this BBS, we recycle all of our bytes, bit by bit. Once a king always a king, but once a knight isn't enough Once more into the breach. Once uttered, words run faster than the horses I bet on. One B-2 bomber = 30,000 4-year college educations. One Buchanan beats a Bush hiding a Quayle any day. One crow will not peck out another crow's eyes. One day I'm a windshield, the next day a bug thereon. One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it. One good turn gets most of the blanket on a cold night. One good turn gets most of the blanket. One Is Seldom Criticized For A Closed Mouth. One lie always leads to another almost automatically. One man's folly is another man's wife. One man's theology is another man's belly laugh. One man's Windows are another man's walls. One of these days, Alice, one of these days. One person's
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