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There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works. The personal computer market is about the same size as the total potato chip market


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but it's better now. I hate to repeat gossip, so I'll only say this once. I have a 9600bps modem and 1.5bps fingers. I have a vitally important role serving as a bad example. I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died. I have a really good memory, except it's short. I have lost my mind, but it must be backed-up somewhere. I have often regretted my speech, never my silence. I have seen the truth and it is a lie. I have seen the future, it is just an extended present. I have the simplest of tastes. The best is satisfactory. I have to think twice before I give it a second thought. I haven't lost the weight, it's right here behind me. I haven't lost my mind. It must be backed up somewhere. I hope I'm never out when my ship comes in. I hoping your as confusedly as I am about these things. I improve on misquotation. I just bought a cured ham. Wonder what it had? I just escaped the twilight zone and fell into the 0zone. I just found the last bug. I just read some light fiction: My income-tax return. I just steal 'em, I don't explain 'em. I just took an IQ test. The results were negative. I just work here. I Just got stopped by the LAPD and boy am I beat. I keep forgetting which is AC and which is DC..... I keep my .BAT files in C:\BELFRY. I kinda like the feel of a couple extra feet in my bed. I know a good tag line when I steal one. I know a bigamist who got that way using "New Math". I know nothing, I see nothing, I didn't wake up yet. I know the answer, as long as you ask the right question. I know why so many squirrels live in my family tree. I like the 486 tower. Does it come in red? I like work. I can sit and look at it for hours. I lost a button hole today. I love standards, there are so many of them! I may be stupid, that still makes me smarter than you. I may have my faults, but being wrong ain't one of them. I may have settled in shipping. I may not be perfect, but I am all I got. I may not be totally perfect, but some parts are OK. I met a subliminal advertising exec but only for a second I modem down, but dey grew back. I multitask... I read in the bathroom. I must have slipped a disk -- my pack hurts. I must of skipped a disk -- My pack hurts. I mustanottagottalotta sleep last night. I need a drink...where's the SPACE BAR? I never knew lasers could be printed. I never loved another person the way I loved myself. I never met a chocolate I didn't like. I never rise above the noise and confusion. I NEVER Read Taglines! Do You? I/O I/O IT'S WRITE TO DISK I GO I/O I/O. I only wrote the thing, I don't have to understand it. I owe, I owe, so off to work I go. I prefer my oysters fried. Then I know my oysters died. I promise not to let it happen again - until next time. I quite drinking, smoking, and sex until I got bored. I saw a subliminal advertising executive for a second. I saw a light at the end of the tunnel - it was a train. I see no humor here, I can only laugh at the thought. I see you are performing up to your standards. I seem to be hearing the sound of idle hands clapping. I seem to be having problems with my lifestyle. I shot an arrow into the air, and it got stuck. I shouted "Ol�!" every time one was gored... I sighed as a lover, I obeyed as a child. I smell memory leakage. Someone here is dozing. I spent a month in Dallas one weekend I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now. I still haven't found what I'm looking for. I still miss my ex-wife - but my aim is improving. I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul. I think ... therefore I am obviously overqualified. I think I got it made & they throw something else at me. I think I think, therefore I think I am. I think. I think I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. I think I've got a headache, what do you think you have? I think it needs more juice. I think that I'm the friendliest guy in my zipcode. I think that I'll stand up-wind, if you don't mind. I think, therefore, I am single. I think, therefore I am (or am I?). I think, therefore I am... I think. I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken. I tremble when I reflect that God is just. I tried OS/2 once, but I didn't inhale. I tried to drown my problems but they can swim. I try to impress someone and always end on the short end. I understand the answers, but all the questions throw me. I use coke. Cherry, preferably, but Classic will do. I use windows...on my car, on my house, but not on my. I used to read books. Now I read .qwk files. I vow to consider your idea fairly, before I reject it. I want to be a procrastinator, but I kept putting it off. I want to live with a synonym girl. I was born agnostic, and I'll diagnostic... I was changed into a tadpole. I knew about metamorphosis I was going to procrastinate, but I put it off. I was just getting used to yesterday when tomorrow came. I was on a roll, until I slipped on the butter. I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth. I wish Adam had died with all his ribs in his body. I wish I could come up with an original tagline. I would strongly oppose apathy, if I cared. I wouldn't touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole. I [] My Dog. I [] My Cat. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. I'd like to live like a poor person with lots of money. I'll have the Turtle Soup, and make it snappy. I'll worry about it tomorrow. I'm a hero with coward's legs. I'm a person of letters... unread collection notices. I'm a pilot. I pick it up here and pile it there. I'm a thinker, I think, but I may be wrong. I'm as innocent as a new-laid egg. I'm as pure as the driven slush. I'm doing this for your own good. I'm feeling argumentative. Please contradict me. I'm flexible..just don't change anything. I'm from the government. I'm here to help you. I'm human: nothing human smells strange to me. I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it? I'm in the computer business, I make Out-Of-Order signs. I'm incredibly jealous, but still glad for you. I'm just another blankity-blank BLANK. I'm just doodlin' my life away... I'm just here for moral support... ignore the gun... I'm just needling you about the thread. I'm lost somewhere in the ozone again. I'm making this up as I go along. I'm miserable without you, it's like having you here. I'm more humble than you are. I'm not a D.J., but I play one on the radio. I'm not confused, I'm just well-mixed. I'm not crazy, I just don't give a &*$#. I'm not fat! - just gravitationally challenged. I'm not messy, I just ran out of STACK space. I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this? I'm not schizophrenic, I'm multi-faceted. I'm not tense, just terribly alert... I'm not..no I am..no, I'm NOT indecisive. Am I? I'm ok, it's the world that's screwed up. I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it. I'm on the Brute Squad. No, you ARE the Brute Squad. I'm on the trailing edge of technology. I'm perfect by necessity, it isn't honest to be modest. I'm so bored, I'm starting to miss my husband. I'm sure it's clearly explained in the Zmodem DOC's. I'm sure we can talk things out like uncivilized people. I'm terribly sorry, but I'm afraid you're just a mirage. I'm the NRA, and if I can't vote twice, I'll shoot you. I'm too stupid to know what I'm involved in. I'm totally unprepared for everyday life. I'm user friendly, I don't byte -- I snap. I'm wearing boxer shorts & I know how to use them. I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography. I've given up reading books. It takes my mind off myself. I've got a mind like a... a... what's that thing called? I've got a BEER attitude. I've got too many hands on my time. I've had BETA days ... and nights. I've never liked morticians, all they want is my body. I've seen better conversations in alphabet soup. I've told you a million times not to exaggerate. I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate. IBM at times means (I)ncredibly (B)otched (M)achines. IBM Marketing, well, it's IBM Marketing! Ideals kill politicians, and politicians kill ideals. Ideas may be whole- left- right- or no-brained. Identify chromosomes: Take down their genes and look. Idling is most joyful when there is plenty of work to do. if (program == crippleware) bit-bucket(program). if a stud cat gets fixed, its broken... If 4 bits = a nibble; 8 = a byte, doesn't 16 = a mouthful If a man understands one woman he should let it go at If a problem has a single neck, it is a simple solution. If a string has one end, then it has another end. If a tree fell on a florist, would he make a sound? If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void. If all papers were smart enough, they would be currency. If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. If anyone approaches with intent of doing you good, run. If at 1st you don't succeed, call it Ver. 1 If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence. If at first you doubt, doubt again. If at first you never succeed, never try Russian roulette If at first you don't succeed, try something else. If at first you don't succeed, you can always emulate me. If at first you don't succeed, Format C: If at first you don't succeed, fall back and punt. If at first you don't exceed, try, try again. If at first you don't succeed, you're doing average. If at first you don't succeed, don't be foolish, give up. If at first you don't succeed, re-format. If at first you don't succeed; Blame everyone else. If at first you don't succeed, you can always emulate me. If at first you don't succeed, try the reset button. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. If crash occurs when using this program, discontinue use. If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for TV? If DOS was an airline, would you purchase a ticket? If everybody knows such-and-such, then it just ain't so. If everyone thinks alike then somebody isn't thinking. If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve. If facts do not conform to the theory, dispose of them. If God had meant for us to be naked, we would be so born. If God is perfect, why do discontinuous functions exist? If God is all knowing, can He understand DSZ docs? If God lived on earth, people would break his windows. If he were at the Last Supper, he'd worry about calories. If I could be respected and not have to be respectable. If I could light this thing I'd send up smoke signals. If I die, I forgive you, if I recover, we shall see. If I don't enforce it, who will know good from evil? If I feel like exercise, I lie down until it passes. If I had two dead mousies, I'd give you one. If I have no mouth but I must scream what should I do? If I invested in GM, it would be busted to Corporal. If I save the whales, where do I keep them? If I think I am right, I am right until proven wrong.. If I wanted your opinion I would give it to you. If I were really two-faced, would I be wearing this one? If I were here more often, I wouldn't be gone so much. If I were you, who'd be me? If I'd miss you when you're gone - would you leave now? If it ain't broke, try installing something else. If it ain't cooked, don't serve it. If it ain't broken yet, please let me have a shot at it. If it ain't borken, don't fix it. If it ain't broke, always try to fix it anyway. If it breaks make it bigger, if it sticks out chrome it. If it feels good .... Do It. If it is not there, it must be here, or it doesn't exist. If it isn't true, at least it is a happy invention. If it jams -- force it. It needed replacing anyway. If it screams, it's best not to eat it. If it was easy, they'd send someone else. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. If it wasn't for our lungs there wouldn't room for smog. If it works, it must be obsolete. If it works, Don't fix it: Unless you are a consultant. If it works perfectly, there's something wrong. If it works; always tear it apart and find out why. If it's more than you need, it's greed. If it's not true, it's quite easily found. If it's not worth doing, it's not worth doing well. If it's not on fire, it's a software problem. If it's really tourist season, why can't we shoot them? If it's tourist season, where do I get a license? If life is just a bowl of cherries, throwing pits is OK. If life is a highway... What's the Queensway? If life's a stage, I want better lighting. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? If Mother Nature were smart she'd have leaves fall up. If nobody measures up, it's time to check your yardstick. If not the problem, are you part of the solution? If Old MacDonald had a computer, it uses Eee-aye-eee I/O. If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun! If people listened to themselves, they would shut up. If picketing didn't exist some kids would never exercise. If reality wants to reach me, it knows where I am. If sex were fast food, you'd have an arch over your head. If she returns from the john, will I be too old to care? If speed scares you, use Windows. If stupidity had survival value, he would live forever. If the cops throw a net over me, am I legally in seine? If the cops throw a net over me, am I legally in seine??? If the family skeleton must remain, make it dance. If the GOOD die young, I wonder why I am still here. If the people lead, the leaders will follow. If there is an obvious solution it is always obvious. If things improve with age, I'm nearly magnificent. If this is a battle, then you have already lost. If this were an actual tagline, it could be funny. If thou is a artist, how does one grasp your art? If three people say you are an ass, put on a bridle. If U look close enough, the truth is hidden in the words. If vegetarians eat vegetables,..beware of humanitarians! If voting changed anything, it would be made illegal. If voting changed anything it'd be illegal. If we learn from losing, we become winners in the end. If winning isn't important then why keep score? If wishes were horses, horses would ride. If wishes were money, beggars would be choosers. If worst comes to worst, you *CAN* turn most things off. If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it. If you are afraid of being lonely, don't try to be right. If you aren't part of a solution, you are a precipitate. If you believe your own demagoguery, you have a problem. If you bow at all, bow low. If you can touch it and you can see it, it's real. If you can't stay healthy, find a sickness you like. If you can't laugh at yourself, try laughing at others. If you can't convince them, confuse them. If you can't make it good, make it big. If you can't win fair, win foul. If you can't speak softly, just use the stick. If you can't dazzle with dexterity, feed them a crock. If you can't bite, don't try to show your teeth. If you can't make it work, make a statistic of it. If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen. If you can't learn to do it well, enjoy doing it badly. If you can't say something nice, sit by me! If you cannot catch a bird of paradise, grab a wet hen. If you continually give you will continually have. If you didn't vote, no complaints about who's in or out. If you do nothing, how do you know when you're finished? If you do drink and drive you might as well smoke too. If you don't fall down, you're not trying. If you don't care where you are, then you can't get lost. If you don't eat garlic, they'll never smell it on you. If you drink and drive, you might as well smoke also. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. If you ever have an idea, try to go with it. If you explain so that nobody misunderstands, some will. If you find it, it is always in the last place you look. If you knew what you're talking about, you'd be dangerous If you knew what you're talking about, you'd be dangerous If you know the spelling of a word, you will err anyway. If you learn from mistakes, you will learn a lot today. If you lie to the computer, it will get you in the end. If you like this one, wait until you hear my next story. If you listen to fools the mob rules. If you make a mistake, fix it to the best of your ability If you mess with anything enough it will surely break. If you NEED to count your money, you're not really rich. If you play with anything long enough it will break. If you pull the wings off a fly, does it become a walk? If you push something hard enough, it will fall over. If you search for the unknown, expect to be surprised. If you smoke after sex, then you're doing it too fast. If you steala this tagline I breaka your keyboard! If you take away the fuel, in time the flames will die. If you think nobody cares, miss a couple of payments. If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. If you throw mud, you will have dirty hands. If you try to be too sharp, you will cut yourself. If you want to hide your face, walk naked. If you want someone to keep a secret, keep it yourself. If you want the last word with a woman, apologize. If you want to hide your face, walk naked. If you want my advice, pay me. If you wish to succeed, consult three old people. If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell nobody. If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it. If you're really a police dog, where's your badge? If you're too old to learn, you were born so. If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're upside down If your mind goes blank, remember to turn down the sound. If your ship doesn't come in, it's time you swim out. If your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt. If youth only had a chance or old age any brains. If youth only had a chance or old age any brains. IF I had to do it over again, it would be without TV. Ifyoucanreadthis,youspendtoomuchtimefiguringouttaglines. Ignorance and dogmatism are lovers growing hand-in-hand. Ignorance is temporary; stupid is forever. Ignorance is the mother of superstition. Ignore your health and it will go away. Illegal aliens are an American problem. Ask any Indian. Illiterate? Write for free help. Illustrate your Sermons! Wear far side ties. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. Imagination without learning is having wings but no feet. Imagine the silence if everyone said only what they know. Imelda Marcos: "If any shoe fits, buy it." Important letters develop errors in the mail. In a family argument, if you are right apologize at once. In a nuclear war, all men will be cremated equal. In Canada, even the female impersonators are women. In case of atomic attack, prayer in schools will be OK. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. In Chicago it is important to vote early and often. In data, the figure most obviously correct, is an error. In DOS we trust. In economics, the majority is almost always wrong. In England there are 60 religions and 1 sauce. In fashion be a reed in the wind. In gambling and life if you don't play, you never win. In God we trust: All others we voice verify. In God we trust, all others we monitor. In God we trust, you pay in gold. In human history, most leaders prove to be good bleeders. In making decisions, recall that the trend is a friend. In principles be a rock in the stream. In space, lemmings have to shoot themselves. In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular. In the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. In the end gravity always wins. - Dolly Parton. In the long run, we're all dead. In this world a man must either be anvil or hammer. In war and life, either fight to win or don't fight. In war there is no substitute for victory. Incest gets you involved with relatives. Incongruous - Where laws are made. Incorrigible punster -- do not incorrige. Indecision is the only key to flexibility. Indiscriminate study bloats the mind. IneedsignificantlymoreroominthislineforwhatIwanttosay. Infinity is a self-canceling thought form. Inflation is a result of legalized counterfeiting. Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere. Information is hard to get. Using it is even harder. Innocent as a newborn alligator! Innuendo = an Italian suppository. Innuendo can be fun. Inquiring minds want to know. Instant Human: Just add caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine. Instinct is intelligence incapable of self-consciousness. Insufficient disk space, abandon all hope here and now. Interchangeable parts never will. Iraq shot down 38 Patriot Missiles with their SCUDS. Iron sharpens iron; scholar, the scholar. Irony: Giving father a billfold for Christmas. Irregular verbs are on sale in the bargain basement. Irregularity: Someone who comes to work late. IRS: How much did you make last year? Please remit same. Is "Artery" The study of fine paintings? Is "Lord of the Flies" about the invention of the zipper? Is "Sue" a noun or a verb? Is a "stackedwurst" a German girl measuring 38-24-36? Is a hippie haircut an example of the lunatic fringe? Is a Jamaican terminal a Rastafarian? Is a PC a symbol of Immaculate Contraption? Is a proofreader a blooper snooper? Is a prostate operation called a "lowbotomy?" Is a WATCH OUT FOR CHILDREN sign a birth control ad? Is Australia really down under, or are we upside down? Is evil a child of the nature or nurture of the beast? Is it 'Flow Control' or 'wolF lortnoC' Is it OK to yell 'MOVIE' in a crowded firehouse? Is it progress if a cannibal uses a knife and fork? Is relativism the only absolute? Is roughing it cutting a filet mignon with a dull knife? Is someone trying to tell you something? Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat? Is this as much fun as you can have with your clothes on? Is this drive really moving with my head parked? Is this Heaven... No. Smell, its Iowa. Is wetter REALLY better? Isn't it about time you backed up your system? Isn't it nice that egotists don't talk about other people Isn't there a statute of limitations on stupidity? It ain't over till it's over and Roseanne Barr sings. It all hinges on your definition of 'a good time'. It always rains right after I wax philosophical. It doesn't help to curse the darkness. It doesn't matter if you win, it's the point spread. It doesn't work, but it looks pretty. It has been discovered: research causes cancer in rats. It is a sin peculiar to people to hate their victims. It is a rather pleasant to be alone in a bank at night. It is always easier to destroy than to create. It is bad luck to be superstitious. It is better to kiss an avocado than to kiss an aardvark. It is better to know useless things than nothing. It is better to copulate seldom rather than never. It is better to burn out than to fade away. It is better to wear out than to rust out. It is dangerous to confuse children with angels. It is double pleasure to deceive the deceiver. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. It is easier to run down a hill than up one. It is easier to admire hard work if you don't do it. It is easier to catch flies with honey than with vinegar. It is easy to propose impossible remedies. It is easy to be wise after the event. It is Fortune, not wisdom that rules man's life. It is hard to discern when enough is enough + / = / - . It is hard to believe that even his friends like him. It is hereditary in my family to have no children. It is meaningless to speak of domesticating a child. It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. It is not only fine feathers that make fine birds. It is possible to smell after you stop breathing. It is so much better to live rich than to die rich. It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree. It is when you take for yourself that you truly take. It isn't a dance, it's a fertility rite with lyrics. It isn't easy being green. It looks like an optical illusion, but it isn't. It matters not if you win or lose, it is what I do. It never rains but it pours. It runs in the blood like wooden legs. It sounds like you enjoy looking forward to yesterday. It takes a long word to retard spoilage. It takes about 10 years to get used to how old you are. It takes two to make a bargain. It usually takes weeks to prepare an impromptu speech. It was a dark and stormy byte. It was a night like this, 40 million years ago. It was a dark and stormy night. It was a Dark and Stormy Byte.... It was so cold, I almost got married. It was supposed to be so easy. It will be done on time, if I can find the time. It works better if you plug it in *AND THEN* turn it on. It works for me. It's 11:56 pm. Do you know where your modem is? It's 5PM and I'm all out of pithy things to say. It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. It's a dog-eat-dog world, don't wear MilkBone underwear. It's a fine line between fishing & standing still. It's a P.C. Cake. It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards. It's a poor workman who blames his tools. It's a poor cook who cannot lick his own fingers. It's a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles. It's a tragedy that no man becomes like his mother. It's all a matter of taste. It's always darkest before you step on the cat. It's amazing how mature wisdom resembles being tired. It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you. It's bad luck to be superstitious. It's been nice meeting you, and nicer to see you leave. It's better the world wonder why you *AREN'T* President. It's certainly not my fault, I barely touched it. It's easier to love all humanity than some neighbors. It's easier to curse the candle than light the darkness. It's easy to make a friend, hard to make a stranger. It's hard to be humble when you're having so much fun. It's hard to believe it, but some teens are humans. It's love that makes the world go round. It's morally wrong to let a sucker keep his money. It's my personal idea because I stole it first. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. It's nice that people who love L.A. live there. It's nice to be liked just the way you are. It's nobody's business, not even mine. It's not a Bug, it's a hidden and seldom used feature. It's not crippled, it's functionally challenged! It's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save. It's not if you win or lose. It's placing the blame. It's not me, it's just the way they dress me. It's not often I'm right, but I'm wrong this time. It's not over until the FAT table sings. It's often cheaper to be forgotten than remembered. It's OK to wear the same thing every day: a smile. It's okay to call someone stupid; just don't prove it. It's only a hobby ... only a hobby ... only a. It's so bad, it may turn my hair dark. It's stupid to continue doing what doesn't work. It's the kind of thing that makes people go "Hmmmmmm.." It's what inside you, not the outside that counts. It's what you learn after you know it all that counts. It's who you look like......Not who you are. It`s clever, but is it art? Its hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember a thing. Its not the size of the ship, its the size of the waves. Its not the thing you fling, its the fling itself. Ivo Andric - Yugoslavia's First Nobel Laureate. Ivy covered professors, in ivy covered halls. J. Edgar Hoover slept with a night light on all night. J'suis le Grand Zombie. Jealousy is all the fun you think they have. Jesus Saves, Johnson scores on the rebound. Jesus Saves..... passes to Moses..shoots..SCORES! Jesus SAVES! Passes to Moses. He shoots! Scores! Join hands across the seas. Stop continental drift. Join Taglines Anonymous. We can help. Join the army, meet interesting people, kill them. Join the War on Puberty, eliminate juvenile delinquency. Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers. Judge not a carpenter on how fast the chips fly. Judge not, lest ye be judged incompetent by the world. Judicial reform is no sport for the short-winded. Junk - stuff we throw away. Stuff - junk we keep. Junk will accumulate to overflow space provided for it. Junk will accumulate to overflow space provided for it. Jury: A group chosen to decide who has the best lawyer. Jury: Twelve people too dumb t get out of jury duty. Just cannot resist a little fun along the way. :-) Just got a new car for my wife... Great trade. Just listen to those old diodes slam dancing. Just moving fast is not the same as getting somewhere. Just my opinion (But I'm right). Just remember: when in doubt, you're always right. Just send my paycheck to MasterCard or VISA. Just think - in German, "Tag" means "day". Just want to add my two cents worth, for what it's worth. Just when I make ends meet, someone moves one end. Just when I've found the answer, you change the question. Just when you think it's hopelessly broken, it works. Justice delayed is justice denied. Justice is dispensed with sometimes in the court system. Justice is incidental to law and order. Justice: A decision in your favor. Keep cool, stand in front of an open refrigerator. Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis. Keep grandma off the streets -- legalize bingo. Keep hands off the secretary's reproducing equipment. Keep one foot in the past when searching for the future. Keep your eyes open before marriage, half-shut afterwards KENNEDY COMPOUND -KEEP OUT- TRESPASSERS MAY BE VIOLATED! Kernel panic: Nut lose in operator's chair. Keyboard not connected, press
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