| "Will a 2 X 4 do Captain?" "Build a watch in 56,179 easy steps" by C. Forsberg. "C.I.A." -- A contradiction in terms most of the time. "Cashew?" "Gesundheit!" "Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?" "Dust bunnies threaten thousand points of light" -G. Bush "Experience comes from bad judgment." - Mark Twain. "Graphic Artist seeks Boss with vision impairment." "Happiness is a warm puppy." said the anaconda. "He who hesitates is lunch !" "Honey?" is that what you call this bee barf? "How to Boil Water, in 500 easy steps" by Chuck Forsberg. "I drank WHAT!?" - Socrates. "I'm not asz think asz you drunk I am, Ossifer!" "If he catches you, you're through" - Mr. R. Runner. "If he catches you, you're through" - Road Runner. "If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good." - B Gates "Isn't everybody happy?" - Machiavelli "It" has fallen, and "it" won't get up. "Let me sweeten the deal a bit for you," - Beelzebub. "Life," he said, "Don't talk to ME about life!". "Make love not war" people probably flunked both. "Nietzsche is dead," God. "No, I said Bud Light!" - Captain of the Hindenburg "None of the Above" for President. "Nurse! I said: "SLIP off his SPECtacles!" "Off with her head!" shouted the Queen. "Ok, now for a quick backu���&�#^1s�" "Once," adverb: Enough. "Scotty. hurry. beam me" uragg^*�� NO CARRIER. "Suicide Hotline...please hold for the next available..." "That's entertainment," - Vlad the Impaler. "There's no intelligent life here Scotty -- Beam me up" "Tourist Season" : When it's OK to shoot them. "Wagner's music is better than it sounds." "Ward, I'm worried about the Beaver." "Who cares for you? You're but a deck of cards," -Alice. ((wrong && wrong) != right) (A)bort (R)etry (I)nfluence with large hammer. (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza. $ not found: A)bort, R)efinance, D)eclare bankruptcy. $$ doesn't buy happiness, if you don't know where to shop $$$ not found -- A)bort, R)efinance, D)eclare bankruptcy * FORD Fix or Repair Daily. * The graveyards are full of indispensable men. ********************************************************* ********************************************************* *************************** e n d *********************** **FLASH** Eveready Bunny arrested, charged with battery. *IT IS* documented, look under "For Internal Use Only." *NOW* is a point in time that is already gone. <-------- The information went data way --------> << Just some more irrelevant nonsense from me. >> <<< Tagline deleted by Natl Endowment for the Arts >>> Is this thing on? . . #:-) <:������� - Snake stalking person. ########### <------Scratch off to reveal your prize. 癙 �¿��ÿ $�x �����$ ���r ��$�gÿ�.... 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... (Bo Derek getting older). 10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0. 1024x768x256.... Sounds like one mean woman. 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's tag 123456789012345678901234567890123456789012345678901234567 186,282 miles per second, it's the LAW. 1st Amendment Rights: use them or lose them. 1st rule of marriage: If you're right, apologize fast. 2 x 4 bbs - a basic board. 2+2=4 (for the time being). 24 hours in a day and 24 beers in a case. Hmmmm..... 3 dreaded words: " hard disk failure." 3 kinds of people: Those who can count & those who can't. 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.. 43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wrong, will. 486SX: When only the most recent mediocrity will do... 5� floppy is not better than 3� hard. 640k = 4480 in dog bytes. 640K ought to be enough for anybody. -Bill Gates, 1981. 8 of 10 people suffer hemorrhoids the other 2 enjoy them. 80% of men cheat in America, the rest in Europe. 90% of any business transaction is selling yourself. 90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. 90% of politicians give the other 10% a bat reputation. 93.4% of all statistics are made up. The rest are false. A "lotus?" I thought that was a Grasshopper. A "program" is used to turn data into error messages. A bachelor enjoys the chase but doesn't eat the game. A bad peace is even worse than a war. A bear robbed of cubs is safer than the folly of fools. A beard signifies lice, not brains. A belly button is for salt when you eat celery in bed. A big enough hammer can usually fix anything. A big mouth travels far and fast. A bigot will not reason, a fool cannot, a slave dare not. A billion dollars isn't what it used to be. A billion here, a billion there, soon it is real money. A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken. A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring. A bird in the hand's better than one overhead. A bird in the bush can't make a mess in your hand. A bleeding heart can be hell on the carpeting. A bonded penguin is a happy penguin. A book, a friend, a song, a glass, a chaste loving lass. A book is the only immortality. A brilliant smile will get you fan mail from lighthouses. A Canadian is somebody who can make love in a canoe. A cannibal only opens his mouth to change your feet. A cat would be man's best friend, but never stoops to it. A celebrity is a person who is known for well-knownness. A child prodigy knows not to bother with it. A choice is always possible, even without any options. A clean, neat, and orderly desk is a sign of a sick mind. A clear conscience is most often a sign of a bad memory. A closed mouth gathers no flies. A closed mouth gathers no foot. A closed mouth maintains a happy mind. A cold Diet Coke and another Camel. A committee has six or more legs and no brain. A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord A conclusion is where you got tired of thinking. A crappie is not a sunfish found in a toilet. A critic knows the way but can't drive the vehicle. A cynic smells the flowers and then looks for the casket. A day without sunshine is like a night. A day without okra is like a day without sunshine. A day without sunshine is like night. A deluge of words and drop of sense. A deluge of words and drop of sense. A dime saved is a dollar earned. The rest is Uncle Sam's. A diploma proves only that you know how to find an answer A dry sense of humor is better than slobbering everywhere A family reunion is an effective form of birth control. A farmer is always going to make it rich the next year. A father is usually a banker provided by nature. A flying particle will seek the nearest eye. A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee. A fool and his money are soon elected. A fool and his money are soon partying! A fool must search for a greater fool to find admiration. A fool must now and then be right by chance alone. A friend in need is a pest. A friend is something you earn. A generation which ignores history has no past or future. A gentleman can disagree without being disagreeable. A good angle to approach any problem is the try-angle. A good dog barks when told. A good hot dog feeds the hand that bites it. A good library must always be a two way street. A good man gone wrong is usually a bad man found out. A good marriage outlasts the first box of dental floss. A good memory is one trained to forget the trivial. A good organizer is the one who is careful to plan ahe A good pun is its own reword. A good rooster crows in any hen house. A good scare is better than good advice. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit. A gourmet thinking calories is a tart looking at a clock. A great many family trees were started by grafting. A gun gives you the body, not the bird. A hangover: the wrath of grapes. A hard disk is good to find. A heavy night snowstorm is God saying: "Take today off." A hen is an egg's way of making another egg. A hen tomorrow is more valuable than an egg today. A hen who lays an egg cackles as if it was an asteroid. A hole is nothing but you can still break your neck in it A horse is a horse, of course, of course. A horse may go freely to water, but a pencil must be lead A hug warms the soul and places a smile in the heart. A hundred stars do not equal the light of the one moon. A hundred thousand lemmings can't all be wrong. A husband is a lover with the nerve extracted. A husband is the medicine for the ills of girlhood. A jerk present in a group indicates a jerk in charge. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. A jug is carried under your coat for a dishonest reason. A KGB keyboard has no key. A kind word and gun gets you more than a kind word alone. A king's castle is his home. A lady is one who only shows her underwear intentionally. A lady wearing a chastity belt is not going to a ball. A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless paid for. A leading authority is someone lucky who guessed right. A leap year is never a good sheep year. A learned fool is more foolish than an ignorant fool. A liar isn't believed even when he speaks the truth. A liberal is a person with no interests now at stake. A lie in time saves nine. A lie is terminological inexactitude. A little ignorance can go a long way. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. A little truth helps the lie go down. A living example of Artificial Intelligence. A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, or was it here? A lotus? I thought that was a Grasshopper. A low yield atomic bomb is like being a bit pregnant. A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available. A male rite of passage: Writing your name in the snow. A man in love mistakes a pimple for a dimple. A man in the house is worth two on the street - Mae West. A man is only as good as what he loves. A man should live forever, or die trying. A man who smiles when things go wrong knows who to blame. A man without a god is like a fish without a bicycle. A man's a man for that. A man's house is his hassle. A mind is a terrible thing to taste. A mind is a terrible thing to lay off. A minister says matrimony should be enduring. It is. A miser is hard to live with, but makes a fine ancestor. A mob has many heads, but no brains. A mother-in-law is often a mother. A mother is not a dust rag. A mother of quintuplets gave spouse a separate bedroom. A mother pampering a child is raising a serpent. A motion to adjourn is always in order. A mouse is an elephant built in Japan. A new mother soon becomes a chief cook and bottom washer. A newspaper is to a book as a whore is to a lady. A newspaper is a collection of half-injustices. A noisy exhaust to some almost amounts to a mating call. A nose in artificial manure is not studying nature. A nudist has no reason to fear a pickpocket. A nudist is one who suffers from clothestrophobia. A nudist wedding makes the best man easy to identify. A ounce of pretension = a pound of manure. A pain in the butt may be a friend in need.. A pen is mightier than a sword except it runs out of ink. A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act it out. A penny saved is 2.5 grams of zinc alloy. A penny saved is a Congressional oversight. A penny saved is ridiculous. A perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4:00 am. A person does not have a sense of humor, it has you. A person in a passion is riding a mad horse. A person is a lion in his own cause. A person never tells you anything until contradicted. A person with two watches is never sure what time it is. A person without a navel lives within all of us. A person's got to know his limitations to avoid failure. A pest: A friend in need. A piano is a piano is a piano. Gertrude Steinway. A pitcher that goes to a well too often is broken first. A plucked goose doesn`t lay golden eggs. A poet is a kind of liar who always speaks the truth. A poet reading his verse in public has a nasty habit. A pound of pluck is worth a ton of luck. A problem can be found for almost every solution. A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep. A programmer and his mind are soon parted A recession is what takes the wind out of your sales. A red nose can be the result of sunshine or moonshine. A Robin redbreast in a cage puts all heaven in a rage. A rock ----->me<----- A hard place. A rolling stone is better than a bird in the hand. A rooster clucks defiance -- but a lawyer. A Rotarian was the first to call John the Baptist "Jack." A school: Building with four walls and tomorrow inside. A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago. A short cut is the longest distance between two points. A shot in the dark = searching for a needle in hay stack. A shower is the halfway point between bed and world. A simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way. A slap vs a slog is like a ribbon vs an obi. A sleeping fox counts hens in his dreams. A small object that is accidentally dropped will hide. A smile is the sunshine that is a part of life. A Smith & Wesson beats four aces every time. A spoonful of sugar helps any medicine go down. A statesman shears sheep, a politician skins them. A table of contents has no drawers. A teetotaller makes the worst drunkard. A teetotaller makes the worst drunkard. A thick head can do as much damage as a hard heart. A thief believes that everybody steals. A thing of beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A tidal wave of avalanche proportions. A too-short mini skirt leaves a definitive end in view. A true diplomat struts sitting down. A true friend is the best possession. A true friend is one soul in two bodies. A true subwoofer makes the concrete shake beneath you. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn. A verbal contract isn't worth the paper its written on. A vote on the tally sheet is worth two in the box. A waist is a terrible thing to mind. A well-written life is as rare as a well-spent one. A whore is a whore for the same reason some of us aren't. A wife lasts as long as a marriage, an ex-wife for ever. A wise person sees as much as ought, not as much can. A wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf. A woman must be a genius to create a good husband. A woman's guess is more accurate than a man's certainty. A word fitly spoken is like a beautiful apple of gold. A worthless wise man always charms the rabble. A writer thinks of critics as a tree feels about dogs. A yawn is a silent shout. A yer ago I kudnt spel progrmer now I are won. A)bort R)etry G)et a gun and kill it. AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse. AARRGHH!! A virus was chewing my FAT. Abandon hope, all ye who here. Abandon the search for truth: settle on a good fantasy. Abdominos... sit-ups & pizza. Ability is a good thing but stability is even better. Abolish mornings. Abort, Retry, Ignore, hold Requiem Mass? Abort, Retry, Ignore, say Kaddish? Abort, Retry, Ignore, Valium? Abort, Retry, Ignore, plan a Funeral Service? Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder. Accordion: A bagpipe with pleats. Accountants work their assets off. Accuracy: The vice of being right. ACK and ye shall receive. Acting is the art of keeping the audience from coughing. Acting without thinking is like shooting without aiming. Actions are neither as good nor as evil as impulses. Actions are usually right, but the reasons seldom are. Actions from sanity are not necessarily from feeling. Actions speak louder than words -- but not so often. Adam ate the apple, and our teeth still ache. Adam's Rib: The original bone of contention. Admiration: Polite recognition of self-reflection. Adult: One old enough to know better. Adventure is the champagne of life. Adversity makes people wise but not rich. Adversity reveals genius, prosperity conceals it. Advertisement: The most truthful part of a newspaper. After a snowstorm, everybody's lawn looks the same. After all is said and done, usually more is said. After four decimal places, nobody gives a damn. After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in? After two weeks of dieting, all I lost was two weeks. Against stupidity, the Gods themselves, contend in vain. Age and treachery can always overcome youth and skill. Age is never a bar to human immaturity. Age is only important if you're a cheese. Age needn't necessarily be a bar to immaturity. aibohphobia, n., The fear of palindromes. Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows. Aliens have invaded Earth! How else do you explain DOS? Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse. all is said and done, people keep saying and doing. All answers questioned here. All barkers are not side show hawkers. All clowns are masked, all personae flow from choices. All computers wait at the same speed. All for one; one for all, except me above all. All general statements are false, except this one. All great truths began as blasphemies. All hope abandon ye who enter messages here. All human life ends when you take a "dirt nap." All humans are subject to decay. All I ask is to prove that money can't make me happy. All I have to do is imagine, and I am in dreamland. All mathochists suffer from calculust. All of the stars are to be found only up in the sky. All power corrupts, but we need electricity. All probabilities are 50%. It happens or it doesn't. All real programs contain errors. All reality is aspect dependent. All rivers run into the sea, yet the sea is not full. All science is either physics or stamp collecting. All sentences that seem true should be questioned. All taglines are busy..One will be with you shortly. All that glitters has a high refractive index. All the kookies are not in the jar. All the tea in china: 356,000 metric tons. All things are difficult before they are easy. All things evolve, nothing is extinguished. All those updates, and still imperfect. All true wisdom is discovered in tag lines. All wanting joy must share it, happiness was born a twin. All warranties expire upon payment of this invoice. All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? All words are pegs on which to hang ideas. All your future lies beneath your hat. All's fair in love and war - What a contemptible lie. All's well that ends well. Alone in a bank at night is a pleasant experience. Altruism is the devil's calling card. Always be smarter than the people who hire you. Always consider the alternative before making a choice. Always do right: Gratify some and astonish the rest. Always first decide the sentence, then the verdict. Always format alphanumerically, then preview graphically. Always listen to experts. Hear the impossible then do it. Always look out for #1 and be careful not to step in #2. Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out. Always put your brain in gear before starting your mouth. Always remember that a moving neutrino gathers no mass. Always remember the past, but make waves when it matters. Always remember to pillage before you burn. Always remember, to copy a disk is not to Xerox it. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. Always remember where you came from so you can return. Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else. Always smile. It makes people wonder what you're up to. Always store beer in a cool dark place. Always take aim at the Tidy Bowl Man. Always tell her she is beautiful, even if she isn't. Always use your enemy's hand to catch a snake. Always willing to share my ignorance... Always yield to temptation, it may never return. Alzheimer's Club: Meet the same new friend every day. Am I ignorant or apathetic? I don't know and don't care! Amazing how much you learn after thinking you know it all Ambition destroys its possessor. America is a dream to most of the world. America is a tune. But it must be sung in harmony. America is the only country founded on a good ideal. America, land of opportunity for Japanese businessmen. America was not discovered by Americans, shame on them. America's 5 Most Feared Words: "Dan, I don't feel well. American politics: The walruses herding the oysters. Among economists, the real world is often a special case. An accommodating vice is better than an obstinate virtue. An actor without buck teeth can play the Easter Bunny. An agreeable person: One who agrees with you. An alcoholic is an enemy who drinks as much as you do. An alcoholic: A person who drinks more than his physician An appeaser feeds a crocodile, hoping to be eaten last. An ass thinks one thing, his rider another. An atheist has no invisible means of support. An attacker must vanquish, a defender need only survive. An authority is anyone who guessed right more than once. An electrical engineer deals with current events. An elephant: A mouse built to government specifications. An honest politician: One who stays bought. An idea is not responsible for fools who believe in it. An inch of dog is better than a mile of pedigree. An institution is the lengthened shadow of one man. An open mind is wonderful if matching mouth not included. An optimist invented an airplane; a pessimist a parachute An optimist is a guy without much experience. An ounce of example is worth a ton of advice. An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance. An over the hill astronaut requests a slower capsule. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. Anarchy: Rights without Responsibilities. Ancient custom has the force of law. And all the children are above average in our system. And God said, "Let there be light, but make it quick." And now a word from Wall Street: "HELP!" And now for something completely different. And now for something completely ridiculous... And now, let the fun begin. And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode. And this is your brain over-easy with a side of bacon. And when fate summons even the Tsar must obey. And you know Flipper, he lives in a world full of wonder. Angels can fly since they take themselves lightly. Anger always drives the mouth faster than the mind. Anger is a wind which blows out the lamp of reason. Angling: The name given to fishing by non-fishermen. Animal attraction: here for hunger or for love. Animals -- the renewable resource Another day, another challenge. Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree. Antenna farms benefit from propagation. Antonym: The opposite of the word you're searching for. Any certainty is a delusion. Any day can be the beginning of a new year. Any fool can tell the truth, it takes sense to lie well. Any given program, when running correctly, is obsolete. Any IC protected by a fast acting fuse protects the fuse. Any man who can see through women is sure missing a lot. Any priest or shaman is guilty until proven innocent. Any socialism involves more slavery than democracy. Any sufficiently advanced magic looks like technology. Any sufficiently advanced bug will become a feature. Anybody can say they'll do something, few actualize it. Anybody can win, unless there is a second entry. Anyone can hate. It costs to love. Anyone can walk on water, just know where the rocks are. Anything free is worth what you pay for it. Anything good is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. Anything I make can become a cause for my sorrow. Anything is good if it's made of chocolate. Anything not a constant, is not a commandment from God. Anything not nailed down is a cat toy. Anything simple is stated in the most complicated manner. Anything that is too stupid to be spoken can be sung. Anything worth doing is worth getting someone else to do Anything worth doing, is worth doing for a profit. Anytime things go better, you have overlooked something. Apathy Error: Don't Bother Striking Any Key. Apathy Error: Don't Bother Striking Any Key Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key. Apology is only egotism wrong side out. Applied emotion is the key to success with happiness. April 16th: Count your blessings - nothing else is left. Architecture is the art of how to waste space. Are deaf psychiatrists better listeners? Are dog biscuits made from Collie Flour? Are RAM chips better than EWE chips? Are those cookies made with real Girl Scouts? Are we supposed to be having fun yet? Are you a Klingon, or is that a turtle on your head? Are you a good witch, or are you a bad witch? Are you part of the solution, or the precipitate? Are you virus free? Be sure with URINALIS.EXE. Are you waiting for your prey? Arkansas: Bubble-gum cards are in the Great Books series. Army food: The spoils of war. Art does not reproduce the visible; it makes visible. Art for art's sake is a philosophy of the well-fed. Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth. Art is either plagiarism or revolution. Art is I; Science is We. Art is vision not expression. Art thou an artist, or art thou art? Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity Artificial Intelligence: The other guy's opinion. Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum. Artists' models make only a bare living. As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. As easy as 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841. As for me, all I know is that I know nothing. As I learn, I know about more things I don't yet know. As I said last week, I'll be done tomorrow. As I said before, I never repeat myself. As I was going up a stair, I met a man who wasn't there. As I was saying, I hate it when people don't finish their As lacking in privacy as a goldfish. As long as I live, I shall be, myself, no other, just me. As long as we remain unsure, we are alive. As you stroll through life always remember: HELL SUCKS! ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI. Ask not for whom the bell tolls the answer can be deadly. Ask not for whom the bell tolls; let the machine get it. Asking PAC BELL for advice is like asking IRS tax advice. ASL has 15 signs for stupidity; 3 for smart. Assassination is the extreme form of censorship. Assembly line workers do it over and over. Assumption #1: Dan Quayle is smarter than broccoli. Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups. Astrology is Taurus. Astronomy: The anatomy and physiology of our universe. Astrophysicans try to cure sick stars. At 19, everything is possible; tomorrow looks friendly. At all ages you are certain you still have another year. At least you can always use my code as a bad example. At times we must settle for inferior quality time. At yuletide, astronauts look for the missile toe. Attack long worms from the rear - that is so much safer. Attention K-Mart shoppers, today the special is... ATTENTION ..............Elvis has left the echo. Aunt Em. Hate Kansas. Hate you. Took dog. Dorothy. Autobiography: Unrivalled telling truth about others. Automobile mufflers don't die, they just get exhausted. Avant-Garde Narrow: a typeface for the broad-minded. Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance. Avoid fighting with the ugly, they have nothing to lose. Avoid home accidents, joined planned parenthood. Avoid junk mail, get an unlisted ZIP code. Avoid Mailmen...............They Are Carriers. Avoid reality at all costs. Avoid the 5 o'clock rush - always leave work at noon. Avoid The Noid. Bach is like a jetstream -if you can get on it, you soar! Bachelor: A guy who has cheated a woman out of a divorce. Bachelor: Plays the field until the field comes in. Bachelor's wives and spinster's children: always perfect. Bachelorhood should be taxed, such happiness is valuable. Back up my hard drive? I can't find the reverse switch. Back when I was a boy, we carved our own ICs out of wood. Backup not found: Abort, Retry, Massive heart failure? Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx. Bad command or file name. Go stand in the corner. Bad officials: elected by good citizens who fail to vote. Bad spelers of the word, untie. Bad spellers of the world untie. Banging head against wall mode - off. Bank error in your favor. Collect $200. Bank Rule: To get a loan, first prove you don't need it. Baptism: A kind of damp bar mitzvah. Barometer: Indicates what kind of weather we are having. Baroque: When you are out of Monet. BASIC programmers never die, they GOSUB and don't RETURN. Bastard toadflax: not the result nearsighted horny toads. Bathroom scale: Something you stand on and swear at. Batteries not included. BBS: a method to triple your phone bill. Be a friend to the earth and it will be a friend to you. Be Alert -- what the world needs is more LERTS. Be as good at receiving as you are at giving. Be careful when playing under the anvil tree. Be careful when slinging mud, you might lose ground. Be flexible, some things just take time. Be mischievous and creative, if they fit you. Be nice on your way up you'll meet again on the way down. Be reasonable ... Let's do it my way. Be right & fear no man. Don't write & fear no woman. Be self-reliant and your success is assured. Be smart as a cat: Make a friend of your enemy's enemy. Be spontaneous.......combust. Be sure to use DEVICE=EXXON to screw up your environment. Be suspicious of all non-native-born Esperanto speakers. Be vewy, vewy quiet....I'm hunting tagwines. Beam me up Scotty.... I swallowed my Phaser. Beat's me!!! I never read the documentation. Beauty faded has no second spring. Beauty is often in the thighs of the beholder. Beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes straight to the bone. Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another. Bedfellows make strange politicians. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Beep. Invalid Input. I take only cash. Beer and women: Two of God's best gifts to mankind. Beer!, Now that's a temporary solution. Beer! Now there's a temporary solution. Before advising be yourself, reassess his character. Beginnings and endings are truly artificial constructs. Behind an able man, there are always other able men. Behind every argument is someone's ignorance. Behind every successful man stands a surprised MIL. Being a "nice guy" doesn't cost, but it generally pays. Being a husband is a full time job. Being able to say NO is the root to reclaiming your life. Being alive: Concentrating on goals, not limitations. Being married means making both love *AND* war. Being old fashioned is not necessarily good or better. Being punctual makes people think you have nothing to do. Beneath every stone sleeps a scorpion. Benign: What you are after you be eight. Best diet: Eat as much as you want, but don't swallow it. Best thing about the future: it comes one day at a time. Best way to keep your friends: don't give them away. Best way to appreciate a job: imagine yourself without it Beta testers do it until it breaks. Better a coward for a minute than dead forever. Better loved and lost than never lost at all. Better the shoulder to the wheel than the back to the A I Better three hours too soon than a minute too late. Better to marry a man who loves you than one you love. Better to understand little than misunderstand a lot. Beulah, peel me a grape. Beware of friends who are false and deceitful. Beware of geeks bearing GIFs! Beware of hip and rum drivers. Beware of little expenses. A small leak can sink a ship. Beware of low-flying butterflies. Beware of opinions of anyone with or without any facts. Beware of plants that eat their young Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers. Beware of the opinion of someone without any facts. Beware of the Quantum Ducks -- QUARK QUARK QUARK. Beware of the woman who does not drink. Beware of true believers you may be duped by a false god. Beware the person who has nothing to lose. He always wins Beware when God lets loose a thinker on this planet. Beware. I'm armed and have suffered from PMS all my life. Beware! This is a dangerous product, manuals required. Big Brother is watching. Bigamist: An Italian fog. Bigamist: One who makes the same mistake twice. Bigamy: One wife too many. Monogamy: Same idea... Binary Choir = 1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1. Biochemists wear designer genes. Biography should be written by an acute enemy. Biography: One of the terrors of death. Biological love =/= chemical love. Biology is destiny. Birds are trapped by their feet, people by their tongues. Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date. Bits make bytes, but nibbles turn me on. Bits make bytes, but nibbles turn me on. Black holes were created when God divided by zero. Blame Murphy when you dig at the wrong end of a rainbow. Blaming others can become a satisfying way of life. Bless the peacemakers their work will never end. Blessed are the censors; they shall inhibit the earth. Blessed are the young, let them inherit the national debt Blessed are the pessimists, for they have made backups. Blessed are the meek, for they make great scapegoats. Blessed is he expecting nothing, and never disappointed. Blessed our young they will inherit our national debt. Blessings never come in pairs; misfortunes never alone. Blond Mating Call: Oh, I'm so drunk [giggle]. Blood is thicker than water, and much more tastier. Blow your mind, smoke gunpowder. Boldly going forward because we simply can't find reverse Boldly start in reverse, 'cause that's the genealogy way. Bomb #20, you're out of the bomb bay again. Boot & ye shall see. Replace & all will be made clear. Boozer's Revision: A bird in the hand is dead. Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. Born crying, live complaining, die disappointed. Born free and taxed to death. BOSS spelled backwards is Double S-O-B Both of his feet are firmly planted in the air. Boy: A noise with dirt on it. Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. Brain damage? No thanks, I already have some. Brain, like muscle, works better if regularly exercised. Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think. Breast implant silicon should not influence brains. Bride: Woman with fine prospect of happiness behind her. Bring me my blue soap box. I want to make a speech. Bring the whole family...but leave the kids at home. Bubble, Bubble..Am I too late to jump the ship ? Budget: A method for going broke methodically. Bug free, cheap, on time, works. Pick two. Bugs are sons of glitches. Build a better Windows, and kids will still throw rocks. Build a better mousetrap and along will come better mice. Build a vast arena, then put a half-vast team therein. Bumper sticker: Honk if you're illiterate. Bureaucracy: That place always in need of a laxative. Bureaucrat, n.: A person who cuts red tape sideways. BUSH.SYS corrupted, recommend optimizing politics. But God told me to use a GOTO. But God TOLD me to use a GOTO. But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer, Gie her a haggis. But once you are real, you can't become unreal again. But you Thaid it wath a PITH helmet! Buy a 486-33 so you can reboot faster. By following the good, you learn to be good. By the time I have money to burn, my fire will be out. By the time we've made it, we've had it. By the way, you're soaking in it. By trying we can learn to endure another's adversity. C program run... Run, program, run... PLEASE... C programming means never having to say you're done. C:\> The stick shift of computing. C'est la vie. California is a fine place to live, if you are an orange. California makes the best wine, New York the best whine. California raisins murdered! Cereal killer suspected. Call out the vice squad. Someone's mounting a disk drive Call waiting, great if you have two friends. Camels have wet dreams too. Can a blue man sing the whites? Can bankers count? Eight windows and only four tellers? Can I blame all of my spelling on line noise? Can I go back to bed now? Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse? Can you open your mind without it falling out? Can you prove it didn't happen? Can you see it Joker? It's written all over my face. Can you teach an old hooker new tricks? Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street? Can't see it? It's there. I'm using stealth technology. Candy's dandy but liquor's quicker. - O.N. Capitalistic man exploits man; Socialism reverses this. Carasvemos, corazones no sabemos. Careful planning is the key to safe and swift travel. Carelessness does more harm than a want of knowledge. Cash, a poor person's credit card. Catastrophes to others are everyday events to you. Cats are like furry dilettanti, or the reverse? Cats, proof that eating and sleeping isn't all bad. Cats teach that not everything in nature has a function. Cats took many thousands of years to domesticate humans. Caution: Breathing may be hazardous to your health. Caution! - Bug squashing in progress. Ceci n'est pas un chapeau. Cedant arma togae. Celebrate Hannibal Day. Take an elephant to lunch. Celebrate the first day you open the windows. Celery farmers play the stalk market. Celery raw develops a jaw. But stewed, is quietly chewed. Celibacy isn't hereditary. Your children force it on you. Cemetery: (n); A marble orchard you can take for granite. Certum est quia impossibile est. Cesarean Section: A historic district in Rome. Challenge is the fuel that drives the winner. Chance makes our parents, but choice makes our friends. Change is inevitable ... except from vending machines. Character is much easier kept than recovered. Charity begins at home, and mostly ends where it begins. Chaste makes waste. Chastity Belt is here. Do you have the right key? Chastity is it's own punishment. Check the dilithium crystals, we've got a cross-echo. Chicken heads are the chief food of captive alligators. Chicken Little was right. Childish Game: One at which your spouse beats you. Children are curly, dimpled lunatics. Children deserve to be wanted, and feel free and safe. Children have more need of models than of critics. Children: the most common sexually transmitted disease. Chocolate coat them words. You'll be eating them later. Choose heaven for climate, hell for society. Choose your friends, allow your enemies to choose you. Choosy perverts choose GIF. cigar is just a cigar. Circular logic will only get you dizzy. Cities, like cats, will reveal themselves at night. Civilization is a movement, it is a voyage not a harbor. Civilized people need love for full sexual satisfaction. Claiming mental bankruptcy is always an easy option. Classified tagline==Please enter password._ Clean mind, clean body: Take your pick. Cleanliness is next to clean-limbed, in the dictionary. Clever father, clever daughter; clever mother, clever son Click...click...click...damn, out of new taglines. Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get. Climbing my family tree was fun, until the nuts appeared. Clinton may not have inhaled but Brown has never exhaled. Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery. Close your eyes and press escape three times. Closed eyes are not always sleeping. Closing bid, ask, and total sales of stocks not traded. COBOL programs are an example of artificial inelegance. COFFEE.COM not found: A)dd more, R)eheat F)reak out. Cogito, ergo Hormel - I think, therefore I Spam. Cogito ergo spud! (I think, therefore I yam). Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. Colic: a sheepdog that is part collie. Collector: Person few care to see but ask to call again. College: Guarantee the quality of the product or return. Come back to Oakland, we missed you the first time. Comedy is the art of making people laugh without puking. Comment vous sentez-vous aujourdn'hui? Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. Committee: A life-form with several mouths but no brain. Common politics: Holding an office of trust for profit. Common sense isn't. Communication.. without it, everyone's a mushroom. Communism will work when love, not greed, inspires it. Communists do it without class. Complexity isn't the answer - it's the problem. Computations which yield 0 are probably all for naught. Computer: a device designed to drive human beings insane. Computers also eliminate spare time. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. Computers are unreliable, but humans are more unreliable. Computers byte and run. Computers can never replace human stupidity. Computers don't make mistakes, but foolish people do. Computing is one of the terminal diseases. Condense soup, not books. Confirmation of the past is often the greatest surprise. Confucius say: Man with hand in pocket is having a ball. Confucius say: Show-off always shown up in showdown. Congenital: Adjective synonymous to "friendly." Congress finds more profit in supporting tobacco than you Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good. Conscience: the inner voice warning somebody is looking. Conserve water. Ban salted peanuts. Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative. Constants aren't; variables don't. Consult with a real expert - Call your mother. Contains no user-serviceable parts. Contents may settle during shipping. Contraceptives: to be used on all conceivable occasions. Corporations don't care about people as much as money. Correct me if I'm wrong ... everybody else does. Corruption. The most infallible symptom of liberty. Couldn't have sid it better myself. Courage is your greatest present need. Cow's breath attracts mosquitoes and tsetse flies! Coward: One who in thinks with his legs. Cowards can never be moral. CP/M + IBM = 'Just about what we got NOW.' CPU time flies when you're having fun. Crashed? I wasn't even driving. Creativity demands curiosity in the search for knowledge. Creditors have much better memories than debtors. Criminal: The poor guy who gets caught. Cross ball points with coat hangers so they multiply. Cross-country skiing is great in small countries. Cross Lassie with cantaloupe and get a meloncollie baby. Curly; " Oooh, short wave?" Moe: "No, permanent." Curmudgeons are cantankerous and churlish. Custom is the law of fools. Cute rots the intellect. Cyberspace forever and ever and ever. Cynic: Through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye. Cynicism is intellectual dandyism. Dachshund: Half a dog high by a dog and a half long. Daddy, what does 'read error in FAT' mean?" Daddy. What does Formatting Drive C: mean? Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer true. Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a tagline writer. Damn the baud rate, full speed ahead. Damn your "Once more for old times sake." Dan Quayle asks: "Are Cheerios are bagel or donut seeds?" Dan Quayle has all the charisma of a speed bump. Dan Quayle: the EDLIN of Vice-Presidents. Dancing with a grass widow brings on hay fever. Dancing: A vertical manifestation of a horizontal desire. DANGER DANGER Computer store ahead...hide wallet. DANGER. Human at keyboard. Dangerous exercise: jumping to conclusions. Dare to dream - no one can take that away from you. Data, data everywhere, and not a byte to eat. David Duke: A crazy quilt is more apropos than a sheet. David Duke: He climbs into bed and he's in uniform. David Duke: Same old sheet. David Duke: Sheet for brains. Dawn: the time when men of reason go to bed. Day-by-day a day goes by. Day of inquiry. You will be subpoenaed. De los sos ojos tan fuertemientre lorando. Death is certain, life isn't. Death is nature's way for telling you you've slowed down. Defeat even explained well stinks. Defeat is worse than death since you have to live with it DEFINE: De ting you get for breaking de law. Del dicho al hecho hay gran trecho. DEL *.* Does WHAT? Demand a 9600 BAUD psychomodem and a telepathic protocol. Democracy can withstand anything but militant democrats. Democracy, the worst government except for all the others Democratic rule: "Confusion creates jobs." Democrats: We've got what it takes to take what you got. Dermatologists give rash judgments. Desecrate, decimate, rah. rah. rah. Desk: A very large wastebasket with drawers. Destiny is not a matter of chance but a matter of choice. Detour: The roughest distance between two points. Detroit is Cleveland without the glitter. Devoted to the study of cat bathing as a martial art. Dew is the tears which the stars weep. Did Humpty Dumpty have major medical insurance? Did my ancestors inbreed? My genes seem tight. Did you ever stop to think, and then forget to restart? Did you hear about the new deli that opened in India?? Did you know that no-one ever reads these things? Did you know that clones never use mirrors? Did you really expect mere proof to sway my opinion? Die smiling, life is too important to take seriously. Difficult? I wish it had been impossible! Digital circuits are made from analog parts. Dijon vu: the feeling you've tasted this mustard before. Dilate: What happens when you live too long. Dime de lo que blasonas, y te dire de lo quwe careces. Diode: What happens to people who don't die young. Dios tarda pero no olvida. Diplomacy gets your out of what tact would have prevented Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock. Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way. Diplomacy: the delicate weapon of the civilized warrior. Diplomacy: The patriotic lying for one's country. Disaster often rests closely to success. Disco is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art. Discoveries are often made by not following instructions. Disease is the retribution of an outraged nature. Do artificial plants need artificial water? Do blondes prefer gentlemen? Do cellular phones cause reckless dialing? Do files get embarrassed being unZIPped? Do fish wonder where all the toes go after Labor Day? Do health nuts die of nothing? Do I even WANT ancestors? Some I wish I could lose. Do I have to pee whenever I see a sign: WET FLOOR ? Do I have a lifestyle yet? Do I need a Genealogical Search Warrant to see records? Do MILs drink goat milk? They're always butting in. Do ministers do more than lay people? Do not adjust your mind, the fault is with reality. Do not adjust your set. We are in control. Do not attempt to traverse a chasm in two leaps . Do not curse the darkness, check your warranty. Do not cut along this line ------------------------------ Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy. Do not remove this tag under penalty of death. Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight. Do not wait for an echo when you drop a rose petal. Do our stars twinkle in angst? Do people who believe in mental telepathy invest in AT&T? Do Quarter Horses have only a single leg? Do radio atheists say "Send in your money & be saved?" Do something unusual today. Pay a bill. Do unions picket God for working a six day week? Do unto others, then split. Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? Do well and you will have no need for ancestors. Do well, hear of it never. Do ill, hear of it forever. Do what comes naturally now. Throw a tantrum. Do witches run spell checkers? Do you know where your ancestors were and what they did? Do you like me for my brain, or my BAUD? Do your duty in all things. You cannot do more. DO I need a modem for each phone line? DOC's??? Oh, you mean the stuff you wipe up coffee with? Docs? Last time I went, I got nasty tasting medicine. Docs? Why would I want to look at Docs? Nurses are better Doctrine is the skin of truth set up and stuffed. Documentation: The last resort. Does a patriot order American in a Chinese restaurant? Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives? Does anyone really read these stupid taglines? Does history record any case where a majority was right? Does it really matter which cola I drink? Does it take an entomologist to recognize a computer bug? Does LIFO-suction work on a FAT table? Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Does The Little Mermaid wear an algebra? DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHAT A 'cAPS lOCK' KEY IS? Dogmatism: Puppyism come to its full growth. Dogs crawl under fences; software crawls under Windows. Dollars cannot buy yesterday. don't reply to inappropriate messages, leave SysOp do it. Don't argue with he who buys ink by the gallon. Don't be a snob. Never lie when truth is more profitable. Don't be fazed by new fashions in anything. Don't be sexist. Broads hate that. Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say. Don't blame Congress. With $600 Billion frugality leaves. Don't drink and park; accidents cause people. Don't drink. You might shoot at tax collectors and miss. Don't feed the bats tonight. Don't fight ugly people, they have nothing to lose. Don't find faults, discovery remedies. Don't follow this message too closely! Don't force it, get a larger hammer. Don't forget to close your eyes when reading a scary book Don't give up the ship. Give up the captain. Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while. Don't hate yourself in the morning--sleep until 12:01. Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon. Don't hit me!! I'm in the Twilight Zone!!! Don't judge a book by its mini-series. Don't keep doing things that can't work. Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today. Don't knock President Fillmore he kept us out of VietNam. Don't look at me in that tone of voice! Don't need a new religion, haven't used up the old one. Don't Panic. Just push the Reset button. Don't play "stupid" with me... I'm better at it. Don't play stupid with me....I'm better at that also. Don't question authority; it doesn't know either. Don't regulate banks. Help BCCI and Charlie Keating. Don't reply to inappropriate messages, left by SysOp. Don't sell yourself short, your wisdom is worth 2 cents. Don't shoot! I'm only the Casio player. Don't steal.....Politicians hate competition. Don't store garlic near other victuals. Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things. Don't think too far beyond your next meal. Don't trust doctors, they once said you were sane. Don't try to have the last word. You might get it. Don't underestimate the power of inflation. Don't use a long word if a diminutive one will do. Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. Don't wait for your ship to come in, swim out to it. Don't worry, I'm fluent in weirdo. Don't worry. We're on a mission from God. Don't you feel that your salami is on the chopping block? Don't you hate it when life doesn't follow the manuals? Don't you know where *your* towel is? DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse. Doubt is the root of education, not faith. Down with categorical imperatives. Drama in her opinion is knowing how to fill a sweater. Draw your salary before spending it. Drawing on my fine command of English, I said nothing. Dream of a pure planet. Dreams are composed from our successes and calamities. Drilling for oil is boring. Drink! for you know not whence you came, nor why. Drive defensively, buy yourself a tank. Drive defensively. Buy a tank. Drop carrier Immediately - but try not to break it. Drop your carrier....we have you surrounded. Due to inflation, all clouds will now be lined with zinc. Dulce bellum inexpertis. Dumb v2.0: Upgrade from stupid. Dying can be done as easily lying down. Dynamic linking error: Your mistake is now everywhere. E = mc� � 2 dB. Each and everyone of you is entitled to my opinion. Each of us contains an element of insanity. Each young doctor means a new graveyard. Early to rise and ditto to bed, makes you socially dead. Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends. Earth was interesting, and worth the money I paid for it. Earth was not earth before her sons appeared. Earth: A solid substance, much desired by the seasick. Easily amused, and laughing about it. East credit terms available. - Satan. Easy as pie, no fuss, no muss, no crust. Eat healthy, exercise daily, and die young anyway. Echo: Only thing that cheats some out of the last word. Edam is not a Dutch Cheese, it's "made" backwards. Education, not experience, comes from reading fine print. Education which is not modern, faces the organic fate. Eeny Meeny, Jelly Beanie, spirits are about to speak. Efficiency takes time. Frugality: who can afford it? Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks. Ein unntz Leben ist ein frher Tod. Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. Electricians do it 'till it Hz. Electronic publishing: What's my lino? Electrons: What goes around comes around. Elevators travel in groups. Only one of them knows why. Eliminate government waste no matter how much it costs. Elvis hasn't left the building, he's just in the john. Emergency repair procedure #1: Kick it. Empty vessels make the most sound. En boca cerrada no entran moscas. Endocannibalism: The result of a really hungry cannibal. Engineers do it by calculation and design. Engraving is, in brief terms, the art of scratch. Enough research will tend to support your theory. Enter any 12-digit prime number to continue. Entropy isn't what it used to be. Envy is thin because it bites, but never eats. Epistle: What apostle's are always firing off. Epitaph on a gravestone: Cheerio, see you soon. Equality of the sexes leaves women standing on buses. Error finding COLD BEER. Sysop not loaded. Error reading FAT Table. Try Skinny one? (Y/N). ERROR 407: Program too idiotic. Error: No Keyboard: Press F1 to Continue. ERROR: COLDBEER.CAN not found! USER.SYS not loaded. Error:015 - Unable to exit Windows. Try the door. Errors show up in the duplicate while the Boss reads it. Et in Arcadia ego. Eternity may well be composed of a very deep silence. Ethics is not necessarily the handmaiden of theology. Evangelists do more than lay people, sometimes. Eve had an Apple, Adam had a Wang... Eve was the first woman to date a snake. Even a cactus needs a little water now and then. Even a hawk is an eagle among crows. Even a lot of help at the wrong time adds up to nothing. Even a noseless dog can stink. Even a philosopher gets upset with a toothache. Even hairless heiresses are always beautiful. Even if you're paranoid maybe they're really after you. Even moderation should be practiced in moderation Even sliced VERY thin, baloney is never corned beef. Even the blind can see money. Even the boldest zebra fears a hungry lion. Even the happiest of amoebae lack sexual organs. Even the lion has to protect himself against flies. Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark. Even the Tsar can't see his face without a reflector. Even though they call it pasta now, it's still spaghetti. Even weeds have needs. Even when you're running the world, you can't get off. Events of importance often result from trivial causes. Ever since I gave up hope, I feel much better. Ever stop to think and forget to start again? Ever wonder why Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo? Every absurdity has a champion to defend it. Every anarchist is a baffled dictator. Every bicycle needs a fish. Every child should be given the desire to learn. Every crowd has a silver lining. Every hard-boiled egg is yellow inside. Every huge program has a small program trying to get out. Every human comes equipped with a brain at no extra cost. Every idiot believes that they are Cassandra. Every noble work is at first impossible. Every person constructs their own bed of nails. Every person gets to heaven in their own way. Every person is the architect of their own fortune. Every person you meet knows something you don't. Learn. Every politician has a price, some hold bargain sales. Every purchase has its price. Every solution breeds new problems. Every sound ends in silence, but silence never dies. Every time I lose weight, it finds me again. Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it. Every time I have answers, someone changes questions. Every Titanic has its iceberg. Every valuable idea offends someone. Every why hath a wherefore. Every woman should marry -- and no man. Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. Everybody lies about sex. Everybody likes a joker, but nobody loans him money. Everybody must believe - I believe I'll have another beer Everybody should believe: I believe I'll have a drink. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. Everybody's a programmer, but who's WRITTEN anything? Everyone as they loveth, some people kiss cows. Everyone complains of memory, no one of judgment. Everyone is a genius at least once a year. Everyone is entitled to my opinion without charge. Everyone is gifted. but some open the package sooner. Everyone lives by selling something. Everyone meets their Waterloo at last. Everyone should know where his towel is. Everything bows to success, even grammar. Everything changes except change itself. Everything free is usually worth exactly what it cost. Everything goes wrong all at once. Everything in time is birth to some and death to others. Everything is possible, but nothing of interest is easy. Everything put together falls apart sooner or later. Everything should be made as simple as necessary. Everything starts in somebody's head as a daydream. Everything that is not mandatory is forbidden. Everything we put together falls apart sooner or later. Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it. Evil has been dealt a serious blow, but will return. Evil is a hill. We stand on ours, speak about others. Excellence is to do a common thing in an uncommon way. Excellent day for drinking heavily. Spike water cooler. Excellent day to have a rotten day. Excellent time to become a missing person. Excess is never enough. Excuse me, can you spare a tagline? Excuse me for butting in. But, I'm interrupt-driven. Execute program code from Write Only Memory. Executive ability is prominent in your make-up. Expenditures tend to rise to surpass all income. Expensive imported beer is good for the sole. Experience varies directly with the equipment ruined. Experience: what you get when you don't get what you want EXPERT - Some unknown drip under pressure. F r o m the s l o w s p e a k e r s o f A m e r i c Facing the facts makes it hard to get up in the morning. Fact of life #15: Heads bleed, walls don't. Fact: fourteen out of every ten people like chocolate. Facts are stubborn little bastards, be careful with them. Facts, though interesting, are in my opinion irrelevant. Facts, though interesting, are usually quite irrelevant. Faint hearts never win in love nor sell life insurance. Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in. Faith is believing what you know ain't so. Faith will not die while seed catalogs are printed. Fall, when trees change from Beatles to Yul Brynners. Fame is proof that people are gullible. Fame: Chiefly a matter of dying at the right moment. Familiarity breeds contempt, don't forget children also. Fanaticism: Redoubling effort when your aim is forgotten. Fanny Hill was an 18th century call girl without a phone. Far duller than a serpent's tooth to spend a quiet youth. Farfignewton: German for "ergonomic cookie." Farfrompoopin...German word for constipation. Fat heads, lean brains. Fault lies with systems not the technologies involved. Fax me no questions, I'll Fax you no lies. Fear is the tax that conscience pays to guilt. Fear not, for I have given you authority. Feather by feather the goose is plucked. Feathers are so expensive now that DOWN is up. Features should be discovered, not documented. Fer sail cheep, Windows spel chekker, wurks grate. Feudalism : It's your Count that votes. Few of us can stand prosperity -- someone else's. Few people know how to be old. Few things are painful as the truth realized too late. Few things are as painful to us as the truth. Fibonacci Numbers: The mathematical explanation of life. Fiction: It can't hold a scandal to biography. Fiddle: Friction of a horse's tail on a cat's entrails. Figures don't lie, but liars can figure. File not found. Delete *.* and change directory? (Y/N)_ Fine day for a good workout. Steal something heavy. Fine day to throw a party. Throw him as far as you can. Fingers not found - Pound head on keyboard to continue. Fire, Ready, Aim! Firmness in politics is called obstinacy in a donkey. First, draw the curve; then, plot the data. Fishing is a delusion surrounded by liars in old clothes. Fishing rod: a hook at one end, a fool at the other. Flamers have uncontrollable vowel movements. Flattery is counterfeit money, circulated by vanity. Flattery really works: As you snow, so shall you reap. Flattery: Cologne water, to smell but not swallow. Floppy not responding, Format HARD DRIVE instead? Y/N. Florist: A petal pusher. Fluoridate martinis: holes in your liver not your teeth. Fold, spindle and mutilate, see if I give a damn. Folks who have no vices have few virtues. Follow your heart and let your head take care of itself. Foolish fears drive away good fortune. For a bug-free environment do NOT run this program. For a real smoking pleasure, smoke Spotted Owl Cigars For any action there is an equal and opposite criticizer. For carnival we put masks over our masks. For every battle honor, 1000 heroes die unknown For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision. For many, the declension of life is: I go, you go, ego. For sale cheap: Write-only memory chips. For sale: Hourglass for timing Windows. For some, reality is an illusion. For some: know God & know peace/others: no God & no peace For something you really want, the price is always high. For the Snark *was* a Boojum, you see. For those who like peace & quiet: a phoneless cord. Forest Lawn is nice to visit, but nobody lives there. Forests lovely, dark & deep ... I have promises to keep. Forget *HIM* it's time to run a *HER* for president. Forget RTFM - Call the author at home. Forget whales, save Jupiter for when Earth is used up. Forget your origin, always know where you're heading. Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. Forgive your enemies but never forget their faces Forgotten men at the bottom of the economic pyramid. Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgment. Fountains mingle with the river, rivers with the ocean. Four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant and Microwavable! Four out of five herrings that smoke get bagels. Frankly my dear, I don't give a download. -Rhett Sysop. Freedom begins when you tell Mrs Grundy to go fly a kite. Freedom is a hard-bought thing - A gift no man can give. Friction is a drag. Friend: Anyone who has the same enemies you have. Friends come and go, but relatives tend to accumulate. Friends don't let friends drive Fords. Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate. Friendships are not always preserved in alcohol. From every mountainside, let freedom ring. From listening comes wisdom, from speaking, repentance. From the Desk of the Happy Hacker... Frugality: who can afford it? Fun with Greek #4: Fee, �, fo, fum! Funny how life imitates LSD. Funny thing.... harder I work, luckier I get. Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening. G.I. Series: A military baseball game. Garbage in, Gospel out. Gee, I should have had another Cold Frosty Bud -Socrates. Gee, I wonder what this key does. Gee, Toto, I don't think we're in Windows anymore. Gee, Ward, weren't you kind of hard on Beaver last night. Gee... What's that ticking in the corner. Gen. Custer, can I be excused for this afternoon? Gene Police: "Hey YOU! Get out of this pool." Genealogical fishing is done just for the halibut. Genealogists believe they can always trace an ancestor. Genealogists do it in the library. Genealogy = A DNA square-dance in the Thighlight Zone Genealogy. Tracing descent from someone who didn't. Genealogy: It's all relative in the end anyway. Genealogy: Looking for bones in the closet. Genealogy: tracing us back to the same brother & sister. General Brain Failure. (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (O)h. General stupidity error reading drive C. Genetics: Why you look like your father, or should. Genius: One who can do anything except earn a living. George Orwell was an optimist. Georgia is on my mind. German for constipation: Farfrompoopin'. Get a new lease on life, do you have the security deposit Get a ROBONAP: Will sleep for you while you're online. Get me some coffee and then ask me in ten minutes. Get nowhere: Sit on your butt feeling sorry for yourself. Get someone else to break the shrink wrap. Get your exercise as a pallbearer for exercising friends. Getting a second chance is never a certainty. Gezundteit has a loose beginning. Give a gift that keeps on giving -- A female kitten. Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. Give a small boy a hammer and everything needs pounding. Give me patience . RIGHT NOW. Give me the luxuries, and to hell with the necessities. Give the gift that keeps on giving; a female kitten. Give the man a cigar. Give them all they want, and all they will want is more. GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer error. Glory may be fleeting, but obscurity is forever. Gnaw the bone which has fallen to thy lot. Go ahead, back up to the RAM disk. I dare you. Go and catch a falling star... Go soak your head, puny human. Go to a nude beach. Keep abreast of developments. Go to hell is the only answer a snooper's question rates. God created man first, a rough draft, then a masterpiece. God created people. Samuel Colt made them all equal. God dislikes money -- look who he gives it to. God gave burdens shoulders also. God gives the nuts, but He does not crack them. God heals, but always someone else wants a fee. God is a comic playing to an audience afraid to laugh. God is real (unless He has an imaginary non-zero part). God is real, unless declared integer. God is subtle but he is not malicious. God made everything out of nothing, but it shows through. God made the first garden, Cain the first city. God never imposes a duty without giving time to do it. God said, Let Newton be! and all was light. Golden Rule: she who has the gold makes the rules. Golfer: A person who hits and lies. Golly, Yogi, I don't think Mr. Ranger's gonna like this. Good advice is an insult that should be forgiven. Good advice is given when too old to set a bad example. Good architecture takes on a life of its own. Good cooking takes time. Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase. Good fortune at times seems to favor the stupid. Good girls get Heaven; Bad girls, the world. Good health will be yours for a long time. Good is not good enough where better is expected. Good luck is a lazy man's estimate of a worker's success. Good manners are the lubricant of social intercourse. Good memories are what your heart carries in its pockets. Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor. Good news: Ten weeks from Friday may be a pretty good day Good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are. Good printers do it without wrinkling the sheets. Good taste is the flower of good sense. Good wine is a good familiar creature if it be well used. Got kleptomania? Be sure to take something for it. Gotta hide the phone bill from my wife. Gotta run, the cat's caught in the printer. Government expands to absorb revenue and then some more. Government should spend our money like it was their own. Grammar, what big teeth you have. Graveyards are full of the indispensable. Gravity always wins. Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks. Gravity: Not just a good idea, it's the law. Great men and women are not always idiots. Great minds may at times think alike, if at all. Greed is good, greed works. Greetings from Hell....wish you were here. Grippe: A suitcase for carrying flu medicines. Ground Beef -- A cow with no legs. Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional. Gun Control is being able to hit your target. Guns don't kill people off-line readers do. Gypsies, Thieves, Cutthroats, Administrators. HaHaHa! Yuk, Yuk. Snort. Harumph. Hail, hail, rock and roll. Hairy fishnuts, anyone? Half a loaf is surely much better than no vacation at all Half Moon tonight -- its better than no Moon at all. Halftoning is a gray area. Halt and catch fire. Hams do it with frequency, till their GIGAHERTZ. Handle with care: Elderly tagline. Handwritten on a condom machine; "This gum tastes funny." Hang up your logic over there. Hangnail: A place to hang your coat and hat upon entering Happiness can't buy money. Happiness can't buy money! Happiness is a computer with a good sense of humor. Happiness is a computer with a sense of humor. Happiness is a positive cash flow. Happiness is mandatory....Are you happy? Happiness is no laughing matter. Happiness, like misery, is usually self-inflicted. Happiness: a combination of good health and a bad memory. Happiness: A sensation arising from misery of others. Happiness: Lubbock, TX, in the rearview mirror. Happiness: Seeing your MIL's picture on a milk carton Happy as a hog eating cow manure -- well lick my lips! Happy couple: A deaf husband and a blind wife. Happy is the child whose father died rich. Happy trails to you. Hard work has never killed anyone, but why take a chance? Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. Hard work hasn't killed anyone yet, but why take a chance Hardware: The parts of a computer that can be kicked. Hardware: This you kick. Software: This you corrupt. hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY? Has anyone seen my sanity? Hasten to laugh at everything, or later you may weep. Have a nice day. Have an affair. It will break up the monogamy. Have stock? Will broker. Have the computer beep me, when it is ready. Have tree, will climb - just as all my ancestors did. Have you any Grey Poupon? Have you had a significant new idea of your own lately? Have you hugged your computer today? Have you seen my mind? It was wandering again. Have you seen my mind? It wandered again. Hawaii shorts: What a wallet has after a vacation there. He bellows like a cow standing on her tit. He cannot rule the great who cannot rule the small. He compresses the most words into the smallest ideas. He has all the charm of a dirty Christmas card. He has too many lice to feel an itch. He hasn't a single redeeming vice. He is a sheep in sheep's clothing. He is a self-made man, and worships his creator. He is a deeply superficial person. He is diagonally parked in a parallel universe. He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. He is not only dull within, but causes dullness without. He is the most sensible looking man talking nonsense. He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap. He isn't chicken, but they're naming salads after him. He lived a good life, he had a good time. Amen. He says a thousand pleasant things, but never "Adieu." He that deeply desires honor, is not usually worthy of it He uses slugs to call Dial-A-Prayer. He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose. He walks down Lover's Lane holding his own hand. He was a bold man that first ate an oyster. He was so crooked you could use him to pull corks with. He wasn't his mother's favorite, and he was an only child He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut. He who attacks my ideas attacks democracy itself. He who dies with the most of anything, is still dead. He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals. He who fights & runs away will live to fight another day. He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last. He who hesitates is several miles from the next exit. He who hesitates too long, must change his underwear. He who hesitates at the wrong time is lunch for a shark. He who laughs, lasts. He who laughs last is a little slow on the uptake. He who laughs last probably doesn`t understand the joke. He who laughs last probably made a backup. He who plants trees loves others he will never know. He who talks too much commits a sin. He who wakes up finding himself a success, hasn't slept. He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder. He wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head He's a chip right off the old shoulder. He's a few fries short of a Happy Meal. He's got a magnet! Everybody BACKUP! He's such a good speaker, even a cough sounds read. He's tan, he's rested. Nixon in '92! Heads will roll. Health is the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Heartburn is the Justice Of Pizza in this area. Hearts will never be practical 'til they're unbreakable. Heaven allows glimpses only to those at a distance. Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned. HEBREW - the **MANLY** beer! Hell hath no fury like a demon scorched. Hell, Heaven or Hoboken by Christmas. Help a swallow to land at Capistrano. Help me, I'm stuck in here! - A Tagline. Help me look, Please? I've lost my damned innocence again Help me quick! Someone must have turned reality back on. Help stamp out vandalism, or I'll break all your windows. Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy. Help. I'm trapped at 0D1C:01DA. Help. I've fallen and can't get up. A. Tree. Help! I can't find the "ANY" key. Help! I've fallen and can't reach my beer. HELP! Protect America's children, soil, and water today. Here I run, to steal the secret of the sun. Here is further away than you think. Here today, dawn tomorrow. Here's looking at you, kid. Herman Hollerith is buried 9 edge, face down. Hero-worship: Idol gossip. Hex Dump: Place for witches to get rid of used curses. Hey ..... who took the cork off my lunch? Hey man, you can't prove nothing. I was at home. Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat. Hey, wait, don't pick up that ph#{#!@#$%^&*()=. Hey, what does this RESET butto Hey. Don't pick up that phoׯ��ች��� NO CARRIER. HHeellpp.. II''mm ssttuucckk iinn hhaallff--dduupplleexx. Hhhe who hhhessitates is lllost. Hi, my name is Rover, I'll paint your car yellow free. Hick: Looks both ways before crossing a one-way street. Hide when you bite your nails, or everyone will wonder. Hindsight is the most exact of the sciences. Hire a teenager while they still know it all. His face was filled with broken commandments. History books which contain no lies are extremely dull. History doesn't repeat itself. Historians do. History is a lie commonly agreed upon. - Neitzche History is made at night. History repeats itself because nobody listens. Hit and run means never having to say you're sorry. Hm..what's this red button fo������NO CARRIER. Hmmm, When is the last time the Tooth Fairy visited you? Hmmmmm.... never tried an atomic bomb before. Ho to make a long story short: Forget the punch line. Hobo: A person who builds palaces and lives in shacks. Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. Hollywood: A trip through a sewer in a glass bottom boat. Holy Razorblades, Batman. That was a close shave. Home, to a young boy, is merely a filling station. Homo sum; humani nihil a me alienum puto. Honest Politician: One who stays bought. Honest politicians once bought, stay bought. Honesty pays, but not enough for some. Honesty: Fear of being caught. Honey in the mouth and knives in the heart. Honi soit qui mal y pense. Hospital: A workshop for the repair of faulty humans. Hospitals: Places where the run down wind up. Hot air sometimes thaws out a cold reception. Hot water heaters? Hot water needs heating? Hotel: A place you give good dollars for bad quarters. How come I get all the hard questions? How come men got nipples? How come they call 'em APARTments when they're attached? How could anything alter reality for $9.95? How did I get round from eating square meals. How dieth the wise man? As the fool. How do frogs die? Ker-mit suicide. How do I set my laser printer to stun? How do women get mink? The same way mink get mink. How many sex-restricted jobs require a penis or a vagina? How many times do you need to be tolled anyway? How much memory have you got? One brain, one memory. How time flies, when you have a heap of problems. How wise are they that are but fools in love. How you look depends on who is looking. How you look depends on where you go Hug your kids at home and belt 'em in the car. Hug: A roundabout way of expressing affection. Human Being: An ingenious assembly of portable plumbing. Human Being: An ingenious assembly of portable plumbing. Humankind cannot bear very much reality. Humans are animals in search of the ultimate orgasm. Humans sin by both omission as well as commission. Humble pie is always hard to swallow with your pride. Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs. Humor always plays very close to the hot fire of truth. Humpty Dumpty DOS - Just a shell of himself. Hungarian food is OK if you like dog tartare. Hunting is no fun when the rabbit has the gun. Husband and wife plan fight. TIFF at 11. Hypocrisy is the type of homage vice pays to virtue. I ain't broke, but I'm badly bent. I almost stole another tagline. I'm so ashamed. I always did like climbing trees, is this genetic? I always laugh at the wrong time. At my own funeral.... I am a man more sinned against than sinning. - King Lear. I am a deeply superficial person. I am always exact and precise (more or less). I am as nervous as a tree on the Lassie show about that. I am as poor as Job, but not so patient. - Shake. I am in total control, but please don't tell my wife. I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am not young enough to know everything. I am not arguing with you, I'm telling you. I am not an animal! I am what I am, but not an animal. I am not a dictator. It's just I have a grumpy face. I am not an alien from space reconnoitering this world. I am, of course, any thinking woman's everyday fantasy. I am perfectly sane, and so am I. I am the terror that posts in the night. I am tolerant of your fruitcake like beliefs. I am who I pretend to be at that point in time and space. I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. I BBS because no one can read my handwriting. I be nibble, you be quick, he jump over the joystick. I believe we're under attack, but I'm not too sure. I bought dehydrated water...but I don't know what to add. I bought powdered water, now I don't know what to add. I came; I saw; I screwed up. I can be decisive, I think. I can resist anything but temptation. I can resist everything/anything except temptation. I can't be stupid, I completed third grade. I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks. I can't believe I wrote that whole thing. I can't - He can - what the hell, I'll let him do it. I can't use Windows. My cat ate my mouse I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet. I consider cake and ice-cream my just desserts. I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise. I didn't believe in reincarnation the last time, either. I didn't get the documentation for the manuals. I didn't write this; a very complex macro did. I distinctly remember forgetting that. I do not pretend to know what the ignorant are sure of. I don' gotta show you no steenking tag line. I don't believe in miracles, I rely on them. I don't have to look up my family tree. I'm the sap. I don't have the time for a hobby. I have a computer. I don't just tempt fate - I give it the finger. I don't know what it is, but it's in great condition. I don't know how much more she'll take of this, Captain. I don't know about ignorance and apathy. Who cares? I don't like broccoli either. I don't need a warranty. I'll just take it back.. I don't think Mr. Ranger is going to like this, Yogi. I don't want it now, I want it RIGHT now. I don't want to be there when it's time for me to die. I either want less corruption, a chance to participate. I fear needing explanations of things explained. I feel better than James Brown... how do you feel? I feel more like I do now than I did a while ago. I figured out what I was doing right, it doesn't anymore. I finally got it all together, but forgot where I put it. I give up. Push me that hollow log and I'll climb in. I got lost in thought. I was in unfamiliar territory. I got lost in thought, it was a very unfamiliar territory I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. I had a dislocated funny bone |
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