|AN: Yet another comical moment for me. I’m not that funny, so why do I try to write comedies? Oh well. I got inspiration for this while walking across the street to my dorm and seeing this squirrel run two paces, then stop. Run two paces again. Then stop. All while crossing the street. It was sort of weird. I was a little afraid for it that it would be hit by a car. Poor little baby.
So... I thought, what if Mamo-chan hit it?
Thanks to all my buds (always gotta thank those weirdos):
Megami Hoshi/Zelsy ^_^ - coolest person
Sailor Centauri - Other half o’ my brain (thus coolest person also)
Dragon Spawn – my sweetie ^_^
Sailor Heartache – what can I say? Also wicked cool
And on with the story.
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Tuxedo Mask And The Asthmatic Squirrel
By Serene Night
Disclaimer: I don’t own SM. That would be
Takeuchi Naoko-sama, Toei, DiC, CloverLeaf,
Optimum Productions, Irwin, Bandai, Pioneer
and a crapload of other people. If you are
one of the crapload of other people, please
don’t sue me I’m a broke college student.
Oooh, you can sue my university. Do you want
their phone number?
“Speak well of your enemies. You made them.”
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“Mamo-chan. Mamo-chan. MAMO-CHAN! WAKE UP!” Usagi was practically screaming into Mamoru’s ear. Poor man, he was sleeping like an adorable twenty-six year old baby, drool and all. It had been a hellish week for him.
First, Dr. Chiba, bright, upcoming cardiologist at the same hospital as world renowned physician, Dr. Mizuno, got a fleet of new patients, all wealthy women on ‘sabaticle’ from their lives as trophy housewives in Hollywood, in the US. So he’d been on t.v. three times promoted as “The Heartbreaking Heart Surgeon” and featured in a few magazines, like People. Was that any cause for them to nearly abandon their families in hopes of marrying him? Especially HE was already married.
Then he’d gotten into a tiny accident where he’d ran over a squirrel. At least the thing didn’t die. But it didn’t have to try to *live* in his tailpipe, did it? How was he to know that when he went over 50 km it was going to become dislodged and fly underneath the backtire? He’d felt really bad and took it to the veterinarian. Or rather, Usagi MADE him.
And the icing on the cake was his wife of four years being 8 ½ months pregnant with their first child. Her mood swings, hormones, and parental instincts were enough for the two of them. Especially with those weird cravings she was STILL having. This was the fourth time tonight that she was suffering through thtem. And that he was suffering through. All in all, he’d gotten ten hours of sleep since Monday. It was Friday.
“Errrmm? Usa, what is it?”
“Honey, I’m sorry, but could I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?”
“Usa, it’s 3 AM.”
“But I’m hungry.”
“Can’t you make it yourself?” ‘Oopsie…’
“But Mamo-chan, who took lessons with Mako-chan for THREE years to make you dinner that you could actually eat and call a masterpiece? Who’s carrying our child who seems to have a great deal of fun kicking its mama’s bladder after she drinks a cup of water? Who—"
“Alright Usako. I’m getting it, I’m getting it,” he said in defeat. Did she just smirk at him? He was wrapped around her pink finger and could do nothing about it. Not that he minded. He liked it there.
“Thank you, sweetie,” she said, her voice laced in saccharine.
“Mamo-chan, I know I said I wouldn’t—"
“What are you hungry for now, Usako?”
“Caramel Haagen Dazs® Ice Cream.”
“But Usa, we don’t have any.”
“But Mamo-chan, I *need* some.” Giving a small whine, Mamoru got out of his warm, comfy bed at 4:30 AM, put some clothes on, and walked outside of their small house, and trudged to the car.
“My only friend,” he cooed at the black sports car Usagi had gotten him for their last anniversary. He loved the sleek feel of the leather interior, the smooth purr of the engine and the way it responded to his quick reflexes. It was the second happiest day of his life. Usagi’s other present to him was announcing to him that she was pregnant. He nearly broke his head when he fainted onto the car. At least he hadn’t scratched it though.
Gently, but with surety, he started up the engine and the car smoothly glided out of the driveway and onto the empty asphalt street. A little but further down the road, though, the car seemed to shake and make a weird rattling noise, which sounded like it came from the muffler. Stopping, he got out of the car, muttering curses under his breath and walked around to the tailpipe.
“What on Earth?”
Something dark and fuzzy seemed to peek out of the hole in the tailpipe. He was familiar with this scenario. He reached in and the fuzzy thing bit him. “OW!” he yelped.
“I am Tuxedo Mask, Prince of Earth, and dammit get the HELL out of my car,” he commanded, only to hear a defiant squeak in return.
Growling under his breath, he reached back into the hole, and grabbed something, then unmercilessly yanked it out. Holding it by the tail, he held it up so that they were eye to beady eye. He growled at the gray squirrel.
“If you don’t stay out of my car, I’m going to sell ou as food for cats, do you hear me?” then he flung the squirrel into a soft patch of grass, careful as to not hurt it for some reason yet unknown to him. And then he returned to his wonderfully purring car.
About ten minutes later, he came back with a half gallon of caramel ice cream tucked under his arm. He scooped some out and added some caramel, whipped cream, and two cherries to Usagi’s favorite bunny bowl.
“Princess, your ice cream,” he called gently.
“Yum. Hmmmm…thank you Mamo-chan,” she said and then hugged him as much as her round belly would allow. Quickly, she dug into the ice cream ferociously, eating the spoonfuls like there was no tomorrow. He knew how fast she ate before…